30 Miscellaneous Jokes: The 2006 “Motion Control & Micro-Blogging” Edition

The year 2006 was when technology stopped being something we just sat in front of and started being something we waved around our living rooms. It was the year we officially kicked Pluto out of the solar system club, watched the birth of a “blue bird” that would change how we argue forever, and realized that “playing tennis” could be done while wearing pajamas. While Sony was trying to convince us that a $600 console was a bargain, we were all busy recording “Evolution of Dance” for YouTube and wondering if we’d ever stop saying “This is Sparta!”

The 2006 Top 10: The “Wii & Twitter” Classics

1. The Launch of the Nintendo Wii: Why was everyone hitting their siblings with a remote? Because Nintendo decided that “fitness” meant swinging your arm at a sensor bar until you accidentally threw the controller through your new flat-screen TV.
2. Twitter is Born: Why did we only have 140 characters? Because in 2006, we thought the peak of human communication was telling 50 strangers exactly what kind of cereal we were eating for breakfast.
3. The Death of Pluto’s Planet Status: Why was the solar system so mean? Because the International Astronomical Union decided that Pluto wasn’t “big enough” to be a planet, making every science textbook printed before 2006 look like a work of fiction.
4. The Launch of PlayStation 3: Why did it cost $599? Because Sony included a Blu-ray player and “Giant Enemy Crabs,” and they were shocked when we all decided that having a kidney was more important than “true HD” gaming.
5. The Movie “300”: Why was everyone shouting? Because Gerard Butler taught us that “This is Sparta!” is a valid response to any question, and that six-packs can be successfully enhanced with a lot of digital contrast.
6. Google Buys YouTube: Why did they pay 1.6 billion dollars? Because they realized that a site full of grainy videos of people falling off skateboards was worth more than the entire history of cinema.
7. The Launch of Roblox: Why were there so many blocks? Because 2006 saw the start of a platform where kids could build their own worlds, unaware that they were about to become the architects of the next digital generation.
8. The Debut of “Borat”: Why was it “Very Nice!”? Because Sacha Baron Cohen made a movie so awkward that we all started talking in a fake Kazakh accent and never, ever wanted to see a “mankini” again.
9. The Launch of MacBook Pro: Why did it have a magnet? Because Apple introduced the MagSafe power adapter, finally saving thousands of laptops from a tragic death by “tripping over the cord.”
10. The “Evolution of Dance” Video: Why did we watch it 100 times? Because it was the first true “YouTube Viral Classic,” proving that a guy in a brown t-shirt doing the “Macarena” was the peak of global entertainment.

The Full 2006 Miscellaneous Jokes Archive

11. The Launch of Spotify (Company): Why was Sweden so quiet? Because Daniel Ek started a company that would eventually make sure we never “owned” a song again, but could listen to all of them for the price of one latte.
12. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest: Why was the squid-man so slimy? Because Bill Nighy’s Davy Jones proved that CGI could finally look more real than the actual actors standing next to it.
13. The Launch of the 80GB iPod Video: Why did we need that much space? Because we wanted to carry 20,000 songs and the entire first season of The Office on a screen the size of a postage stamp.
14. The “Dick in a Box” SNL Digital Short: Why was it a gift? Because Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg showed us that the internet was the new home for comedy, especially if it involved a lot of 90s R&B style.
15. The Launch of “The Facebook” for Everyone: Why did our parents show up? Because in September 2006, the site opened to the general public, and suddenly “poking” your grandma became a real social possibility.
16. Cars (The Movie): Why were the eyes on the windshield? Because Pixar decided that if a car is going to talk, it shouldn’t look through its headlights like a monster—it should look through its glass like a professional.
17. The Launch of Intel Macs: Why was the “Bong” still there? Because Apple switched to Intel processors, making it possible to run Windows on a Mac—a sign of the apocalypse for some, and a miracle for everyone else.
18. The Da Vinci Code (Film): Why were we looking for secrets in paintings? Because Tom Hanks and his “historical” mullet convinced us that the Catholic Church was hiding everything behind a series of anagrams.
19. The Launch of Gears of War: Why was the cover so important? Because 2006 taught us that “real soldiers” spend 90% of their time hiding behind low walls and “chainsawing” things.
20. Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black”: Why did she say “No, No, No”? Because she released an album so soulful it made the rest of the 2006 pop charts sound like they were recorded in a bubblegum factory.
21. The Launch of the Wii Shop Channel: Why was the music so catchy? Because Nintendo created a 30-second loop of elevator jazz that would eventually become more famous than most of the games on the actual system.
22. The Devil Wears Prada: Why were we afraid of blue sweaters? Because Meryl Streep taught us that “cerulean” is a serious business and that “that’s all” is the scariest sentence in fashion.
23. The Launch of Blu-ray vs. HD-DVD (The Peak): Why were we still confused? Because the format war was in full swing, and we were all waiting to see if we should buy a dedicated player or just a PS3.
24. High School Musical: Why was everyone singing at lunch? Because Disney Channel created a monster that convinced every 10-year-old that high school is 10% classes and 90% synchronized basketball dancing.
25. The Launch of the Blackberry Pearl: Why was it so small? Because Research In Motion wanted to prove that “business phones” could be sexy and have a trackball that would eventually get stuck after three months of use.
26. The Departed: Why were there so many rats? Because Martin Scorsese finally got his Oscar by showing us that everyone in Boston is a mole, including the mole’s mole.
27. The Launch of Zune: Why was it brown? Because Microsoft decided that “social” music meant a squirt-sharing feature and a color palette that reminded us of a very sturdy 1970s sofa.
28. The Nintendo DS Lite: Why was it so shiny? Because Nintendo realized the original DS looked like a piece of heavy machinery and decided it should look like an iPod instead.
29. The Launch of Google Checkout: Why did we have another way to pay? Because Google was tired of PayPal having all the fun, even if we all just kept using PayPal anyway.
30. New Year’s Eve 2006: Why were we so ready for 2007? Because rumors of a “Google Phone” or an “Apple Phone” were everywhere, and we were tired of our phones having buttons that didn’t do anything cool.