37 Celebrity Jokes: The 2019 “Endgame & Baby Yoda” Edition

In 2019, we said a final goodbye to the Avengers, discovered that the “Way” involves a tiny green alien with big ears, and realized that a 17-year-old in a baggy sweatshirt was the new queen of pop. It was the year of “Old Town Road,” the Area 51 raid that never happened, and the moment we all collectively decided that an egg was more famous than Kylie Jenner.

The 2019 Top 10: The “Assemble & Bad Guy” Classics

1. Avengers: Endgame: Why was everyone crying “I love you 3000” in 2019? Because Marvel proved that three hours of time travel and one snap was the only way to break the world’s box office records and our hearts simultaneously.
2. Baby Yoda (The Child): Why did the world stop in November 2019? Because The Mandalorian introduced a creature so cute that even the toughest bounty hunters—and the entire internet—decided that protecting “The Child” was the only personality trait that mattered.
3. Lil Nas X (Old Town Road): Why was a cowboy hat the biggest accessory of 2019? Because Lil Nas X took his horse to the “Old Town Road” and stayed at #1 for so long that we actually forgot what other songs sounded like.
4. Billie Eilish (Bad Guy): Why was 2019 so “Duh”? Because Billie Eilish arrived with neon green hair and whispering vocals to prove that you can sweep the Grammys while looking like you just woke up from a very stylish nap.
5. The World Record Egg: Why did 54 million people like a photo of an egg? Because in 2019, the internet decided that the only thing more powerful than Kylie Jenner’s influence was a literal breakfast ingredient.
6. Joker (Joaquin Phoenix): Why was everyone dancing on stairs in 2019? Because Joaquin Phoenix proved that a society that treats you like trash is the perfect excuse for a colorful suit and a very intense Academy Award-winning laugh.
7. Area 51 Raid: Why were millions of people planning to “Naruto run” into a military base? Because in 2019, we collectively decided that “them aliens” were worth the risk, even if we only ended up standing in the desert drinking Monster Energy.
8. Game of Thrones (The Finale): Why was there a Starbucks cup in Westeros? Because in 2019, the series ended so quickly that even the characters needed a caffeine kick to survive the plot twists.
9. Parasite: Why were we all looking at our basements differently? Because Bong Joon-ho proved that in 2019, a “peach allergy” and a “scholarship” were the ultimate tools for social climbing.
10. Lizzo: Why was 2019 “Truth Hurts”? Because Lizzo took a DNA test and found out she was 100% that girl who was going to dominate every radio station with a flute and a lot of self-love.

The Full 2019 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Knives Out: Why was Chris Evans wearing a cable-knit sweater? Because in 2019, we realized that the only thing sharper than a murder mystery was a Captain America who’s allowed to swear.
12. The Lion King (Live Action): Why did it look like a National Geographic documentary? Because in 2019, Disney proved that technology is so advanced we can watch a photorealistic lion have an existential crisis in 4K.
13. Spider-Man: Far From Home: Why was Peter Parker on vacation? Because in 2019, he realized that fighting illusions in Europe is much harder than just doing his homework in Queens.
14. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood: Why was Brad Pitt on a roof? Because in 2019, Quentin Tarantino proved that a shirtless stuntman and a can of dog food were the keys to a cinematic masterpiece.
15. The Popeyes Chicken Sandwich: Why were there lines around the block? Because in 2019, a piece of fried poultry started a Twitter war that was more intense than most actual political debates.
16. Cats (The Movie): Why did the trailer haunt our dreams? Because in 2019, “Digital Fur Technology” became the two most terrifying words in the English language.
17. Marriage Story: Why were Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson screaming? Because in 2019, Netflix turned a divorce into a meme about punching walls and being “from LA.”
18. Stranger Things 3: Why was the mall so dangerous? Because in 2019, we learned that the 80s were about “Scoops Ahoy” outfits and fighting meat-monsters in the food court.
19. Taylor Swift (Lover): Why was everything pastel? Because after 2017’s snakes, Taylor decided that in 2019, she was “The Man” and that love was a colorful house with 18 different rooms.
20. Rocketman: Why was Taron Egerton wearing wings? Because in 2019, he proved that playing Elton John requires 50% glitter, 50% piano skills, and 100% honesty.
21. The Irishman: Why was the movie four hours long? Because Martin Scorsese decided that in 2019, you needed enough time to watch Robert De Niro age backwards and eat a lot of bread.
22. Post Malone (Hollywood’s Bleeding): Why was he “Circles”-ing? Because in 2019, he realized that he could make a sad song sound like a sunset and we’d all play it on repeat forever.
23. Us (Jordan Peele): Why were we afraid of scissors? Because in 2019, we learned that our “Tethered” doubles were underground and they had much better coordination than us.
24. Euphoria Premiere: Why was everyone wearing glitter on their eyes? Because Zendaya and HBO proved that high school in 2019 was 10% studying and 90% aesthetic trauma.
25. Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello: Why was “Señorita” so steamy? Because in 2019, they spent the whole summer trying to convince us they were “just friends” while having a #1 hit together.
26. It Chapter Two: Why were they all grown up? Because in 2019, Pennywise came back to remind them that a 27-year nap doesn’t make a clown any less hungry.
27. Ad Astra: Why was Brad Pitt in space again? Because in 2019, Hollywood decided that the moon needs more daddy issues and high-speed rover chases.
28. Bottle Cap Challenge: Why was everyone kicking water bottles? Because Jason Statham proved that in 2019, unscrewing a cap with a roundhouse kick was a vital life skill.
29. Midsommar: Why were we afraid of flower crowns? Because in 2019, Ari Aster taught us that a Swedish summer holiday is 100% sunshine and 0% chance of survival.
30. Lewis Capaldi: Why was he “Someone You Loved”? Because in 2019, he proved that you can have a voice like a soul legend and a Twitter account like a professional comedian.
31. Frozen 2: Why was Elsa heading “Into the Unknown”? Because in 2019, Disney realized that one ice castle wasn’t enough—they needed a whole enchanted forest and a catchy new high note.
32. The Masked Singer: Why were we watching a giant taco sing Lady Gaga? Because in 2019, our standards for entertainment became “guess which celebrity is inside the furry monster suit.”
33. John Wick: Chapter 3: Why was he fighting with a book? Because in 2019, Keanu Reeves proved that “breathtaking” people can kill you with literally anything in a library.
34. Shazam!: Why was a kid a superhero? Because in 2019, we learned that all it takes to get superpowers is saying one word and having a very enthusiastic best friend.
35. The 1917 Movie: Why was it one long shot? Because in 2019, Sam Mendes decided that the only way to experience WWI was to never, ever look away.
36. Jonas Brothers (Sucker): Why were they back? Because in 2019, we realized that the only thing we missed more than the 2000s was three brothers and their “Happiness Begins” tour.
37. The Year 2019: Why did it end? Because we were all too busy “Naruto running” toward 2020, completely unaware of what was actually waiting for us.