34 Miscellaneous Jokes: The 2000 “New Dawn & DualShock” Edition

The year 2000 kicked off with a collective sigh of relief when the world didn’t actually end at midnight, leaving us with a lot of useless canned beans and a brand-new century to explore. It was the year we traded our floppy disks for the sleek power of the PlayStation 2, started watching strangers live in houses on Big Brother, and realized that a “hanging fruit” wasn’t just a metaphor, but a very confusing way to count votes in Florida. We were officially in “The Future,” and it smelled like new plastic and looked like a low-resolution Sims character set on fire.

The 2000 Top 10: The “PS2 & Reality TV” Classics

1. The Launch of PlayStation 2: Why did people wait in line for three days? Because Sony promised us “Emotion Engine” graphics so real that we’d finally be able to see the sweat on a virtual soccer player’s forehead—and because it was the cheapest DVD player on the market.
2. The Sims Release: Why did we stop living our own lives? Because in 2000, we discovered it was much more fun to manage a digital person’s bladder and career path than to actually do our own laundry.
3. Survivor & Big Brother: Why were we watching people brush their teeth? Because reality TV was born, and we suddenly decided that watching a group of strangers argue over a bag of rice was the peak of human entertainment.
4. The USB Flash Drive Hits the Market: Why did we feel like spies? Because we could finally carry 8 megabytes of data on a keychain, officially making the floppy disk look like a piece of ancient pottery.
5. The Florida Recount: Why did we learn the word “chad”? Because the US Election turned into a month-long drama about tiny pieces of paper, proving that even in the year 2000, we still hadn’t figured out how to use a hole punch.
6. The Launch of DeviantArt: Why was the internet getting artistic? Because a new site launched where everyone could share their fan art, digital paintings, and suspiciously specific drawings of hedgehogs.
7. The First Resident Crew on the ISS: Why was the sky getting crowded? Because three people moved into the International Space Station, officially starting the era where someone has been “out of the office” for every single second of the 21st century.
8. Linkin Park’s “Hybrid Theory”: Why was everyone so moody? Because nu-metal arrived in full force, and we all realized that “crawling in our skin” was the only way to express our suburban angst.
9. The Nokia 3310: Why was this the peak of engineering? Because 2000 gave us a phone with a battery that lasted a week and a casing that could survive a fall from a skyscraper—provided the skyscraper was made of something softer than the phone.
10. Cast Away: Why were we crying over a volleyball? Because Tom Cruise… wait, Tom Hanks… convinced the entire world that Wilson was a better supporting actor than most humans.

The Full 2000 Miscellaneous Jokes Archive

11. Gladiator: Why was everyone entertained? Because Russell Crowe made sandals look tough again and reminded us that “Strength and Honor” was a great motto for a Friday night.
12. The Millennium Bug Aftermath: Why did we feel silly? Because the only thing that actually broke on January 1st was our pride for believing that the power grid would be taken down by a spreadsheet.
13. Napster’s Peak: Why was Lars Ulrich mad? Because 2000 was the year Metallica realized that 20 million people were “sharing” their music, and the internet learned that you can’t put the MP3 genie back in the bottle.
14. The Launch of Baidu: Why was the “Great Firewall” getting a search engine? Because China decided they needed their own way to find things on the web, starting a tech giant that would eventually know what everyone in Beijing had for lunch.
15. X-Men (The Movie): Why was the spandex gone? Because 2000 taught us that “yellow spandex” was for comics, and if you wanted to be a cool mutant, you had to wear black leather and look very serious.
16. Razor Scooters: Why were everyone’s ankles bruised? Because these shiny aluminum sticks on wheels were the must-have accessory for every kid, teenager, and confused executive.
17. The Dot-com Bubble Burst: Why did the “E-Pets” go hungry? Because the stock market realized that a company selling dog food online for $0 profit wasn’t actually worth a billion dollars.
18. Britney’s “Oops!… I Did It Again”: Why was she in a red latex suit on Mars? Because in 2000, we didn’t ask “why,” we just danced to the beat and bought the CD at Sam Goody.
19. The Sony Discman with G-Protection: Why were we still vibrating? Because even with “skip protection,” one slightly aggressive step on the sidewalk would still turn your favorite song into a remix.
20. Meet the Parents: Why were we milking cats? Because Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro showed us that meeting the in-laws is a nightmare that involves polygraph tests and hidden cameras.
21. The Launch of RSS: Why were we “feeding”? Because Netscape and UserLand gave us a way to read news without actually visiting websites—the ultimate tool for the efficient procrastinator.
22. The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask: Why was the moon so angry? Because Nintendo decided that 72 hours of impending doom was exactly what kids needed for their holiday break.
23. Snatch: Why couldn’t we understand Brad Pitt? Because Guy Ritchie made a movie where the dialogue was faster than a bullet and the accents were thick enough to stop a train.
24. The Honda Insight: Why was the car so quiet? Because the first hybrid hit the US market, and we all stared at it like it was a spaceship that ran on AAA batteries.
25. Deus Ex: Why was everything a conspiracy? Because this game predicted a future of pandemics, global surveillance, and secret societies—and we all thought, “Wow, good thing this is just a game!”
26. The Wild Thornberrys Movie: Why was the baby talking to animals? Because 2000 was the peak of “Nicktoons” cinema, and we all secretly wanted a van that could turn into a boat.
27. The “Wassup” Commercials: Why was everyone sticking their tongues out? Because Budweiser created a catchphrase that stayed in our vocabularies about six months longer than it should have.
28. Final Fantasy IX: Why was it so “old school”? Because after two games of brooding teenagers, Square went back to mages with pointy hats and reminded us why we liked crystals in the first place.
29. The ILOVEYOU Virus: Why was an email so deadly? Because 2000 taught us that opening a “love letter” from a stranger could delete your entire digital life in ten seconds.
30. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Why were they flying? Because Ang Lee showed us that gravity is optional if you have enough “Qi” and a really beautiful sword.
31. The PlayStation 2 Vertical Stand: Why was the console standing up? Because Sony decided that a gaming machine should look like a piece of modern art, even if it meant it was easier for your dog to knock it over.
32. Scary Movie: Why were we laughing at the horror? Because the Wayans brothers decided that 1990s slasher films were so ridiculous they didn’t even need to write new jokes—just exaggerate the old ones.
33. The Last Manual Pagers: Why were they still on belts? Because in 2000, some people were still refusing to get a cell phone, clinging to their little plastic boxes like it was 1994.
34. New Year’s Eve 2000: Why was the party so much better than 1999? Because this time we knew the world wasn’t ending, and we could finally enjoy the fireworks without wondering if the fridge was going to explode.