Why was the world’s most advanced carrier a “Statue” in 2019? Because we built a $13 billion ship with electromagnetic elevators that decided they’d rather… Read More »2019 Vintage: The USS Gerald R. Ford Elevators
A guy dies at the bar. The bartender says, “I think he was poisoned!” A guy in a sweater says, “I suspect… foul play… and… Read More »2019 Archive: The Knives Out
I’m “working” on my shrinking tech. Part of the 109 Classic Punny One-Liners: The Endgame & Baby Yoda Edition (2019) archive. Historically Verified
Why was New Orleans so happy? Because they traded Anthony Davis and got a 285-pound human highlight reel who eats rims for breakfast. Part of… Read More »2019 Classic: The Zion Williamson Draft
Why did the tech guy cheer? “It’s finally happening! The Apple wall is falling!” (He still needed 4 dongles). Part of the 71 Office Groaners:… Read More »2018 Classic: The USB-C iPad Pro
“My resolution is to stop caring about Bitcoins and Covfefe… and finally watch The Last Jedi.” Part of the 54 Adult Jokes: The 2017 “Luxury Fails &… Read More »2017 Classic: The New Year’s 2018 Resolution
“I’ve been sucked into a video game!” “No, you’ve just been staring at your phone for three hours. The real world is still here, and it needs… Read More »2017 Archive: The Jumanji Remake
Why? Because after 50 years of breaking every bone in his body for our entertainment, he finally got a trophy he didn’t have to do… Read More »2017 Vintage: The Honorary Award for Jackie Chan
A guy walks in wearing a Chicago Cubs hat and says, “I’ve waited 108 years for this beer!” The bartender says, “You look great for… Read More »2016 Vintage: The Cubs Win
Arriving at the shopping center entrance doors at 5:45 AM in matching nylon tracksuits to complete five brisk laps before the security guards unlock the… Read More »2016 Legacy: The Mall Walker Dawn Patrol
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