35 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2017 “Fidget Spinner & Despacito” Edition

In 2017, Thanksgiving was about spinning plastic toys, debating “The Last Jedi,” and realizing that “The Floor is Lava”—literally, if you dropped the gravy boat.

The 2017 Top 10: “Spinners, Salt Bae & Porgs”

1. Fidget Spinners: Why was the 2017 dinner so quiet but vibrating? Because every kid at the table had a plastic spinner in one hand and a fork in the other, trying to break the world record for “longest spin while ignoring an aunt.”
2. Despacito: Why was the kitchen so rhythmic? Because the song was so popular you couldn’t even peel a potato without doing it “Des-pa-cito” (slowly) to a reggaeton beat.
3. Salt Bae: Why was Uncle Jim dropping salt off his forearm onto the turkey? Because he saw the viral video and was convinced that “theatrical seasoning” was the only way to make dry white meat look like a gourmet masterpiece.
4. The Floor is Lava: Why was the toddler standing on top of the dining room table? Because the internet said the floor was lava, and apparently, the risk of falling into the stuffing was better than certain “magma” death.
5. The iPhone X (Face ID): Why was Dad struggling to unlock his phone? Because after three helpings of turkey and a nap, his “food coma face” didn’t look anything like his “ID photo,” and Siri didn’t recognize him.
6. Star Wars: The Last Jedi: Why were the cousins fighting? Because half of them loved the Porgs and the other half was convinced that Luke Skywalker wouldn’t just drink blue milk and hide on an island.
7. Taylor Swift’s “Reputation”: Why was the niece so dramatic? Because “the old niece couldn’t come to the phone right now… why? Oh, because she’s eating pie!”
8. The Solar Eclipse: Why was everyone still wearing cardboard glasses? Because they wanted to relive the “Great American Eclipse” and were hoping that if they looked at the oven long enough, they’d see a ring of fire.
9. IT (Pennywise): Why was everyone afraid of the basement? Because after the movie, we were all convinced that a dancing clown was living in the drain and that he’d offer us “balloons and better leftovers.”
10. Fortnite (Battle Royale Launch): Why was the basement so loud? Because the game just launched its free mode, and the cousins were too busy “flossing” and “default dancing” to notice the turkey was ready.

The Full 2017 Archive (Highlights)

11. Wonder Woman: Why was the dinner so empowering? Because Gal Gadot made everyone feel like they could save the world, or at least survive a 4-hour conversation with the in-laws.
12. The “Distracted Boyfriend” Meme: Why was Mom so annoyed? Because Dad was looking at the neighbor’s new grill with the same look the guy in the meme gave the girl in the red dress.
13. Coco: Why was everyone crying during dessert? Because Pixar taught us that “Remember Me” is the most emotional song ever written, especially when applied to the last slice of cake.
14. The Nintendo Switch: Why was the table so “portable”? Because the Switch came out, and the kids were “clicking” their Joy-Cons in and out, playing Zelda while pretending to listen to Grandpa.
15. Game of Thrones (Season 7): Why was the gravy “Beyond the Wall”? Because it was ice cold by the time the dragon-riding debate finally ended.
16. The RompHim: Why was the “fashionable” cousin wearing a male romper? Because 2017 was a confusing time for men’s apparel, and he wanted to prove that “one-piece comfort” is for everyone.
17. Cardi B’s “Bodak Yellow”: Why was the aunt so confident? Because she made “bloody moves” in the kitchen and didn’t need to dance—she just needed to make money (and gravy).
18. Stranger Things 2: Why was the nephew looking for “shadow monsters” in the yard? Because the sequel was out, and he was convinced the dog was actually a “Demodog” in disguise.
19. The Tide Pod Challenge (The Beginning): Why did Mom have to lock the laundry room? Because the internet started making “forbidden fruit” jokes, and she wasn’t taking any chances with the teenagers.
20. Beauty and the Beast (Live Action): Why was the table talking? It wasn’t—Mom just got too into the Emma Watson movie and started singing to the teapot.
21. The “Cash Me Outside” Girl: Why was the niece so sassy? “Catch me in the kitchen, how ’bout dat?”
22. The Handmaid’s Tale: Why were the aunts wearing red capes? They weren’t, but after the show premiered, any time Mom asked them to do the dishes, they replied with, “Under His Eye.”
23. Justice League: Why was the dinner a bit “fragmented”? Because much like the movie, it had too many characters, a confusing plot, and everyone wished it was a little more like Wonder Woman.
24. Kendall Jenner’s Pepsi Ad: Why did the cousin try to end a family argument with a soda? Because he thought a “canned beverage” could solve deep-seated political differences. (It didn’t).
25. The Tesla Roadster in Space: Why was Dad looking at the sky? Because Elon Musk sent a car to Mars, and Dad was hoping his old minivan would be the next thing to leave the atmosphere.
26. HQ Trivia: Why was everyone staring at their phones at 3:00 PM? Because Scott Rogowsky was live, and we were all one “savage question” away from winning $1.42.
27. Ed Sheeran’s “Shape of You”: Why was the kitchen so rhythmic? Because the song was played approximately 4 billion times that year, and we were all “in love with the shape of the bird.”
28. The “Mocking Spongebob” Meme: Why was the teenager repeating everything in a high-pitched voice? Because “wHy dOn’T yOu hElP wItH tHe dIsHeS?” was the official response to every request.
29. Get Out: Why was the atmosphere so tense when Grandma started clinking her tea spoon? Because after the movie, nobody wanted to be hypnotized into the “Sunken Place” before dessert.
30. Animoji: Why was Dad talking like a talking poop emoji? Because he got the iPhone X and spent the entire meal sending digital “crap” messages to the cousins.
31. The Unicorn Frappuccino: Why were the yams neon pink and blue? Because the Starbucks trend convinced Mom that “visual aesthetic” was more important than “flavor profiles.”
32. The “Hot Dog” Snapchat Filter: Why was there a dancing sausage on the table? Because the AR filter was a global phenomenon, and we all wanted a 3D hot dog to do a breakdance on the turkey.
33. Logic’s “1-800-273-8255”: Why was the mood so meaningful? Because the song brought mental health awareness to the mainstream, reminding us all to be a little kinder at the table.
34. The Fyre Festival Fail: Why were the rolls just a single slice of cheese on a piece of bread? Because Dad tried to “luxury-outsource” the catering, and we ended up in the culinary version of a disaster zone.
35. The “Right Said Fred” vs. Taylor Swift Debate: Why were the old people and the young people arguing about music? Because “Look What You Made Me Do” sampled a 90s hit, and nobody could agree on who “wore it better.”