39 Celebrity Jokes: The 2001 “Low-Rise & Magic Wands” Edition

In 2001, the world got a lot bigger and a lot smaller at the same time. We traveled to Middle-earth and Hogwarts, but we also fit our entire music collection into a white box the size of a deck of cards. It was the year of the velour tracksuit, the denim-on-denim red carpet, and realized that “Precious” wasn’t just a word, but a lifestyle.

The 2001 Top 10: The “Wizards & Pop Royalty” Classics

1. Harry Potter (The Sorcerer’s Stone): Why did every kid want a scar on their forehead in 2001? Because Daniel Radcliffe proved that wearing glasses and living under the stairs was actually the coolest thing you could do.
2. The iPod Launch: Why did Steve Jobs put 1,000 songs in our pockets? Because in 2001, we were tired of our Discmans skipping every time we walked faster than a turtle.
3. Britney & Justin (American Music Awards): Why was the world blinded on the red carpet? Because in 2001, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake decided that wearing head-to-toe denim was a “fashion statement” rather than a cry for help.
4. Lord of the Rings: Why did it take 3 hours to walk to a volcano? Because in 2001, Peter Jackson realized that if you have enough beautiful scenery and a creepy Gollum, people will watch you walk across a field forever.
5. Shrek: Why was a green ogre the biggest star of 2001? Because he proved that you don’t need a Prince Charming when you have a talking donkey and a soundtrack full of Smash Mouth.
6. Jennifer Lopez & Cris Judd: Why did J.Lo get married in 2001? Because she was “Real” and “In Love,” and she needed someone to help her carry all the jewelry she wore in her music videos.
7. Alicia Keys: Why was everyone “Fallin'” in 2001? Because Alicia Keys proved that you could play the piano and wear braids and still make everyone feel like they were in a cool jazz club instead of a mall.
8. Anne Hathaway (The Princess Diaries): Why did we all want to be from Genovia? Because in 2001, we learned that a hairbrush and some glasses-removal could turn anyone into royalty.
9. Ben Stiller & Owen Wilson (Zoolander): Why couldn’t Derek Zoolander turn left? Because in 2001, being “Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking” was a full-time job that left no room for basic navigation.
10. The Rock (The Mummy Returns): Why was the Scorpion King so blurry? Because in 2001, we thought CGI was magic, even when it looked like a PlayStation 1 character had a bad day.

The Full 2001 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Nicole Kidman (Moulin Rouge!): Why was everyone singing “Lady Marmalade”? Because Nicole Kidman proved that a giant elephant and some glitter could make the 1900s look like a rave.
12. Enrique Iglesias: Why was he a “Hero”? Because in 2001, he could kiss Jennifer Love Hewitt in a rainstorm and still have perfect hair.
13. Destiny’s Child (Survivor): Why were they wearing camouflage? Because in 2001, surviving the departure of three band members was basically like fighting a war.
14. Reese Witherspoon (Legally Blonde): Why did Elle Woods go to Harvard? Because in 2001, she proved that “bend and snap” was a more effective legal strategy than anything in a textbook.
15. Linkin Park: Why was “In the End” still playing? Because in 2001, it didn’t even matter how hard you tried, you were still going to hear that piano intro everywhere.
16. Michael Jackson (Invincible): Why was the album called Invincible? Because in 2001, MJ believed that if he wore enough gold tape, he could stop time and the music critics.
17. Gorillaz: Why were we listening to cartoons? Because in 2001, a 2D band was more relatable than half the real celebrities on MTV.
18. Tom Cruise & Penelope Cruz: Why were they the “Vanilla Sky” couple? Because in 2001, they were so attractive that the world didn’t mind that the movie made absolutely no sense.
19. Ocean’s Eleven: Why were there so many of them? Because in 2001, George Clooney realized that the only way to rob a casino was to bring every handsome man in Hollywood with him.
20. Missy Elliott: Why was she “Get Ur Freak On”? Because in 2001, she was living in the year 3000 while the rest of us were still figuring out how to use a stylus on a Palm Pilot.
21. Bridget Jones: Why was she checking her diary? Because in 2001, she proved that being single, eating chocolate, and wearing “granny panties” was a global mood.
22. OutKast: Why were they “So Fresh, So Clean”? Because in 2001, André 3000 proved that you can wear a fur hat in a locker room and still be the coolest guy in rap.
23. Winona Ryder: Why was she at Saks Fifth Avenue? Because in 2001, she gave us the most dramatic celebrity shoplifting scandal since the invention of the security tag.
24. Planet of the Apes (Mark Wahlberg): Why was the ending so confusing? Because in 2001, Tim Burton wanted to prove that even monkeys can have a plot twist that leaves everyone scratching their heads.
25. Angelina Jolie (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider): Why was she so popular? Because in 2001, she was the only person who could make a video game character look more realistic than the actual game.
26. Daft Punk (Discovery): Why were they wearing helmets? Because in 2001, being “One More Time” famous meant you didn’t even need a face to rule the dance floor.
27. Training Day: Why did Denzel Washington say “King Kong ain’t got nothing on me”? Because in 2001, he was the only cop who could make a leather jacket look like a lethal weapon.
28. Enya: Why was her music everywhere? Because after 2001 got stressful, we all needed a woman singing in Elvish to help us take a nap.
29. Monsters, Inc.: Why was Sulley scared of a toddler? Because in 2001, Pixar proved that even 8-foot-tall monsters have social anxiety.
30. Alien Ant Farm: Why were they asking if Annie was okay? Because in 2001, a Michael Jackson cover was the only way to get people to pay attention to a band named after a science project.
31. The Fast and the Furious: Why were they so angry? Because in 2001, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker realized that “living life a quarter-mile at a time” left very little time for actual conversation.
32. Shakira (Laundry Service): Why were her “le-do-lo-le-lo-le” lyrics a hit? Because in 2001, her hips didn’t lie, even if our attempts to dance like her were a complete disaster.
33. Aaliyah: Why did 2001 feel so heavy? Because we lost the “Princess of R&B” just as she was becoming the biggest star in the galaxy.
34. Jimmy Neutron: Why was his hair so tall? Because in 2001, he needed enough space to store all the “Brain Blasts” that we wished we had during math class.
35. Puddle of Mudd: Why were they “Blurry”? Because in 2001, post-grunge was the only way to express that we were confused about why we were still wearing wallet chains.
36. Black Hawk Down: Why was the cast so huge? Because in 2001, if you were a male actor in Hollywood, you were either a wizard, a hobbit, or a soldier in a Ridley Scott movie.
37. The Princess Diarist: Why did Julie Andrews stop singing? Because in 2001, she was too busy teaching Anne Hathaway how to sit like a lady and not a teenager from New Jersey.
38. Spy Kids: Why were kids secret agents? Because in 2001, Antonio Banderas realized that his kids could do his job better than he could.
39. Sum 41: Why were they “In Too Deep”? Because in 2001, pop-punk was the only appropriate soundtrack for jumping into a swimming pool while wearing baggy shorts.