72 Observational One-Liners: The 2010 Inception of Social Media

Step into 2010 – the year of the iPad launch (is it just a big iPhone?), the “Double Rainbow” viral madness, and the moment we all realized that The Social Network was more than just a movie about a website. It was the era of the vuvuzela at the World Cup and the summer when we all asked “What is a filter?” while uploading our first sepia-toned lunch to Instagram. Here is the observational archive of 2010.

The 2010 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Inception Spin: I just spent two hours trying to understand a movie, and now I’m staring at my car keys to see if they’ll start floating. Is this real life or just a dream within a dream within a corporate meeting?
2. The Instagram Filter Choice: I just spent ten minutes deciding between “Valencia” and “X-Pro II” for a photo of a lukewarm latte. 2010 is the year my life became 30% more sepia-toned.
3. The iPad Skepticism: Steve Jobs just showed us a giant iPhone without a phone. I called it a “useless tray” for a week, and now I’m currently using it to read the news while eating cereal.
4. The Vuvuzela Buzz: I spent the whole summer watching the World Cup and it sounded like a billion angry bees were trapped inside my television. I still have the humming in my ears.
5. The Minecraft Block: I just spent eight hours clicking on virtual dirt so I could build a dirt house to hide from a pixelated green exploding monster. This is my life now.
6. The Double Rainbow Guy: I’ve never seen anyone as happy as that guy looking at two rainbows. I want that level of joy, but I’ll settle for my 50 Mbps internet connection.
7. The Social Network “Friend”: A movie about the guy who made the site I use to ignore my real friends. “A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? A billion dollars.”
8. The Angry Birds Addiction (Still): It’s 2010 and I’m still launching birds at pigs. My thumb has developed its own muscle memory for parabolic curves.
9. The Katy Perry “Firework”: She asked me if I ever feel like a plastic bag, and honestly, after a 40-hour work week, the answer is “yes, Katy. Yes, I do.”
10. The Walking Dead Debut: A show where everyone is a zombie. It’s a great way to prepare for my Monday morning commute on the subway.

The Full 2010 Archive (Extended List)

