38 Hollywood & Acting Jokes: The 2006 “Casino Royale, Borat & The Boston Mole” Edition

In 2006, Hollywood was all about the “Reboot” and the “Deep Cover.” It was the year we learned that a secret agent could actually get hurt, that a fashion magazine editor is scarier than any horror villain, and that the fastest way to travel across America is in an ice cream truck with a bear. If you weren’t busy looking for “the rat” in South Boston, you were probably wondering if that guy in the mankini was actually a real journalist.

The 2006 Industry Top 10: “New Bonds, Mankinis & The Devil’s Prada”

1. The Daniel Craig Reveal: Why was everyone mad about a “Blonde Bond”? Because the internet thought James Bond’s only superpower was his hair color, until Craig walked out of the ocean and proved he could dismantle a terrorist cell and a tuxedo with equal efficiency.
2. The Borat “Very Nice!”: Why did 2006 feel so awkward? Because Sacha Baron Cohen convinced half of America to say things they’d regret on camera, and the other half to spend the whole year saying “High five!” in a thick Kazakh accent.
3. The Departed “Rat” Hunt: Why was the ending so messy? Because Martin Scorsese realized that if everyone is a double agent, the only way to finish the movie is to have every character shoot each other in an elevator.
4. The Devil Wears Prada Stare: Why was Meryl Streep so terrifying? Because she proved that a soft whisper and a slight look at a lumpy cerulean sweater could inflict more emotional damage than a nuclear strike.
5. The Snakes on a Plane Hype: Why did it fail? Because it was the first time Hollywood realized that “internet memes” don’t always buy movie tickets, even if Samuel L. Jackson is shouting exactly what the fans wanted him to shout.
6. The Pirates: Dead Man’s Chest Length: Why the giant kraken? Because Disney realized that if you have Johnny Depp and a jar of dirt, you can make a two-and-a-half-hour movie that is basically just people falling off things in slow motion.
7. The Pan’s Labyrinth Eyes: Why were people hiding under their seats? Because Guillermo del Toro proved that a “fairy tale” in 2006 involved a pale man with eyeballs in his hands and a very grim take on the Spanish Civil War.
8. The 300 Abs: Why did the sky look so brown? Because Zack Snyder decided that 300 actors with CGI six-packs shouting “This is Sparta!” was more important than actual sunlight or historical accuracy.
9. The Little Miss Sunshine Van: Why did everyone love a dysfunctional family? Because it proved that the only thing more stressful than a child beauty pageant is a cross-country road trip with a heroin-addicted grandpa and a silent teenager.
10. The Cars Merchandising: Why was Mater the star? Because Pixar realized that while kids liked the racing, parents would spend the next decade buying every single plastic truck with a Southern accent ever manufactured.

The Full 2006 Acting & Industry Archive

11. The Prestige vs. The Illusionist: Why the double magic? For the year Hollywood decided we needed two movies about 19th-century magicians, proving that the greatest trick of all was making us pay to see both.
12. The Rocky Balboa Comeback: Why was he back? For proving that you’re never too old to get punched in the face for 12 rounds as long as you have a heartwarming montage and a turtle.
13. The Night at the Museum Magic: Why Ben Stiller? For a movie that made every kid in 2006 think that if they stayed in a museum after 9 PM, Teddy Roosevelt would give them life advice.
14. The Blood Diamond Accent: Why Leonardo DiCaprio? For a performance that proved Leo could master any accent, as long as it involved him looking very stressed and sweaty in a jungle.
15. The Pursuit of Happyness Tears: Why Will Smith? For a movie designed to make you feel bad about your life for 110 minutes before giving you exactly 5 minutes of pure, unadulterated joy at the end.
16. The X-Men: The Last Stand Wings: Why the mess? For a movie that proved that having 50 mutants doesn’t matter if you kill off the most interesting ones in the first twenty minutes.
17. The Miami Vice Mumbles: Why Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell? For a movie so moody and dark that the actors forgot to speak clearly, making the whole thing feel like a very expensive cologne commercial.
18. The Dreamgirls Vocals: Why Jennifer Hudson? For a performance so powerful it made everyone forget that Beyoncé was actually the lead in the movie.
19. The Da Vinci Code Hair: Why Tom Hanks? For a movie where the biggest mystery wasn’t the Holy Grail, but what was happening with Tom Hanks’ long, flowing mullet.
20. The Happy Feet Dancing: Why the penguins? For a movie that started as a cute musical and ended as a terrifying environmental message about overfishing.
21. The Click Remote: Why Adam Sandler? For a movie that promised “Sandler with a magic remote” but actually delivered a devastating lesson about losing your family to workaholism.
22. The Talladega Nights Prayer: Why Will Ferrell? For proving that if you don’t come in first, you’re last, and that praying to “Baby Jesus” is a valid pre-race ritual.
23. The Children of Men Camera: Why the long shots? For a movie so technically brilliant it made every other action film in 2006 look like it was filmed by a bored teenager.
24. The Apocalypto Subtitles: Why Mel Gibson? For proving that you can make a hit action movie in an ancient Mayan language as long as someone is being chased by a jaguar for two hours.
25. The Holiday Houses: Why the swap? For a movie that convinced every woman in 2006 that if you’re sad, you should just swap mansions with a stranger and date Jude Law.
26. The Eragon Dragon: Why the disappointment? For proving that just because you have a best-selling book and a CGI dragon, doesn’t mean you’re the next Lord of the Rings.
27. The Jackass Number Two: Why the bees? For proving that in 2006, the height of cinema was still a group of men doing things to their bodies that made the audience physically ill.
28. The Queen’s Stare: Why Helen Mirren? For a performance so regal it actually made the real Queen feel like she needed to step up her game.
29. The Last King of Scotland Intensity: Why Forest Whitaker? For a performance so terrifying it made us all realize that being a dictator’s personal doctor is the worst job in history.
30. The Babel Confusion: Why the gun? For a movie that proved that everything in the world is connected, but mostly by tragedy and Brad Pitt looking sad in the desert.
31. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: Why no Vin Diesel? For a sequel that traded the original cast for “drifting,” proving that cars are the real stars of the franchise anyway.
32. The Letters from Iwo Jima: Why Clint Eastwood? For the year he made two movies about the same battle, because one perspective just wasn’t enough for his legendary productivity.
33. The United 93 Realism: Why the silence? For a movie so intense and respectful that it left audiences in 2006 unable to speak for at least an hour after the credits rolled.
34. The Marie Antoinette Soundtrack: Why the sneakers? For a Sofia Coppola movie that proved that the French Revolution is much cooler if it’s set to 80s post-punk music.
35. The Saw III Surgery: Why the brain? For the year the “Saw” franchise decided that traps weren’t enough and we needed a full-scale medical procedure on screen.
36. The Crank Heartbeat: Why Jason Statham? For a movie that was basically a live-action video game where the only rule was “Statham cannot stop moving or he dies.”
37. The Step Up Dancing: Why Channing Tatum? For a movie that proved that a street dancer and a ballerina are the perfect match, as long as they have a lot of chemistry and zero dialogue.
38. The 2006 Final Industry Vibe: Why the “Reality” check? Because it was the year of the mockumentary, the gritty reboot, and the realization that the internet could make a movie famous, but it couldn’t always make it good.