36 Celebrity Jokes: The 2022 “Keep My Wife’s Name…” Edition

In 2022, we learned that a slap can be heard around the world, that Tom Cruise is still the only man who can save the box office without a superhero cape, and that we all have a secret desire to be a “Corn Kid.” It was the year of the Wordle obsession, the end of an Elizabethan era, and the moment we realized that being “Gentleminions” was a high-fashion choice.

The 2022 Top 10: The “Oscars & Mach 10” Classics

1. Will Smith vs. Chris Rock: Why was the 2022 Oscars the most “impactful” ceremony in history? Because Will Smith proved that “G.I. Jane 2” jokes are the fastest way to get a front-row seat to a career crisis and a 10-year ban.
2. Top Gun: Maverick: Why was Tom Cruise the hero of 2022? Because he proved that flying a real jet at Mach 10 is the only way to make the world forget about green screens and remember why we love the cinema.
3. The Death of Queen Elizabeth II: Why did the world stand still in September? Because after 70 years, we realized that the only person who outlasted the invention of the internet, the moon landing, and 15 Prime Ministers had finally finished her shift.
4. Wordle: Why were we all sharing yellow and green squares in 2022? Because our morning coffee wasn’t complete until we proved to our 500 Facebook friends that we knew a five-letter word in four tries.
5. The “Corn Kid”: Why was a 7-year-old the biggest celebrity of the summer? Because in 2022, we all agreed that corn is “a big lump with knobs” and it has the juice (I can’t imagine a more beautiful thing).
6. The Depp vs. Heard Trial: Why was everyone a legal expert in May 2022? Because for six weeks, we all watched a courtroom drama on YouTube that made every actual soap opera look like a boring documentary.
7. Stranger Things 4 (Kate Bush): Why was “Running Up That Hill” #1 in 2022? Because Max Mayfield proved that 80s synth-pop is the only thing powerful enough to save you from a trauma-demon living in the Upside Down.
8. The Gentleminions: Why were teenagers wearing suits to the movie theater? Because in 2022, irony reached its peak and watching Minions: The Rise of Gru became a formal event for an entire generation.
9. Elon Musk & Twitter: Why was 2022 the year of the “Blue Checkmark” panic? Because Elon bought a social media platform for $44 billion just to find out that “letting the sink in” is a very expensive way to change an app’s icon.
10. The James Webb Telescope: Why were we staring at blurry star photos? Because in 2022, NASA showed us what the universe looked like 13 billion years ago, and it still looked better than our selfies from 2005.

The Full 2022 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Harry Styles (As It Was): Why was he spinning on a giant turntable? Because in 2022, he wanted to remind us that “it’s not the same as it was,” especially since we were all wearing his merchandise.
12. The White Lotus (Season 2): Why were we afraid of Sicily? Because Jennifer Coolidge proved that “these highs are trying to murder me” is a legitimate vacation concern.
13. Don’t Worry Darling (Drama): Why was the press tour more famous than the movie? Because in 2022, we spent three months trying to figure out if Harry Styles actually spit on Chris Pine (he didn’t, but the internet wanted it to be true).
14. House of the Dragon: Why were we back in Westeros? Because in 2022, we realized we missed blonde families fighting over dragons and that “Negroni Sbagliato with Prosecco in it” was the drink of the year.
15. The Kardashians (Hulu): Why did they move to a new network? Because in 2022, they needed a higher resolution to show us that they’re still “literally” doing the same thing they were in 2007.
16. Elvis (Austin Butler): Why is he still talking like that? Because in 2022, Austin Butler became Elvis so hard that his vocal cords decided they were never going back to 21st-century California.
17. Lizzo (About Damn Time): Why were we feeling “bal-sy”? Because Lizzo gave us the official 2022 anthem for coming out of quarantine and finally feeling like ourselves again.
18. Everything Everywhere All At Once: Why were we crying over googly-eyed rocks? Because in 2022, a movie about tax audits and hot-dog fingers became the most emotional experience in the multiverse.
19. Wednesday (Netflix): Why was everyone doing that dance? Because Jenna Ortega proved that being a goth teenager with a severed hand for a best friend is the ultimate “Wednesday” mood.
20. The Batman: Why was he so emo? Because in 2022, Robert Pattinson proved that fighting crime involves 90% whispering in the rain and 10% actually being a billionaire.
21. The Pink Sauce: Why were people eating mysterious neon sauce from TikTok? Because in 2022, we learned that food safety labels are just “suggestions” if the color is pretty enough.
22. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever: Why were we crying in the theater? Because in 2022, Marvel proved that a tribute to a King can be just as powerful as the movie itself.
23. Glass Onion: Why was Benoit Blanc in a bathtub? Because in 2022, Rian Johnson realized that Daniel Craig is much happier solving murders in a striped swimsuit than being a spy.
24. Heidi Klum’s Worm Costume: Why was there a giant earthworm on the red carpet? Because in 2022, Heidi Klum proved that she is still the undisputed queen of making everyone say “Why?” on Halloween.
25. The Bear: Why was everyone saying “Yes, Chef!”? Because in 2022, Jeremy Allen White made running a sandwich shop in Chicago look like a high-stakes military operation.
26. Taylor Swift (Midnights): Why did Ticketmaster crash? Because in 2022, Taylor proved that her fans are the only force of nature capable of taking down a global monopoly.
27. The Tinder Swindler: Why were we afraid of dating apps? Because in 2022, we learned that “my enemies are after me” is a very expensive way to ask for a loan.
28. Avatar: The Way of Water: Why did it take 13 years? Because James Cameron needed that much time to invent a new way to film blue people underwater and prove that he still owns the box office.
29. The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent: Why was Nicolas Cage playing himself? Because in 2022, he realized that nobody can do a “Nicolas Cage” better than Nicolas Cage.
30. BeReal: Why did my phone go off at 3 PM? Because in 2022, we decided that taking a blurry photo of our laptop screen was the height of “authenticity.”
31. Harry & Meghan (Netflix): Why were they telling their story again? Because in 2022, they decided that a six-part documentary was the only way to make sure we heard the 100th version of their side of the story.
32. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness: Why was Wanda so mad? Because in 2022, we learned that a mother’s love is the strongest—and most terrifying—force in any universe.
33. The Adam Project: Why was Ryan Reynolds talking to his younger self? Because in 2022, Netflix realized that if you have enough 80s nostalgia and snarky dialogue, people will watch anything.
34. Euphoria (Season 2): Why was Cassie hiding in a bathtub? Because in 2022, she proved that high school drama is even more intense when there’s a carousel horse involved.
35. Bad Bunny: Why was he the biggest artist on Earth? Because in 2022, he proved that you can rule the world with “Un Verano Sin Ti” and never have to translate a single word for people to dance.
36. The Year 2022: Why did it end? Because we were all too busy trying to figure out how to spell “Sbagliato” and “Rishi Sunak” to notice that 2023 was already here.