11. The “California Gurls” Video: Snoop Dogg is in a candy world with Katy Perry. 2010 music videos are currently 80% glucose and 20% auto-tune.
12. The Toy Story 3 Trauma: I went in to see some talking toys and I came out a 25-year-old man sobbing in a public theater because a pink bear was mean.
13. The “Love the Way You Lie”: Rihanna and Eminem are back together on a track, and the music video features a lot of fire and intense staring.
14. The Despicable Me Minions: A yellow pill-shaped creature just made a “banana” joke, and I have a feeling I’ll be seeing these guys on every birthday card for the next decade.
15. The “Hey, Soul Sister” Ukulele: Train has officially made the ukulele the most hated and loved instrument of the year.
16. The Black Swan Paranoia: I watched a movie about ballet and now I’m checking my back for feathers every time I look in the mirror.
17. The “Dynamite” Taio Cruz: I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying “Ayo, Galileo!” No, wait, that’s not it.
18. The Iron Man 2 Suitcase: Tony Stark has a suit that folds into a briefcase. I have a laptop that barely fits in my backpack. Life is unfair.
19. The “Airplanes” B.o.B.: I really need a wish right now, mostly because I’m trying to download a movie on a 2010 Wi-Fi connection.
20. The Tangled Hair: Disney just proved that long hair is a great weapon, provided you have enough magic and a sturdy frying pan.
21. The “Only Girl (In The World)”: Rihanna wants us to make her feel like she’s the only one. Given how much she’s on the radio, she kind of is.
22. The Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: A movie that looks like a video game and makes me want to fight my girlfriend’s seven evil exes (I’ll probably just send them a polite email).
23. The “Just the Way You Are”: Bruno Mars has arrived to tell every girl in the world she’s perfect. He’s the new king of the romantic ballad.
24. The Shutter Island Twist: I spent the whole movie confused, and I left the theater still questioning my own sanity.
25. The “OMG” Usher: Will.i.am is on this too. It’s the official anthem of 2010 text-speak.
26. The True Grit Remake: Jeff Bridges is mumbling and Hailee Steinfeld is acting circles around everyone. A western that actually feels “gritty.”
27. The “Fuck You” CeeLo Green: The most polite way to be incredibly rude on the radio ever invented.
28. The Kick-Ass Reality: A movie that proved that if you try to be a superhero in real life, you will mostly just get beaten up and end up on YouTube.
29. The “Teenage Dream” Nostalgia: Katy Perry is singing about being seventeen, and I’m twenty-eight and still can’t figure out how to do my taxes.
30. The Expendables Muscle: Every action star from the 80s in one movie. It’s like a retirement home with more explosions and leather vests.
31. The “Like a G6” Far East Movement: I still don’t know what a “G6” is, but I know I want to feel like one when I’m at the club.
32. The How to Train Your Dragon: I want a Toothless. Every cat owner in 2010 just realized their pet is actually a small, flightless dragon.
33. The “Forget You” (Clean Version): CeeLo Green’s song was so good they had to make a version for the kids who aren’t allowed to swear yet.
34. The Prince of Persia Parkour: Jake Gyllenhaal is jumping off walls. 2010 is the year of the “video game movie that isn’t half bad.”
35. The “dj Got Us Fallin’ In Love”: Usher and Pitbull. Mr. Worldwide has officially begun his global takeover.
36. The Easy A “Pocketful of Sunshine”: Emma Stone just made this song the official soundtrack to every awkward bathroom moment.
37. The “Waka Waka” Shakira: The official World Cup song. It’s impossible to hear this without wanting to do that specific arm dance.
38. The Tron: Legacy Visuals: I don’t remember the plot, but I remember the glowing lights and the Daft Punk soundtrack. It was a two-hour music video.
39. The “Club Can’t Handle Me”: Flo Rida and David Guetta. The “EDM-Pop” era is officially in high gear.
40. The Alice in Wonderland CGI: Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. Tim Burton has officially used up all the colors in the digital spectrum.
41. The “Need You Now” Lady Antebellum: The official song for when you’re a little drunk and looking at your phone at 1:15 AM.
42. The Fighter Intensity: Christian Bale lost weight again. I’m starting to think he just enjoys being hungry for his craft.
43. The “Rude Boy” Rihanna: She’s asking if we’re big enough. I’m not sure what she means, but I’m too intimidated to ask.
44. The Clash of the Titans “Release the Kraken!”: Liam Neeson shouting in a toga. It’s the meme that defined the spring of 2010.
45. The “Animal” Ke$ha: She’s still glittery, she’s still messy, and she’s still the queen of the 2010 party scene.
46. The King’s Speech Stammer: A movie about a guy trying to talk. It’s the most intense drama about a microphone ever made.
47. The “Magic” B.o.B.: Rivers Cuomo is on this! 2010 is the year of the most unexpected musical collaborations.
48. The Salt Action: Angelina Jolie is a spy. Again. She’s very good at it, and I’m still impressed.
49. The “Not Afraid” Eminem: He’s sober, he’s serious, and he’s standing on top of a skyscraper. The real Slim Shady is all grown up.
50. The MegaMind vs. Despicable Me: 2010 is the year of the “supervillain as a protagonist” animated movie.
51. The “E.T.” Katy Perry: Kanye is an alien. 2010 is the year of “weirdly high-budget sci-fi music videos.”
52. The Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1: We spent two hours in a tent. It’s the most realistic camping trip I’ve ever seen on film.
53. The “Bulletproof” La Roux: This song sounds like it was made entirely on a Nintendo Entertainment System in 1985.
54. The Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps: Shia LaBeouf and Michael Douglas. Greed is back, but now it has a smartphone.
55. The “Mine” Taylor Swift: She’s singing about a guy she met by the water. Taylor is officially the CEO of “Relatable Love Stories.”
56. The Robin Hood (Russell Crowe): He’s a very grumpy Robin Hood. 2010 is the year of “Gladiator but in the forest.”
57. The “Cooler Than Me” Mike Posner: The official song of every guy wearing aviator sunglasses at a pool party.
58. The Resident Evil: Afterlife: Milla Jovovich in 3D. 2010 is the year we tried to put 3D in literally everything, including cereal boxes.
59. The “Alejandro” Gaga: She’s dancing with guys in bowls cuts and it’s very European and very confusing.
60. The Wolfman Remake: Benicio del Toro as a werewolf. It was dark, hairy, and I’ve already forgotten it happened.
61. The “Grenade” Bruno Mars: He’d catch a grenade for you. I’d probably just run away and text you “u okay?”
62. The Winter’s Bone Mystery: Jennifer Lawrence just arrived to show us that the Ozarks are terrifying and she’s a powerhouse actress.
63. The “Written in the Stars”: Tinie Tempah just brought British rap to the global charts. 2010 is a good year for “epic” choruses.
64. The Saw 3D Finality: They say it’s the last one. I’ve heard that before. The traps are now in “glorious 3D.”
65. The “Stereo Love” Accordion: The song that played at every beach bar in the world for the entire year.
66. The Unstoppable Train: Denzel Washington and Chris Pine vs. a runaway train. It’s the most entertaining movie about logistics ever made.
67. The “The Time (Dirty Bit)”: The Black Eyed Peas just sampled Dirty Dancing and my childhood is currently confused by the beat drop.
68. The 2010 iPhone 4: It has a “Retina Display.” I can finally see my own failures in high definition.
69. The “What’s My Name?” Rihanna: Drake is here! The most powerful duo of the 2010s has officially formed at a grocery store.
70. The 2010 Foursquare Check-in: I just became the “Mayor” of my local Starbucks. I don’t get free coffee, I just get a digital badge and a sense of shame.
71. The 2010 MacBook Air: It’s so thin it actually feels like I’m carrying a piece of cardboard.
72. The 2010 Optimism: We’ve got Instagram, the iPad, and a new decade. Surely the next ten years will be a smooth ride of technological bliss.