33 Miscellaneous Jokes: The 2012 “End of the World & Style” Edition

In 2012, we lived every day like it was our last—mostly because a calendar carved in stone told us it might be. It was the year we learned that the entire world could be united by a K-pop song we didn’t understand, and that “The Cloud” was officially the place where all our data went to hide. We watched a man jump from the edge of space, saw the Avengers assemble for the first time, and realized that “Tinder” was about to change the meaning of “swiping” forever. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it was definitely the beginning of a much weirder one.

The 2012 Top 10: The “Gangnam & Curiosity” Classics

1. Gangnam Style: Why was everyone dancing like they were riding an invisible pony? Because PSY released a video so viral it became the first to hit a billion views, proving that language barriers don’t exist when you have a catchy beat and a bright blue tuxedo.
2. The Mayan Apocalypse: Why did we spend December 21st waiting for a giant asteroid? Because a calendar ended, and we all realized too late that the Mayans probably just ran out of rock.
3. The Launch of Tinder: Why were we swiping right? Because 2012 decided that dating should be a high-speed mobile game, turning “true love” into a thumb-based elimination tournament.
4. The Avengers Premiere: Why was New York full of aliens? Because Marvel finally put all their toys in one box, proving that a billionaire, a frozen soldier, and a very angry green guy are the ultimate solution to any intergalactic problem.
5. Mars Curiosity Landing: Why were we cheering for a sky crane? Because NASA landed a car-sized robot on Mars with a giant parachute and some rockets, and all it wanted to do was take selfies and zap rocks with lasers.
6. The London Olympics: Why was the Queen jumping out of a helicopter? Because 2012 was the year James Bond escorted royalty to the opening ceremony, and we all realized that Britain’s best export is officially “cool.”
7. The Launch of Tesla Model S: Why was the car so quiet? Because Elon Musk released an electric sedan that actually looked like a car from the future, making us all realize that the gas pump was starting to look like a museum exhibit.
8. Felix Baumgartner’s Space Jump: Why did a man jump from 128,000 feet? Because Red Bull gives you wings, or at least a very expensive balloon and the world’s most terrifying “first step” off a ledge.
9. The Launch of Windows 8: Why did the “Start” button disappear? Because Microsoft decided that our desktop computers should act like giant tablets, and we all spent the next year frantically clicking the corners of our screens in frustration.
10. The “Grumpy Cat” Debut: Why was the cat so annoyed? Because Tardar Sauce became the face of the internet, proving that being perpetually unimpressed is the fastest way to global stardom.

The Full 2012 Miscellaneous Jokes Archive

11. The Launch of Google Drive: Why was there another triangle on my desktop? Because Google decided we needed a place to store all the documents we’d never open again, officially starting the war of the “Cloud Storage” accounts.
12. The Hunger Games Movie: Why were we “volunteering as tribute”? Because Jennifer Lawrence made archery cool again and taught us that a braid and a whistle can start a revolution against a guy with a white beard.
13. The Launch of Nintendo Wii U: Why did the controller have a screen? Because Nintendo wanted us to be able to play games while someone else watched TV—even if we were only five feet away from the console.
14. Skyfall: Why was Bond going home? Because Adele gave us the best theme song in decades, and Daniel Craig proved that even a 50-year-old franchise can look better than ever in a tight suit.
15. The Launch of Candy Crush Saga: Why was everyone asking for “lives”? Because King created a digital sugar addiction that turned every subway ride into a desperate attempt to clear three stripes of peppermint.
16. The Higgs Boson Discovery: Why was it the “God Particle”? Because scientists at CERN finally found the thing that gives everything mass, proving that physics is 10% math and 90% smashing things together to see what falls out.
17. The Launch of Oculus Rift (Kickstarter): Why did we want a box on our face? Because Palmer Luckey promised that virtual reality was finally real, and we all wanted to see what it was like to be inside a game (and feel slightly nauseous).
18. Call Me Maybe: Why was Carly Rae Jepsen everywhere? Because she gave us a song so catchy that even the US Marines and Batman were doing lip-sync covers of it on YouTube.
19. The Launch of the iPad Mini: Why was it “just a smaller iPad”? Because Apple realized our hands were getting tired, and we needed a screen that was exactly the size of a paperback book but with 100% more pixels.
20. Brave (Pixar): Why was the hair so curly? Because Pixar spent years developing software just for Merida’s red locks, proving that “wild” hair is the most difficult thing to animate in the universe.
21. The Launch of Vine: Why only six seconds? Because in 2012, we realized our attention spans were shrinking, and we needed our comedy delivered in the time it takes to sneeze.
22. The “Overly Attached Girlfriend” Meme: Why was she staring at us? Because a parody video turned into the internet’s favorite way to describe “relationship goals” gone wrong.
23. The Launch of the Raspberry Pi: Why was the computer $35? Because someone decided that a PC should be the size of a credit card, making everyone feel like a hardware hacker for five minutes.
24. Magic Mike: Why was everyone “working out”? Because Channing Tatum and a group of strippers proved that “entertainment” comes in many forms—mostly involving glitter and abs.
25. The Launch of the Microsoft Surface: Why did the tablet have a “Click” keyboard? Because Microsoft wanted to prove that a tablet could be a laptop, even if it meant we spent most of our time trying to balance it on our actual laps.
26. Fifty Shades of Grey Mania: Why was everyone reading on their Kindles? Because the “mommy porn” phenomenon arrived, and the privacy of an e-reader was the only way to read about Christian Grey on the bus.
27. The Launch of Coursera: Why were we “taking classes” for free? Because Ivy League education went digital, and we all signed up for “Introduction to Psychology” just to feel smart while we actually watched Netflix.
28. Life of Pi: Why was there a tiger in the boat? Because Ang Lee showed us that CGI can be poetic, and that Richard Parker is a very ungrateful traveling companion.
29. The Launch of Google Glass (Announcement): Why did we want to look like cyborgs? Because 2012 was the year we thought we’d all be walking around with a tiny screen over our right eye, telling us it was raining while we were already wet.
30. Django Unchained: Why was the “D” silent? Because Quentin Tarantino gave us a Western with a lot of blood, a lot of style, and Leonardo DiCaprio finally proving he can be a world-class villain.
31. The Launch of Snapchat’s “Video”: Why were we recording 10 seconds of nothing? Because disappearing videos were the new way to show your friends exactly how much fun you weren’t having at a party.
32. The “Ehrmagerd” Girl: Why was she so excited about books? Because 2012 was the peak of “Gersberms,” proving that a retainer and a stack of Goosebumps is the recipe for internet immortality.
33. New Year’s Eve 2012: Why were we so relieved? Because the world was still here, we had our invisible horses, and we were ready to see if 2013 would be any less “apocalyptic.”