36 Hollywood & Acting Jokes: The 2015 “Chewie We’re Home, Bear Fights & Shiny Chrome” Edition

In 2015, Hollywood was all about grit and nostalgia. It was the year we learned that a two-hour car chase through the desert is the peak of cinema, that Sylvester Stallone can still make us cry by just looking at a mirror, and that Matt Damon is the most expensive person to keep rescuing from other planets. If you weren’t busy shouting “WITNESS ME!” on the highway, you were probably wondering if a bear actually has a chance against an unwashed Leo DiCaprio.

The 2015 Industry Top 10: “Force Awakens, War Rigs & Raw Liver”

1. The Force Awakens Nostalgia: Why was everyone crying in the theater? Because after 32 years, Han Solo and Chewbacca walked onto a ship and said “Chewie, we’re home,” and every adult in the world suddenly turned into a six-year-old.
2. The Mad Max: Fury Road Minimalist: Why was the script so short? Because George Miller realized that you don’t need dialogue when you have a guy playing a flame-throwing guitar on top of a truck in the middle of a desert apocalypse.
3. The Revenant Commitment: Why did Leonardo DiCaprio eat raw bison liver? Because he knew that if he suffered enough on camera, the Academy would finally feel too guilty to give the Oscar to anyone else.
4. The Martian’s Botany: Why was Matt Damon growing potatoes in space? To prove that no matter how far away he gets, NASA will spend trillions of dollars to bring him back so he can star in another sequel.
5. The Creed Legacy: Why was Stallone back in the ring? To prove that Rocky Balboa is the only character who can transition from “World Champion” to “Elderly Mentor” and still have more charisma than the entire heavyweight division.
6. The Jurassic World High Heels: Why was Bryce Dallas Howard running from a T-Rex in stilettos? For a scene that defied the laws of biology, physics, and common sense, proving that fashion is the ultimate survival tool.
7. The Hateful Eight Snow: Why was it so cold? Because Quentin Tarantino decided that the only thing better than a three-hour dialogue-heavy western was a three-hour dialogue-heavy western where everyone is trapped in a room and hates each other.
8. The Inside Out Core Memories: Why were adults weeping at a cartoon? Because Pixar decided to explain that sadness is an essential part of life by killing off a pink elephant-cat-dolphin hybrid made of cotton candy.
9. The Big Short Fourth Wall: Why was Margot Robbie in a bathtub? Because the financial crisis of 2008 was so boring and complicated that Adam McKay needed a movie star and some bubbles to explain what a subprime mortgage is.
10. The Fifty Shades of Grey Wait: Why was it so awkward? For a movie that promised to be “dangerous” but ended up being two hours of two people having a very tense negotiation about a contract in a very clean apartment.

The Full 2015 Acting & Industry Archive

11. The Avengers: Age of Ultron Party: Why the hammer lift? For a scene that proved the only thing the Avengers are worse at than saving cities is having a normal social life.
12. The Fast & Furious 7 Goodbye: Why the split road? For a CGI tribute to Paul Walker that made every “tough guy” in the audience reach for a tissue while “See You Again” played.
13. The Ant-Man Shrinking: Why the Thomas the Tank Engine? For proving that a fight scene on a toy train set can be more exciting than a city being dropped from the sky.
14. The Sicario Silence: Why Emily Blunt? For a movie that proved that in 2015, Benicio del Toro didn’t need to speak to be the most terrifying person in the room.
15. The Kingsman Church Scene: Why Colin Firth? For proving that a British gentleman can take out an entire congregation to the tune of “Free Bird” and still look dapper.
16. The Spotlight Paperwork: Why Mark Ruffalo? For making the most exciting movie about investigative journalism where the “action” was mostly people looking at old phone books and being very angry.
17. The Spy Falling: Why Melissa McCarthy? For a comedy that proved she’s a legitimate action star who just happens to be hilarious while fighting with a frying pan.
18. The Carol Gazes: Why Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara? For a movie where 90% of the acting was done through gloves, hats, and very intense staring in 1950s department stores.
19. The Straight Outta Compton Beat: Why the legacy? For proving that the story of N.W.A. was more dramatic and influential than any fictional superhero origin story.
20. The Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation Plane: Why Tom Cruise? For being the only actor who looks at a flying Airbus A400M and asks, “Can I hang off the side of that for a bit?”
21. The Bridge of Spies “Would it help?”: Why Mark Rylance? For proving that a spy can be the most interesting character in a movie just by being calm and asking if worrying would actually help.
22. The Ex Machina Dance: Why Oscar Isaac? For a scene so unexpected that it became a meme forever, proving that even a genius tech bro needs a disco break.
23. The Steve Jobs Silhouette: Why Michael Fassbender? For proving that you don’t need to look exactly like Steve Jobs as long as you can talk at 200 mph and look disappointed in everyone else.
24. The Room Performance: Why Brie Larson? For a movie so claustrophobic and intense that the audience needed a deep breath and a hug as soon as the credits rolled.
25. The Peanuts Movie Nostalgia: Why the dog? For proving that some classics don’t need to be “edgy” or “modern”—they just need Charlie Brown and a red bird.
26. The Minions Takeover: Why the gibberish? For the year we officially realized that the Minions were no longer just sidekicks; they were the new masters of the universe.
27. The Spectre Opening: Why the Day of the Dead? For a one-shot opening sequence that was so good the rest of the movie spent two hours trying to catch up to it.
28. The Danish Girl Transformation: Why Eddie Redmayne? For another year of Eddie Redmayne proving that “Period Drama” is his natural habitat.
29. The Black Mass Makeup: Why Johnny Depp? For a performance where he wore so many prosthetics that he looked more like a vampire than he did in Dark Shadows.
30. The Trainwreck Chemistry: Why Amy Schumer and Bill Hader? For a rom-com that proved that LeBron James is actually a better comedic actor than most of the cast.
31. The Cinderella Dress: Why the blue? For a live-action remake that proved that sometimes, you just want to see a very pretty dress and a gold carriage.
32. The San Andreas Earthquake: Why The Rock? For a movie that suggested a magnitude 9.0 earthquake can be defeated if Dwayne Johnson flexes hard enough at it.
33. The Goosebumps Nostalgia: Why Jack Black? For a movie that reminded everyone that 90s books were actually kind of creepy and very fun.
34. The Macbeth Mud: Why Michael Fassbender (again)? For a movie where everyone whispered Shakespeare in the rain while looking incredibly stressed and dirty.
35. The Pitch Perfect 2 Riff-off: Why the Bellas? For a sequel that proved “Aca-awesome” was still a thing, especially when the Green Bay Packers show up to sing.
36. The 2015 Final Industry Vibe: Why the “Legacy” year? Because it was the year Hollywood realized that the past is the most valuable resource—whether it’s Star Wars, Rocky, or Mad Max, everything old was new, shiny, and chrome again.