31 Celebrity Jokes: The 2007 “Touchscreens & Umbrella” Edition

In 2007, the world changed with a single “home” button, we all learned that we could stand under Rihanna’s umbrella, and we witnessed the most chaotic year in paparazzi history. It was the year of the first iPhone, the end of the Harry Potter books, and the realization that “Leave Britney Alone!” was a legitimate cry for help.

The 2007 Top 10: The “iPhone & Gimme More” Classics

The First iPhone: Why did everyone stop looking up in 2007? Because Steve Jobs gave us a glass brick that made us realize our old flip phones were basically stone tools.
Rihanna (Umbrella): Why was 2007 so rainy? Because Rihanna promised we could stand under her umbrella, but she didn’t mention it would be playing on a loop in every mall for twelve months straight.
Britney Spears (The Comeback): Why was the 2007 VMAs so quiet? Because everyone was busy trying to figure out if Britney was actually “Gimme More” or if she just wanted us all to go home and leave her alone.
Chris Crocker: Why was a guy crying into a bedsheet the biggest star of 2007? Because “Leave Britney Alone!” proved that you only need three minutes of raw emotion to become the internet’s first true viral superstar.
Kanye West vs. 50 Cent: Why did 50 Cent lose the 2007 sales war? Because the world decided that Kanye’s “Graduation” and electronic beats were cooler than “Ayo Technology” and street cred.
Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Why did a family from Calabasas move into our TVs in 2007? Because Ryan Seacrest realized that watching sisters fight over a Bentley was the new American Dream.
Transformers: Why was Megan Fox the most searched person in 2007? Because Michael Bay realized that if you have enough explosions and giant robots, nobody notices that the plot was written on a napkin.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Why was everyone crying in line at midnight? Because in 2007, J.K. Rowling finally told us who lived, who died, and that we’d have to find a new personality now that the books were over.
The Soulja Boy Dance: Why was everyone “cranking that” in 2007? Because a teenager with a webcam and some sunglasses proved that you don’t need a record label if you have a dance move that looks like you’re starting a lawnmower.
Spider-Man 3: Why was Peter Parker dancing in the street? Because in 2007, Marvel thought “Emo Spidey” and jazz-hands were the best way to fight three different villains at once.

The Full 2007 Celebrity Jokes Archive

Amy Winehouse (Back to Black): Why was the album so dark? Because in 2007, Amy proved that the best music comes from a place where the beehive is high and the heartbreak is deep.
Superbad: Why was “McLovin” the most popular name in 2007? Because Fogell proved that a fake ID from Hawaii and a vest were all you needed to become a legend.
Zac Efron (Hairspray): Why was his hair so still? Because in 2007, he used enough hairspray to close the ozone hole single-handedly while playing Link Larkin.
The Big Bang Theory Premiere: Why were we laughing at scientists? Because in 2007, TV decided that “Bazinga!” was a personality trait and that nerds lived in giant apartments with hot neighbors.
Juno: Why was everyone talking like a 1940s detective? Because Diablo Cody convinced 2007 that pregnant teenagers were the wittiest people on the planet.
No Country for Old Men: Why was Javier Bardem’s haircut so scary? Because in 2007, we learned that a bowl cut and a cattle gun were the ultimate signs of a bad day.
Fergie (Big Girls Don’t Cry): Why was she crying? Because in 2007, even the “Dutchess” realized that sometimes you just have to walk away from the Black Eyed Peas for a minute.
Gossip Girl: Why were we all “XOXO”-ing? Because in 2007, Blake Lively and Leighton Meester taught us that being rich in New York meant your secrets were narrated by Kristen Bell.
Justin Timberlake (What Goes Around…): Why was Scarlett Johansson in his video? Because in 2007, if you weren’t in a 9-minute long JT music video, were you even really a celebrity?
Ratatouille: Why was a rat cooking? Because in 2007, Pixar proved that “anyone can cook,” even if they live in a sewer and pull on your hair to make an omelet.
Enchanted: Why was Amy Adams in Times Square? Because in 2007, Disney realized that a 2D princess in a 3D world was the only way to make New York look magical again.
Spice Girls (Reunion): Why were they back? Because in 2007, the world needed a “Viva Forever” tour to remind us that “Girl Power” was still profitable in five different colors.
The Simpsons Movie: Why was there a pig on the ceiling? Because in 2007, “Spider-Pig” was the only thing that could save Homer Simpson from a giant glass dome.
Avril Lavigne (Girlfriend): Why was she “the mother-flippin’ princess”? Because in 2007, she traded her neckties for pink streaks and a song that sounded like a cheerleading camp on caffeine.
Mad Men: Why was everyone smoking indoors? Because in 2007, Jon Hamm proved that being a 1960s ad executive meant drinking whiskey at 10 AM and looking great in a suit.
Knocked Up: Why was Seth Rogen a leading man? Because in 2007, Judd Apatow proved that “funny and relatable” was the new “tall, dark, and handsome.”
Leona Lewis (Bleeding Love): Why was she bleeding? Because in 2007, her voice was so powerful it literally shattered every window in the British music industry.
High School Musical 2: Why was Troy Bolton dancing on a golf course? Because in 2007, “Bet on It” proved that inner turmoil is best expressed through aggressive jazz-walking in a polo shirt.
Bee Movie: Why was Jerry Seinfeld a bee? Because in 2007, he realized that “What’s the deal with flowers?” was the next logical step in his career.
Timbaland: Why was he on every song? Because in 2007, if your track didn’t have a beat that sounded like a beatboxer having a hiccup, it wasn’t a hit.
The Year 2007: Why did it feel so long? Because we spent half the year waiting for the iPhone to ship and the other half trying to figure out how to “Crank That.”