74 Bar Jokes: The 2001 “Odyssey & iPod Era” Edition

In 2001, the bar atmosphere changed. The Y2K fear was gone, replaced by a fascination with portable tech and epic cinema. It was the year you could finally carry your entire music library to the bar (though the bartender still controlled the jukebox). People were ordering “Red Bull-everything” to keep up with the fast-paced new century, and the first signs of the “craft cocktail” revival began to stir behind the scenes.

The 2001 Top 10: The “iPod & Epic Quest” Jokes

1. The iPod: A guy walks into a bar with a first-generation iPod. The bartender asks, “Is that a hard drive or are you just happy to see me?” The guy says, “It’s 1,000 songs, but I can’t find a single one that fits my mood after this tab.”
2. The Frodo: A guy walks into a bar and says, “One drink to rule them all!” The bartender says, “That would be the Everclear, but you’ll have to throw your car keys into Mount Doom first.”
3. The Harry Potter: A guy walks into a bar and waves a stirrer like a wand. “Butterbeer, please!” The bartender says, “I can give you a Guinness and some melted butter, but you’ll still be a muggle in the morning.”
4. The Wikipedia: A guy starts an argument about a fact. He says, “Wait, let me check this new thing called Wikipedia.” The bartender says, “If it’s on the internet, it must be true… said no bartender ever.”
5. The 2001: A Space Odyssey: A guy asks for a drink. The bar’s computer says, “I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t serve you that.” Dave says, “Since when did the cash register get an attitude?”
6. The Shrek: An ogre walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind.” The ogre says, “That’s okay, I’m like an onion—I have layers, and most of them are thirsty.”
7. The Nokia 3310: A guy drops his phone on the bar. The bar breaks in half. The guy says, “Good thing I didn’t drop my drink.”
8. The Energy Drink 2.0: A guy orders a Whiskey Red Bull. The bartender says, “Do you want to be drunk, or do you want to run to the moon?” The guy says, “Yes.”
9. The Globalization: A guy orders a beer from every continent. The bartender says, “I can do that, but your liver is going to need a passport.”
10. The Britney vs. Christina: Two guys get into a fight about who is the better pop star. The bartender says, “Whoever wins gets to pay for the jukebox to play literally anything else.”

The Full 2001 Bar Archive (Extended List)

