34 Thanksgiving Jokes: The 2003 “Finding Nemo & MySpace” Edition

In 2003, Thanksgiving was about big fish, social networks, and learning that “Where is the Love?” was the question, and more gravy was the answer.

The 2003 Top 10: “Nemo’s Fin & Beyoncé’s Strut”

1. Finding Nemo: Why was the fish tank so empty? Because after the movie, every kid at the table was convinced that “fish are friends, not food,” and they tried to flush the shrimp cocktail back to the ocean.
2. MySpace: Why was the teenager so stressed during dinner? Because he had to decide if Grandma made the “Top 8” on his profile, or if she was being replaced by Tom (the guy in the white t-shirt).
3. The iTunes Music Store: Why was the tech-uncle so happy? Because for the first time in history, he could buy just one song for 99 cents instead of buying a whole $18 CD just for the turkey-themed hidden track.
4. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King: Why was the dinner so long? Because it had seventeen different endings, and just when you thought the pie was over, someone brought out a new tray of cookies.
5. Beyoncé: Why was Mom walking into the kitchen so dramatically? Because “Crazy in Love” was playing, and she couldn’t help but do the “uh-oh, uh-oh” strut while carrying the 20-pound bird.
6. The Da Vinci Code: Why was Aunt Susan staring at the pattern of the peas? Because Dan Brown’s book convinced her that the dinner table was a secret map leading to the Holy Grail (which she suspected was hidden in the basement).
7. Pirates of the Caribbean: Why was Dad talking like he had a mouthful of marbles? Because Johnny Depp made being a pirate cool, and Dad spent the whole meal asking, “Why is the rum (sauce) always gone?”
8. The Blackberry 7230: Why was the table glowing blue? Because the first color-screen Blackberry arrived, and everyone was busy “BrickBreaker”-ing their way through the political talk.
9. The Black Eyed Peas: Why was the mood so philosophical? Because the radio kept asking, “Where is the love?” and Grandpa kept pointing at the empty bowl where the stuffing used to be.
10. The Arnold Schwarzenegger Election: Why was the kitchen “terminated”? Because after Arnie became the “Governator,” Dad refused to leave the room without saying, “I’ll be back… for seconds.” [1]

The Full 2003 Archive (Highlights)

11. Kill Bill: Vol. 1: Why was the bride-to-be wearing a yellow tracksuit? Because she wasn’t there for the turkey—she was there for “The Whole Bloody Affair” involving the last slice of cheesecake.
12. The 50 Cent Domination: Why was the basement vibrating? Because Get Rich or Die Tryin’ was the only album the cousins allowed, and they were “In Da Club” (which was actually just the laundry room).
13. Love Actually: Why was the atmosphere so romantic? Because the movie just came out, and everyone was holding up cardboard signs to each other instead of just asking for the salt.
14. The DVD “Extras”: Why were we still at the TV three hours later? Because the “Special Edition” DVD had a 4-hour documentary on how they made the fake snow, and we felt obligated to watch it.
15. The Mars Rovers (Launch): Why were the rolls so dry? Because Dad said they were “Spirit and Opportunity” and were meant to survive the harsh atmosphere of the dining room.
16. Elf: Why was the salad covered in maple syrup? Because Will Ferrell convinced the kids that “sugar” is one of the four main food groups, right next to candy canes.
17. The Camera Phone Revolution: Why are the photos still so bad? Because we were using the Nokia 3650 (the one with the circular keypad), and the turkey looked like a blurry brown thumb.
18. The Concorde Retirement: Why was the dinner so slow? Because the fastest plane in the world stopped flying, and we felt like we were back to “subsonic” speeds of eating.
19. Evanescence: Why was the teenager so “Wake Me Up Inside”? Because she was wearing too much eyeliner and felt that the cranberry sauce truly understood her soul.
20. The “Freedom Fries” Era: Why was the menu so patriotic? Because some people were calling the French Toast “Freedom Toast,” and the family was too confused to order breakfast.
21. OutKast’s “Hey Ya!”: Why was the family “shaking it”? Because Andre 3000 told us to shake it like a Polaroid picture, even though the digital camera was already making Polaroids obsolete.
22. The “O.C.”: Why was the teen drama so sun-drenched? Because everyone wanted to live in California, and “California” by Phantom Planet was the only song playing during the drive to Grandma’s.
23. The Matrix Reloaded: Why was there an identical twin at the table? There wasn’t—Mom just bought two turkeys because the “Architect” told her that the first one was a glitch.
24. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic: Why were the kids arguing about “Light Side” vs “Dark Side”? They weren’t talking about the turkey meat; they were deciding the fate of the Jedi in the basement.
25. The iPod (3rd Gen): Why did the uncle have a device with four glowing red buttons? Because he had the “touch-sensitive” iPod that held 7,500 songs, and he felt like a literal god of music.
26. Simple Life: Why was the city cousin so confused? Because Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie convinced her that asking “What is Walmart?” (or “What is a giblet?”) was the height of comedy.
27. The Human Genome Project: Why did we know so much about the family tree? Because the project was completed, and we finally had scientific proof that Uncle Dave’s “turkey gene” was a real thing.
28. Bad Santa: Why was the mall Santa so grouchy? Because Billy Bob Thornton made us all realize that the guy in the red suit might just be there for the free sandwiches.
29. The SARS Scare: Why were we so glad to be together? Because we realized that being able to share a meal without a mask was something we should never take for granted.
30. Justin Timberlake: Why was the table so “Justified”? Because JT went solo, and everyone was trying to do the “Rock Your Body” dance while passing the rolls.
31. The Chicago Musical: Why was the kitchen full of “All That Jazz”? Because the movie won the Oscar, and the sisters were doing synchronized chair dances in the pantry.
32. The USB Flash Drive (1GB): Why was the tech-cousin bragging? Because he had a drive that could hold a whole gigabyte, and he told us we’d never fill it up in our entire lives.
33. School of Rock: Why was the nephew “sticking it to the man”? Because Jack Black taught him that eating your vegetables was just another way the “establishment” tries to control your mind.
34. The Final 2003 Vibe: Why was it a classic? Because we were “Found” like Nemo, “Connected” like MySpace, and “Crazy in Love” with the fact that we had 34 different ways to celebrate.