38 Hollywood & Acting Jokes: The 2022 “Maverick’s G-Force, Elvis’s Voice & The Slap” Edition

In 2022, Hollywood decided that the big screen was officially back, mostly thanks to a 60-year-old man who refuses to use a stuntman. It was the year we learned that playing Elvis Presley can permanently change your vocal cords, that a multiverse can be navigated using a bagel, and that you should never, ever talk about Will Smith’s wife at an awards show. If you weren’t busy humming “Danger Zone,” you were probably wondering why everyone in Ireland was cutting off their fingers over a boring conversation.

The 2022 Industry Top 10: “Mach 10, Multiverses & Blue Oceans”

1. The Top Gun: Maverick G-Force: Why was Tom Cruise smiling? Because he spent $170 million to prove that you don’t need CGI when you can just put actors in real fighter jets until they actually throw up on camera for our entertainment.
2. The Everything Everywhere Bagel: Why was a laundromat owner the chosen one? Because the Daniels proved that the multiverse isn’t about superheroes—it’s about googly eyes, hot dog fingers, and the existential dread of a giant, everything-seasoned bagel.
3. The Elvis Voice: Why did Austin Butler still sound like the King six months later? For a performance so committed that he actually forgot how his own voice sounded, leaving us all wondering if he’d ever be able to order a pizza without saying “Thank you very much.”
4. The Avatar: The Way of Water Wait: Why did it take 13 years? Because James Cameron had to wait for technology to catch up with his desire to spend three hours showing us every single bubble in a digital ocean while we wore 3D glasses.
5. The Banshees of Inisherin Grudge: Why the fingers? For a movie that proved an Irishman would rather lose his ability to play the fiddle than spend one more afternoon listening to Colin Farrell talk about his boring feelings.
6. The Batman’s Eyeliner: Why was Robert Pattinson so moody? Because Matt Reeves decided that the “World’s Greatest Detective” should look like he’s been listening to Nirvana in a basement for three years without washing his face.
7. The Glass Onion Mystery: Why the layers? For a sequel that proved Benoit Blanc is the only person who can solve a murder on a private island while wearing a linen suit and judging everyone’s terrible taste in art.
8. The Nope Spectacle: Why the “cloud”? Because Jordan Peele realized that the scariest thing in the sky isn’t a saucer—it’s a giant, hungry animal that looks like a hat and hates it when you make eye contact.
9. The Smile Trauma: Why the grin? For a horror movie that made everyone in 2022 terrified of anyone being slightly too polite to them in a hospital or a birthday party.
10. The Black Panther: Wakanda Forever Tribute: Why the white robes? For a sequel that had to figure out how to say goodbye to a King while introducing a flying mutant from the ocean who really hates dry land.

The Full 2022 Acting & Industry Archive

11. The Triangle of Sadness Vomit: Why the yacht? For a movie that proved that when the ship hits the fan, the only person with any power is the lady who knows how to catch a fish and start a fire.
12. The Tár Intensity: Why the baton? For Cate Blanchett proving that a world-class conductor is basically a supervillain who just happens to be very good at Mahler.
13. The Puss in Boots: The Last Wish: Why the wolf? For a sequel that had no right to be that good, featuring a version of Death that actually gave children (and adults) nightmares.
14. The Northman Mud: Why Alexander Skarsgård? For a movie where everyone was 90% dirt, 10% Viking, and 100% dedicated to screaming at the moon.
15. The Uncharted Chemistry: Why Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg? For a video game movie that proved that if you have a plane and a cargo net, you don’t really need a plot that makes sense.
16. The Men Body-horror: Why the tunnel? For an Alex Garland movie that suggested that every man in an English village is actually just the same Rory Kinnear with a different hat.
17. The Bullet Train Fruit: Why Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry? For proving that a movie about assassins is better if they are obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine and citrus fruits.
18. The Thor: Love and Thunder Goats: Why the screaming? For the moment we realized that Taika Waititi might have had a bit too much fun with the “random humor” button this time around.
19. The Babylon Party: Why the elephant? For a 3-hour movie that started with a party so wild it made the real 1920s look like a Sunday school picnic.
20. The Whale Tears: Why Brendan Fraser? For a comeback so emotional that the world spent the entire year collectively rooting for him to win every award in existence.
21. The Pearl Axe: Why Mia Goth? For a performance that proved you should never, ever tell a farm girl she doesn’t have the “star quality” to be a dancer.
22. The Jurassic World: Dominion Locusts: Why the bugs? For a finale that promised dinosaurs but delivered a plot about genetically modified grasshoppers, leaving the T-Rex feeling like a supporting actor.
23. The Barbarian Basement: Why Justin Long? For a horror movie that taught us that if a rental house looks suspicious, the last thing you should do is go into the sub-basement (even if Bill Skarsgård is there).
24. The Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness: Why the horror? For Sam Raimi proving that a Marvel movie is better when there are possessed corpses, flying musical notes, and a lot of jump scares.
25. The Elvis Pink Suit: Why the hip-wiggling? For proving that in 1954, a man moving his legs was considered a national emergency.
26. The Turning Red Panda: Why the 2000s? For a Pixar movie that reminded us that being 13 is a literal monster-sized struggle involving boy bands and tamogotchis.
27. The Black Adam “Hierarchy”: Why The Rock? For a movie that promised to “change the hierarchy of power” in the DC Universe, only for the hierarchy to remain exactly where it was.
28. The Bones and All Road Trip: Why the “eating”? For a movie that suggested that being a cannibal is just another way of being a lonely teenager in the 80s.
29. The Pinocchio (Del Toro) Wood: Why the stop-motion? For proving that a wooden puppet story is much better if it involves Italian fascism and a giant sea monster.
30. The Terrifier 2 Length: Why Art the Clown? For a low-budget slasher that was so long and so gross that people were actually passing out in the theater (and the producers were thrilled).
31. The Morbius “Morb”: Why the memes? For a movie so forgettable that the internet convinced Sony to release it a second time just so they could keep making jokes about “Morbin’ Time.”
32. The Woman King Training: Why Viola Davis? For proving that an army of 19th-century female warriors is the most intimidating thing you can encounter in a cinema.
33. The Lightyear Buzz: Why the cat? For a movie that proved that even if you have a robot cat, it’s hard to make people care about the “human” version of a plastic toy.
34. The Fabelmans Camera: Why Spielberg? For a movie where Steven Spielberg admitted that his whole career started because he saw a train crash and wanted to see it again.
35. The Prey Dog: Why the Predator? For proving that the best way to revive a franchise is to set it in 1719 and have a Comanche warrior fight a high-tech alien with a bow and arrow.
36. The Hustle Basketball: Why Adam Sandler? For the annual reminder that when Adam Sandler isn’t making “Sandler Movies,” he’s actually one of the best actors in the business.
37. The Weird: The Al Yankovic Story: Why Daniel Radcliffe? For a “biopic” that was 100% fake, proving that Al Yankovic is the only person who can parody his own life.
38. The 2022 Final Industry Vibe: Why the “Maverick” effect? Because it was the year we realized that streaming is great, but nothing beats the feeling of a $200 million movie actually making you feel the wind in your face in a crowded room.