38 Hollywood & Acting Jokes: The 2011 “Hogwarts Ends, Apes Rise & Bridesmaids” Edition

In 2011, Hollywood was all about the “Grand Finale” and the “Unexpected Smash.” It was the year we learned that a silent movie could still win an Oscar in the age of iPhones, that a single “No!” from a CGI chimpanzee could give you goosebumps, and that you should never, ever eat Brazilian food right before a wedding dress fitting. If you weren’t busy crying over Snape’s memories, you were probably wondering how Tom Cruise managed to climb the world’s tallest building without ruining his hair.

The 2011 Industry Top 10: “Wizards, Primates & Poisoning”

1. The Harry Potter Finale: Why did Voldemort lose? Because after eight movies and ten years, he realized that no matter how many Horcruxes you have, you can’t defeat a kid with the power of friendship and a very dedicated fan base.
2. The Rise of the Planet of the Apes “NO!”: Why was Andy Serkis a miracle? Because he gave a performance so powerful that for the first time, audiences were actually rooting for the monkeys to take over San Francisco and kick James Franco out of his house.
3. The Bridesmaids Bathroom Scene: Why was it a game-changer? Because Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig proved that women can be just as gross, chaotic, and hilarious as the Hangover guys, especially after a bad batch of street meat.
4. The Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol Burj Khalifa: Why was Tom Cruise outside the window? Because at this point in his career, Tom decided that if he doesn’t personally risk his life at 2,700 feet, the audience just won’t believe he’s a real spy.
5. The Artist Silence: Why was a black-and-white movie winning everything? Because in a year of 3D explosions and loud robots, Hollywood decided the most “innovative” thing you could do was turn off the sound and use a cute dog to tell the story.
6. The Fast Five Vault: Why was it the best one? Because the franchise officially gave up on “street racing” and decided that towing a 10-ton vault through the streets of Rio was a perfectly reasonable way to spend a weekend.
7. The Thor Eyebrows: Why was Chris Hemsworth so blonde? Because Marvel was still figuring out the “God of Thunder” look, resulting in eyebrows so bleached they were more distracting than his giant hammer.
8. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Piercings: Why was Rooney Mara so scary? For a transformation so extreme that it made everyone forget she was the “nice girl” who dumped Mark Zuckerberg at the beginning of The Social Network.
9. The Moneyball Math: Why was baseball so boring (but good)? Because Brad Pitt proved that you can make a thrilling movie about a man looking at a spreadsheet and eating Twinkies for two hours.
10. The Hangover Part II Monkey: Why the face? Because the sequel proved that if you go to Bangkok, you’re guaranteed to get a facial tattoo, a drug-dealing monkey, and a script that is exactly the same as the first one.

The Full 2011 Acting & Industry Archive

11. The Drive Toothpick: Why Ryan Gosling? For proving that you can be the coolest man in Hollywood with only five lines of dialogue and a satin jacket with a scorpion on the back.
12. The Captain America Muscles: Why the “Skinny Steve”? For a CGI effect so good it made everyone in 2011 feel bad for a guy who was actually Chris Evans.
13. The X-Men: First Class Accents: Why Magneto and Professor X? For proving that the only thing more powerful than mutation is the chemistry between Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy.
14. The Tree of Life Dinosaurs: Why the space shots? For a Brad Pitt movie so “artistic” that some theaters had to put up signs explaining that the movie wasn’t broken—it was just Terrence Malick being Terrence Malick.
15. The Hugo 3D: Why Martin Scorsese? For proving that 3D can be used for something other than throwing things at the screen—like making a beautiful love letter to the history of cinema.
16. The Tintin Uncanny Valley: Why the eyes? For a Spielberg movie that looked incredible but still made everyone feel slightly like the characters were staring into their souls.
17. The Super 8 Nostalgia: Why the lens flares? For a movie that was so “Spielbergian” that J.J. Abrams almost forgot to put a monster in it.
18. The Help “Pie”: Why Octavia Spencer? For a scene that made everyone in 2011 promise to never, ever be mean to their maid, especially if she offers you dessert.
19. The Descendants Slippers: Why George Clooney? For proving that even the world’s most handsome man looks awkward when he’s running in flip-flops through Hawaii while dealing with a family crisis.
20. The Contagion Hand-Washing: Why the germs? For a movie that made everyone in 2011 terrified of doorknobs for two weeks (and was a terrifyingly accurate preview of 2020).
21. The Puss in Boots Spin-off: Why the eyes? For proving that a cat with a sword and a Spanish accent is enough to carry an entire franchise on his tiny paws.
22. The Transformers: Dark of the Moon: Why the moon? For a movie that proved Michael Bay can blow up Chicago for 45 minutes straight and people will still ask for a fourth one.
23. The Real Steel Robots: Why Hugh Jackman? For a movie that asked: “What if Rocky was made of metal and controlled by a remote?”
24. The Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows: Why the camouflage? For a sequel where Robert Downey Jr. spent 50% of the time dressed as a chair or a wall.
25. The Midnight in Paris Magic: Why Owen Wilson? For a movie that proved that every writer’s dream is to go back to the 1920s and have a drink with Hemingway.
26. The Immortals Oil: Why the visuals? For a movie where everyone was so greased up and shiny that you couldn’t tell the gods from the mortals.
27. The Warrior Tears: Why Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton? For proving that a movie about two brothers punching each other in a cage is the most emotional thing a man can watch.
28. The Muppets Comeback: Why Jason Segel? For proving that in 2011, the world still needed “Man or Muppet” and a lot of felt-based humor.
29. The Melancholia Planet: Why Lars von Trier? For a movie so depressing that a giant planet hitting Earth felt like a relief compared to the wedding at the beginning.
30. The Cowbys & Aliens Logic: Why the title? For a movie that delivered exactly what it promised and absolutely nothing else.
31. The Horrible Bosses Lessons: Why the trio? For proving that if you’re going to kill your boss, you should probably hire Jamie Foxx (aka Motherf**ker Jones) as your consultant.
32. The Crazy, Stupid, Love Abs: Why Ryan Gosling (again)? For a scene so impressive that Emma Stone literally thought he was Photoshopped in real life.
33. The Green Lantern Suit: Why the CGI mask? For a movie that proved that even Ryan Reynolds’ charisma can’t save a superhero suit made of animated lettuce.
34. The Iron Lady Teeth: Why Meryl Streep? For another year where Meryl put on a wig and an accent and reminded everyone why she has more Oscars than we have socks.
35. The Source Code Loop: Why Jake Gyllenhaal? For a movie that suggested being stuck on a train for 8 minutes forever is the ultimate test of an actor’s patience.
36. The Paul Alien: Why Seth Rogen? For proving that if an alien landed on Earth, he’d probably just want to smoke and watch movies.
37. The Sucker Punch Style: Why the visuals? For a movie that was essentially a two-hour music video that no one quite understood but everyone remembered.
38. The 2011 Final Industry Vibe: Why a milestone? Because it was the year the “Old Guard” (Harry Potter) stepped down, and the “New Wave” (Marvel, Apes, R-rated female comedies) took over the keys to the kingdom.