11. The Appletini Sequel: A guy orders an Appletini. The bartender says, “The 90s called, they said keep it.”
12. The Blue Beverage: A guy asks for a “Blue October.” The bartender says, “It’s a drink, not a band name… yet.”
13. The Broadband Dream: A guy says, “I have high-speed internet now!” The bartender says, “Great, now you can be wrong about sports at 512kbps.”
14. The Low-Rise Jeans: A guy says, “I like the new fashion.” The bartender says, “I’ve seen more waistbands this year than in my entire career.”
15. The Xbox: A guy tries to bring his Xbox to the bar. The bartender says, “Unless Master Chief is buying a round, put it away.”
16. The Moulin Rouge: A guy orders a drink and starts singing “Lady Marmalade.” The bartender says, “Voulez-vous coucher avec… the bouncer?”
17. The Fast & Furious: A guy orders a shot and drinks it in 0.2 seconds. The bartender says, “You’re living your life a quarter-ounce at a time.”
18. The Wikipedia Accuracy: A guy says, “Wikipedia says beer is a vegetable.” The bartender says, “And I’m the King of England. Drink up.”
19. The Martini Twist: A guy orders a Chocolate Martini. The bartender says, “One alcoholic dessert, coming up.”
20. The Mojito Madness: The bartender says, “If I muddle one more leaf of mint, I’m turning into a mojito.”
21. The Pager’s Ghost: A guy’s pager goes off. The whole bar laughs. He says, “It’s vintage!”
22. The Vodka Cranberry: A guy orders a “Cape Codder.” The bartender says, “We’re in Ohio, just call it a Vodka Cran.”
23. The Jäger Train: Ten guys order shots of Jäger. The bartender says, “All aboard the regret express!”
24. The Bud Light Institute: A guy says, “I’m a graduate of the Bud Light Institute.” The bartender says, “So, you’re an expert in water?”
25. The Stella Artois Glass: A guy asks for the chalice. The bartender says, “One fancy glass for a guy in a hoodie.”
26. The Guinness Pour: A guy says, “I love the 119-second pour.” The bartender says, “I love the 2-second tip.”
27. The Cosmopolitan: A woman orders a Cosmo and asks if it’s “too 1999.” The bartender says, “Style is timeless, but your bangs are very 2001.”
28. The Red Bull Heartbeat: A guy says, “My heart sounds like a techno beat.” The bartender says, “That’s the Red Bull. Sit down.”
29. The Digital Camera: A guy takes 50 photos of his beer. The bartender asks, “Is it going to look different in the next one?”
30. The Harry Potter Spoiler: A guy shouts a spoiler from the book. The bartender kicks him out. “That’s dark magic, pal.”
31. The Lord of the Rings: A guy calls his wedding ring “My Precious” after three whiskeys. The bartender says, “Go home, Gollum.”
32. The White Russian: A guy orders one and says, “The Dude abides in 2001.”
33. The Tequila Gold: A guy orders a shot and says, “It tastes like a sunset.” The bartender says, “It tastes like $4.”
34. The Happy Hour: “Is it 5 o’clock yet?” “It’s 2001, time is an illusion, but the beer is $3.”
35. The Screwdriver: A guy orders one and asks for “freshly squeezed pixels.”
36. The Rum and Coke: A classic that never goes out of style, even in the “space odyssey” year.
37. The Gin Fizz: Why was the Gin Fizz so loud? It was trying to compete with the new pop music.
38. The Lemon Drop: A guy orders a round of Lemon Drops for his “squad.” The bartender says, “We call those ‘friends’ here.”
39. The Bloody Mary: A guy asks for a Bloody Mary and a bacon strip. The bartender says, “This is a bar, not a breakfast buffet.”
40. The Manhattan: A guy orders a Manhattan and says, “I miss the old skyline.” The bar goes quiet. “To New York,” says the bartender.
41. The Old Fashioned: A guy orders one and says, “Some things should never change.”
42. The Sidecar: A guy orders a Sidecar and asks if it has GPS.
43. The Rusty Nail: A guy orders one and says, “It’s as tough as my dial-up connection.”
44. The Dark and Stormy: A guy orders one and the bartender says, “That’s just the mood of the stock market.”
45. The Sex on the Beach: A guy orders one and the bartender says, “Can you say that louder? My grandmother didn’t hear you.”
46. The Kamikaze: A guy orders a round and says, “To the future!”
47. The B-52: A guy orders one and says, “Light it up like a New Year’s Eve firework.”
48. The Mimosa: A guy orders a Mimosa at 10 PM. The bartender says, “You’re either very late or very early for tomorrow.”
49. The Sangria: A guy orders a pitcher and says, “It’s like a party in a bowl.”
50. The Margarita: A guy asks for “salt, salt, and more salt.” The bartender says, “Are you a slug?”
51. The Draft Beer: Why was the beer so cold? It was chilling with the new iMacs.
52. The Coaster: A guy uses his coaster to balance his uneven table. The bartender says, “That’s a $0.05 solution to a $50 problem.”
53. The Bar Snack: A guy asks if the pretzels are “low-carb.” The bartender sighs, “The Atkins diet has officially ruined my night.”
54. The Ice Cube: An ice cube says, “I’m the only thing in here that’s 100% natural.”
55. The Bottle Opener: The bottle opener says, “I’m the key to your happiness.”
56. The Bar Stool: A guy says to the stool, “You’re my best friend.” The stool doesn’t answer.
57. The Neon Sign: The neon sign says “Bud,” but the “B” is out. The guy says, “I’ll have a ‘ud’, please.”
58. The Pager Part 3: A guy’s pager falls into the deep fryer. The bartender says, “That’s one way to stop the boss from calling.”
59. The Karaoke: A guy tries to sing “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias. The bartender hands him a tissue.
60. The Pool Table: A guy rips the felt. The bartender says, “You’re not a shark, you’re a shipwreck.”
61. The Bouncer: The bouncer says, “You’re too drunk for 2001.” The guy says, “In 2002, I’ll be fine!”
62. The Bartender’s Tip: “If you want a fast drink, don’t ask for a Mojito.”
63. The Vodka Tonic: A guy orders one and says, “Clear like my 1-megapixel photos.”
64. The Rum and Coke: A guy orders a Captain and Coke and asks for a “Millennium” straw.
65. The Wine List: A guy asks for a “full-bodied red.” The bartender gives him a glass of Merlot and a sticker.
66. The Closing Time: The bartender yells, “Last call! Go home and download some MP3s!”
67. The Atkins Diet: A guy orders a burger with no bun and a bucket of whiskey. The bartender says, “Health is wealth, I guess.”
68. The Napster Sequel: A guy tries to “peer-to-peer” share a beer. The bartender calls security.
69. The BlackBerry: A guy is typing frantically on his BlackBerry. The bartender says, “Is the world ending or are you just sending an email?”
70. The Lord of the Rings 2: A guy asks, “When does the next one come out?” The bartender says, “In a year. Drink until then.”
71. The Harry Potter 2: A guy asks, “Where’s the chamber of secrets?” The bartender points to the bathroom.
72. The PlayStation 2: A guy says his PS2 is better than the bar’s TV. The bartender says, “My TV doesn’t crash.”
73. The Energy Drink Crash: A guy falls asleep while standing up. The bartender says, “The Red Bull has left the building.”
74. The 2001 Ending: A guy leaves and says, “2002 is going to be even better!” The bartender says, “Just keep the tips coming and I’ll believe you.”