Welcome to the Spring 1995 edition of the Blonde Jokes series. Featuring 82 hand-picked jokes, this volume captures the unique wit and nostalgic spirit of the period.
1.
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton for hours?
Because it said “concentrate”.
2.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
3.
Why can’t blondes make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
4.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
5.
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence.
6.
Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
The box said 2-4 years.
7.
Why do blondes always smile during thunderstorms?
They think their picture is being taken.
8.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
9.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was trying to make up her mind.
10.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
11.
Why did the blonde drive her car into the lake?
She wanted to test if it was really a “submarine”.
12.
Why don’t blondes like making Kool-Aid?
They can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
13.
What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look! Donut seeds!
14.
Why did the blonde plant Cheerios in her garden?
She wanted Cheerios trees.
15.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
16.
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.
17.
Why was the blonde staring at the frozen orange juice can?
Because it said “concentrate”.
18.
Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
She can’t find the eleven.
19.
Why did the blonde buy a solar-powered flashlight?
She wanted to be prepared for a power outage.
20.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Friday.
21.
Why did the blonde put her money in the freezer?
She wanted cold hard cash.
22.
What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?
All you can eat for under a buck.
23.
Why did the blonde cross the road?
I don’t know, neither did she.
24.
Why was the blonde proud of her computer?
She programmed it to say “hello” when she turned it on.
25.
How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
She opens the car door.
26.
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could have them when she wanted a cold drink.
27.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
28.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed?
To see how long she slept.
29.
Why do blondes write TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
30.
Why did the blonde snort Sweet’n Low?
She thought it was diet coke.
31.
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
Write “Please turn over” on both sides of a piece of paper.
32.
Why did the blonde get so excited about the jigsaw puzzle?
It said “2-4 years” on the box and she finished it in 6 months.
33.
A blonde walks into a library and asks for a burger and fries.
The librarian says “This is a library.” The blonde whispers “Sorry… can I have a burger and fries?”
34.
Why did the blonde bring toilet paper to the party?
She was a party pooper.
35.
Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice carton?
It said “concentrate”.
36.
How do you get a blonde to smile on a Monday?
Tell her a joke on Friday night.
37.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She wanted to make up her mind.
38.
What do you call a blonde standing between two brunettes?
A mental block.
39.
Why did the blonde wear headphones during the test?
The teacher said it was a listening exam.
40.
Why don’t blondes eat pickles?
They can’t get their head in the jar.
41.
Why did the blonde throw away her weight-loss pills?
She heard they were for people who wanted to lose weight.
42.
What did the blonde say after looking at her pregnancy test?
“Oh look, two pink lines – that means it’s positive!”
43.
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
44.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
45.
Why did the blonde only drink diet soda?
She heard regular soda was bad for her.
46.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.
47.
Why did the blonde put her finger in the light socket?
She wanted a light snack.
48.
Why did the blonde take her computer to the doctor?
It had a virus.
49.
Why did the blonde buy a new car?
She wanted to drive her old one into the lake.
50.
What’s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Walks home.
51.
Why did the blonde go to art school?
She wanted to learn how to draw a conclusion.
52.
How do you know if a blonde has been using your computer?
There’s white-out on the screen.
53.
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
54.
Why can’t blondes make Kool-Aid?
They can’t get two quarts of water into the little packet.
55.
Why did the blonde get fired from the banana factory?
She kept throwing away the bent ones.
56.
Why did the blonde wear a helmet to bed?
She wanted to protect her thoughts.
57.
What do you call a blonde with a brain?
A miracle.
58.
Why did the blonde keep looking at the can of orange juice?
It said “concentrate”.
59.
Why did the blonde take a ladder to school?
She heard it was high school.
60.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
61.
Why did the blonde smile when she walked into the bar?
The sign said “Free drinks for blondes on Tuesdays”.
62.
Why did the blonde put her money in the blender?
She wanted to make some liquid assets.
63.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“Is it mine?”
64.
Why did the blonde go to the supermarket with a marker?
She wanted to draw her own conclusions.
65.
Why did the blonde only use one earbud?
She wanted to save the other one for later.
66.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow.
67.
Why did the blonde bring string to the party?
So she could tie one on.
68.
Why was the blonde’s computer cold?
It left its Windows open.
69.
What do you call a group of blondes standing in a circle?
A wind tunnel.
70.
Why did the blonde refuse to play cards?
She was afraid of getting dealt a bad hand.
71.
Why did the blonde take her TV to the repair shop?
It wouldn’t stop showing reruns of her life.
72.
Why did the blonde put her iPad in the blender?
She wanted to make apple juice.
73.
Why do blondes always wear green lipstick?
They know red means stop.
74.
What did the blonde say when told to make ice cubes?
“I don’t know the ingredients.”
75.
Why did the blonde wear two coats while painting the house?
The instructions said “put on two coats”.
76.
Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
She didn’t know how to use left guard.
77.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the W’s.
78.
How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that says “turn over” on both sides.
79.
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said “concentrate”.
80.
Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months?
The box said 2-4 years.
81.
What goes vroom-screech-vroom-screech?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
82.
Why was the blonde happy when she finished the puzzle?
It only took her 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.