39 Celebrity Jokes: The 2005 “Me at the Zoo” Edition

In 2005, the internet changed forever with a video of a guy at a zoo, Tom Cruise lost his mind on a sofa, and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie turned a movie set into the world’s biggest tabloid scandal. It was the year of the Motorola PEBL, the rise of the “Belieber” ancestors, and realizing that How I Met Your Mother was going to take nine years to answer one simple question.

The 2005 Top 10: The “Tom Cruise & YouTube” Classics

1. Tom Cruise & Oprah’s Couch: Why did Tom Cruise jump on Oprah’s sofa in 2005? Because he wanted to prove that his love for Katie Holmes was stronger than the springs in Oprah’s high-end furniture.
2. The Birth of YouTube: Why was the first video just a guy at the zoo? Because in 2005, we didn’t need high-production value; we just needed to prove that the internet could handle 19 seconds of elephant trunks.
3. Brangelina (Mr. & Mrs. Smith): Why did Jennifer Aniston hate 2005? Because Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie proved that “acting” like you’re a married couple is a lot easier when you’re actually planning to become one.
4. Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: Why was Anakin so dramatic? Because in 2005, George Lucas decided that the best way to become a Sith Lord was to complain about “the high ground” and have a very bad day near a volcano.
5. Destiny’s Child (The Breakup): Why did they say “Check on It”? Because in 2005, they realized that Beyoncé was ready to run the world, and Michelle and Kelly were ready for a nap.
6. Kanye West & Hurricane Katrina: Why was Mike Myers so uncomfortable? Because in 2005, Kanye West went off-script on live TV and taught the world that a teleprompter is just a suggestion.
7. The Office (US Premiere): Why was Steve Carell so awkward? Because in 2005, he proved that being a terrible boss is the most relatable thing in America, as long as you have a “World’s Best Boss” mug.
8. Batman Begins: Why was Christian Bale so growly? Because in 2005, being a superhero meant you had to sound like you’d been eating gravel for breakfast just to be taken seriously.
9. Brokeback Mountain: Why couldn’t they quit each other? Because in 2005, Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal proved that the most dangerous thing in Wyoming wasn’t the weather, but a tent.
10. The iPod Nano: Why was it so small? Because Steve Jobs wanted to make sure that in 2005, your music was easier to lose than your car keys.

The Full 2005 Celebrity Jokes Archive

11. Harry Potter (Goblet of Fire): Why was everyone’s hair so long? Because in 2005, the directors decided that wizards don’t have time for haircuts when there’s a dragon chasing them.
12. Mariah Carey (The Emancipation of Mimi): Why was she so free? Because in 2005, she proved that you can’t keep a diva down as long as she has enough high notes to shatter glass.
13. Wedding Crashers: Why were Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn at your cousin’s wedding? Because in 2005, “Rule #1: Never leave a fellow crasher behind” was more important than the actual vows.
14. How I Met Your Mother: Why did Ted take so long? Because in 2005, we didn’t realize that “telling a story to your kids” meant reviewing every single date you had for the next decade.
15. Green Day (Bullet in a Bible): Why were they still angry? Because in 2005, wearing a red tie and black eyeliner was the only way to survive the mid-2000s.
16. 50 Cent (The Massacre): Why was he in a candy shop? Because in 2005, 50 Cent realized that rapping about lollipops was the fastest way to get every middle-schooler to buy his CD.
17. The 40-Year-Old Virgin: Why did Steve Carell scream “Kelly Clarkson!”? Because in 2005, having your chest waxed was the ultimate test of your pop culture knowledge.
18. James Bond (Daniel Craig Cast): Why were people mad? Because in 2005, the world wasn’t ready for a “blonde Bond,” unaware he was about to become the most lethal version yet.
19. Rihanna (Pon de Replay): Why did she want us to turn the music up? Because in 2005, she was just a girl from Barbados with a catchy beat and no idea she’d eventually own half of the fashion industry.
20. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Why was Johnny Depp so pale? Because in 2005, he decided Willy Wonka should look like he hadn’t seen the sun since 1984.
21. The Pussycat Dolls: Why did they ask “Don’t Cha”? Because in 2005, they knew exactly what you were thinking, and it probably involved a lot of hairspray.
22. King Kong: Why was the monkey so big? Because Peter Jackson missed Middle-earth and decided that if he couldn’t have Hobbits, he’d have a three-story gorilla.
23. Fall Out Boy: Why were the song titles so long? Because in 2005, “Sugar, We’re Goin Down” wasn’t enough; they needed a sentence that could double as a short story.
24. Prison Break: Why was Wentworth Miller covered in tattoos? Because in 2005, a blueprint of a prison was the only fashion accessory that could actually save your brother’s life.
25. The Chronicles of Narnia: Why was there a wardrobe in the spare room? Because in 2005, we all hoped that if we pushed past our winter coats, we’d find a talking lion instead of just dust.
26. Chris Brown (Run It!): Why was a 16-year-old in the club? Because in 2005, his dance moves were the only thing faster than the speed at which his career would eventually get complicated.
27. Sin City: Why was it black and white? Because in 2005, Robert Rodriguez wanted to prove that blood looks much cooler when it’s bright yellow.
28. My Humps (Black Eyed Peas): Why was this song a hit? Because in 2005, we were all “lovely little lumps” and we didn’t care about lyrics as long as the beat was annoying.
29. Grey’s Anatomy: Why was everyone crying in a hospital? Because in 2005, Ellen Pompeo proved that “Pick me, choose me, love me” was the ultimate romantic plea/medical emergency.
30. Madagascar: Why were the penguins so smart? Because in 2005, they realized that “smile and wave” is the best way to handle any crisis.
31. Coldplay (X&Y): Why were they so spacey? Because in 2005, Chris Martin thought that if he sang enough about “Fixing You,” the world would actually stop being broken.
32. Walk the Line: Why was Joaquin Phoenix so deep? Because in 2005, he became Johnny Cash so well that we forgot he ever played a creepy Roman Emperor.
33. American Dad Premiere: Why was there an alien in the attic? Because in 2005, Seth MacFarlane realized that Family Guy needed a cousin with a wig collection.
34. Panic! At The Disco: Why was there a circus in the music video? Because in 2005, closing a goddamn door was the most important thing an emo kid could do.
35. The War of the Worlds: Why were the aliens in the ground? Because in 2005, Tom Cruise realized that the scariest thing isn’t an invasion, but trying to keep a teenager happy during the apocalypse.
36. Gwen Stefani (Hollaback Girl): Why wasn’t she a “Hollaback Girl”? Because in 2005, she was too busy teaching us that “Bananas” has exactly one ‘B’ and two ‘N’s.
37. Kelly Clarkson (Since U Been Gone): Why was she trashing an apartment? Because in 2005, that was the only way to celebrate being a successful American Idol winner.
38. The Million Dollar Baby (Oscars): Why were we all sad? Because Clint Eastwood proved that in 2005, a boxing movie could hurt you more than an actual punch to the face.
39. Foo Fighters (Best of You): Why was Dave Grohl screaming? Because in 2005, he was trying to find the “best, best, best, best” of us, and it was taking a lot of vocal cords.