39 Hollywood & Acting Jokes: The 2016 “Deadpool, Civil War & The Wrong Envelope” Edition

In 2016, Hollywood decided that being a hero wasn’t enough—you had to be a hero with an attitude or a hero who hates your teammates. It was the year we learned that a Fourth Wall is meant to be broken, that a “Martha” can end a superhero feud, and that you should always double-check the name on the Oscar envelope before you start your speech. If you weren’t busy humming a tune from a Los Angeles jazz club, you were probably wondering why every actor in town was choosing a side in the Marvel divorce.

The 2016 Industry Top 10: “Chimichangas, Civil Wars & Moonlight”

1. The Deadpool Breakout: Why was Ryan Reynolds so happy? Because after ten years of trying, he finally made a movie where he could look like a “testicle with teeth” and talk directly to the audience about how much he hated his previous superhero roles.
2. The La La Land Upset: Why was the stage so crowded? Because for exactly two minutes, La La Land was the Best Picture winner, until someone realized that the Oscars are apparently a high-stakes practical joke and Moonlight actually had the trophy.
3. The Civil War Airport Fight: Why was everyone fighting in Germany? Because Captain America and Iron Man had a disagreement about paperwork that could only be solved by throwing a spider-kid and a giant-man at each other in an empty parking lot.
4. The Batman v Superman “Martha”: Why did they stop fighting? Because after two hours of brooding and building-smashing, they realized their moms had the same name, proving that the greatest weakness of the world’s finest heroes is basic genealogy.
5. The Arrival Linguistics: Why was Amy Adams talking to giant squids? To prove that the most stressful thing about an alien invasion isn’t the lasers—it’s trying to figure out if a circle with a squiggle means “hello” or “we’re going to eat you.”
6. The Rogue One CGI: Why was Peter Cushing back? For a movie that proved that in 2016, being “passed away” is no excuse for missing a Star Wars prequel if the digital artists have enough processing power.
7. The Suicide Squad “Damaged”: Why was the Joker so edgy? Because Jared Leto decided that “acting” meant sending used condoms to his co-stars and having “Damaged” tattooed on his forehead just in case we forgot he was the bad guy.
8. The Zootopia DMV: Why was the sloth so slow? For a scene that perfectly captured the frustration of every human who has ever tried to get a driver’s license, making it the most realistic moment in a movie about talking animals.
9. The Manchester by the Sea Gloom: Why was Casey Affleck so quiet? For a performance so depressing that the audience felt like they owed him an apology just for existing.
10. The Doctor Strange Hands: Why was Benedict Cumberbatch spinning circles? To prove that Marvel magic is 10% sorcery and 90% very intense hand-dancing in front of a kaleidoscope.

The Full 2016 Acting & Industry Archive

11. The Nice Guys Chemistry: Why Gosling and Crowe? For proving that a screaming Ryan Gosling and a grumpy Russell Crowe are the duo we didn’t know we needed until they started investigating a missing girl in 70s LA.
12. The Moana Soundtrack: Why “You’re Welcome”? For the song that proved Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson can do everything—including singing an ego-trip anthem that will stay in your head until 2027.
13. The Hidden Figures Math: Why the bravery? For proving that the only thing more impressive than going to space is being the woman who actually calculated the way there while being treated like a second-class citizen.
14. The Hacksaw Ridge Pacifism: Why Andrew Garfield? For a war movie where the main character refuses to carry a gun, making everyone else in the movie look like they were over-relying on weapons.
15. The Fantastic Beasts Suitcase: Why Eddie Redmayne? For proving that if you’re a wizard, you don’t need a house—you just need a leather bag and a very shy relationship with a platypus.
16. The Sing Animals: Why the auditions? For a movie that proved that even a pig in a tracksuit can have the voice of a superstar if the soundtrack budget is high enough.
17. The Silence Devotion: Why Liam Neeson and Andrew Garfield? For another year of Andrew Garfield looking very stressed and spiritual in a forest, this time with even more whispering.
18. The Ghostbusters Slime: Why the reboot? For a movie that proved that the internet is much scarier and more persistent than any actual ghost.
19. The Nocturnal Animals Style: Why Tom Ford? For a movie so fashionable and cold that you felt like you needed to be wearing a tuxedo just to watch the opening credits.
20. The Finding Dory Memory: Why the sequel? For proving that if you have short-term memory loss, every day is a new adventure, and every movie is a new surprise.
21. The Jungle Book CGI: Why the kid? For a movie where everything was digital except for one boy in a loincloth, proving that Neel Sethi is the master of acting opposite a blue wall.
22. The Split Twist: Why James McAvoy? For a performance where he played 23 different people, proving that he should have been paid 23 different salaries.
23. The 10 Cloverfield Lane Tension: Why John Goodman? For proving that a bunker with a survivalist is scarier than any alien invasion happening outside (maybe).
24. The Sausage Party Food: Why the R-rating? For a movie that made everyone in 2016 look at their hot dogs and baby carrots with a sense of deep, existential dread.
25. The Sully Landing: Why Tom Hanks? For proving that if you land a plane on a river, the government will still spend two hours trying to find a way to blame you for it.
26. The Hell or High Water Grit: Why the bank robberies? For proving that a modern Western is just two brothers, a fast car, and Jeff Bridges being very tired of everyone’s nonsense.
27. The Jackie Veil: Why Natalie Portman? For a performance that proved that 1963 was 5% history and 95% Natalie Portman trying to keep her dignity while wearing a pink suit.
28. The Magnificent Seven Remake: Why the hats? For a movie that proved that even with Denzel and Chris Pratt, some classics are just meant to be left alone in the desert.
29. The Accountant Math: Why Ben Affleck? For a movie that suggested that being an autistic accountant is the perfect cover for being a world-class assassin who likes to hit himself with a wooden stick.
30. The Passengers Loneliness: Why Chris Pratt and J-Law? For a movie that asked: “If you were stuck on a spaceship, would you wake up Jennifer Lawrence just so you wouldn’t be bored?” (and the internet said: “No, that’s creepy”).
31. The Pete’s Dragon Fur: Why the green? For a remake that proved that dragons in 2016 should look like giant, cuddly dogs instead of scaly monsters.
32. The Neon Demon Glitter: Why the fashion? For a movie that proved that the modeling industry is literally out to eat you alive.
33. The Warcraft CGI: Why the Orcs? For a video game movie that looked amazing but made everyone realize they should have just stayed home and played the game instead.
34. The Paterson Bus: Why Adam Driver? For a movie about a poet who drives a bus, proving that Adam Driver is the only person who can make “staring at a waterfall” look like a dramatic event.
35. The Deepwater Horizon Fire: Why Mark Wahlberg? For proving that if there’s a disaster on an oil rig, Marky Mark will be the one covered in mud and trying to save everyone.
36. The Jason Bourne Amnesia: Why the return? For a sequel that proved that even after ten years, Jason Bourne still can’t find a computer he can’t hack in five seconds.
37. The Don’t Breathe Silence: Why the turkey baster? For a horror movie that made everyone in the theater afraid to even eat their popcorn for fear of making a noise.
38. The Assassin’s Creed Animus: Why Michael Fassbender? For a movie that proved that jumping off buildings in a hood looks great in a game, but very silly in a movie.
39. The 2016 Final Industry Vibe: Why the “Disruption”? Because it was the year the Fourth Wall fell, the wrong envelope was opened, and we realized that from now on, anything could happen—on screen and off.