57 Mother-in-Law Jokes: The 2010 “Instagram & iPad” Edition

In 2010, the world learned that we didn’t just want iPhones; we wanted giant iPhones called iPads. It was the year of Inception, the launch of Instagram, and the “Angry Birds” phenomenon. For the mother-in-law, this meant her judgment was no longer confined to the dinner table—it was now a multi-platform experience. She became the ultimate “User Experience” (UX) designer, constantly redesigning your life without your consent.

The 2010 Top 10: The “Tablet & Filter” Classics

1. The iPad: I bought my mother-in-law an iPad. She asked where the keyboard was. I told her it’s a touchscreen. She said, “Great, now I can point at your mistakes in high definition and with backlighting.”
2. The Instagram: My mother-in-law joined Instagram. She doesn’t use the “Valencia” or “Nashville” filters; she only uses the one called “Disappointment,” which makes everything I do look 20% sadder.
3. The Inception: I told my mother-in-law her visits are like the movie Inception. It’s a dream within a dream, time slows down to a crawl, and I’m never quite sure when I’ll actually wake up and be alone again.
4. The Angry Birds: She’s obsessed with Angry Birds. She says it’s the only game that accurately represents her morning routine: “Loud noises and knocking down everything the son-in-law tried to build.”
5. The Social Network: We saw the movie about Facebook. My mother-in-law said, “A billion friends? I’d settle for one son-in-law who knows how to use a lawnmower.”
6. The Retina Display: She loves the new Retina Display. She says it’s finally clear enough for her to see the “lack of ambition” in my eyes from across the room.
7. The Kindle: She asked if her Kindle can read my mind. I said no. She said, “Good, I’d hate to be bored by what’s going on in there.”
8. The Toy Story 3: We watched the new Toy Story. My mother-in-law said the villain (Lotso the Bear) was “just a misunderstood leader who wanted a clean playroom.”
9. The Foursquare: She started using Foursquare to “check in” at my house. She titled the location: “The Museum of Unfinished Home Projects.”
10. The Update: My mother-in-law is like an iPad update. She takes an hour to install, changes all my settings, and I can’t figure out how to go back to the previous version.

The Full 2010 Archive (Extended List)

11. The App Store (Part 2): She searched for an app called “How to Talk to a Son-in-Law as if He Were a Human Being.” Zero results found.
12. The Selfie: She took her first selfie. She complained the camera was “too biased toward her wrinkles” and “not biased enough toward my flaws.”
13. The Bluetooth: She thinks Bluetooth is a sign of a weak immune system.
14. The Flat Screen: She says our TV is so thin it’s “virtually non-existent,” much like my contribution to the holiday planning.
15. The Laptop: She asked if my MacBook has “Siri.” I told her that’s next year. She said, “Good, I don’t need two women telling me you’re wrong.”
16. The E-mail Thread: She started using “Reply All” to send me her grocery list. Now the whole family knows I forgot the prunes.
17. The Garden: She told the ivy it was “clinging to the past” just like my high school football stories.
18. The Flip Phone: She finally traded her Razr for an iPhone 4. She says she misses the “snap,” so she just slams the kitchen cabinets to end an argument instead.
19. The Coffee: Her coffee is so strong it can be used as a heavy-duty degreaser.
20. The Sitcom: She says Downton Abbey is a show about “proper service,” which is something I clearly know nothing about.
21. The Cleaning: She brought a digital microscope to the kitchen. She said she’s looking for “evidence of a cleaning lady,” because she knows I didn’t do it.
22. The Wedding Video: She’s trying to sell the “Remastered for iPad” version of our wedding, featuring a pop-up menu of everyone who “could have done better.”
23. The Neighbor: She told the neighbor his mailbox was “excessively optimistic.”
24. The Airbag: She asked if the car has “judgmental sensors.” I told her she’s sitting on them.
25. The Internet Search: She searched for “Average price of a one-way ticket to Mars for an annoying relative.” She didn’t say who it was for.
26. The Digital Photo: She says digital photos are “too convenient.” She misses the days when you had to wait for disappointment to develop in a darkroom.
27. The Library: She checked out a book on “The History of Silence.” She returned it and said it was “a bit too loud for her tastes.”
28. The Mirror: She doesn’t use a mirror; she uses the reflection in my terrified eyes.
29. The Vacuum: She says the Dyson has “more personality” than I do.
30. The Map: I bought her a digital map. It started vibrating when she tried to take a “shortcut through a cornfield.”
31. The Chat Room: She’s the only person who can make a “Thumbs Up” emoji look like a dismissal.
32. The Supermarket: She tried to return a pineapple because it was “too prickly for a Monday.”
33. The Alarm Clock: She says my alarm clock is “brave” for thinking I’ll get out of bed on the first ring.
34. The Restaurant: She asked the waiter if the soup was “socially acceptable” or just “filling.”
35. The Rain: She says the rain in 2010 is “too digital.”
36. The Diary: Her diary entry: “Day 3. The son-in-law tried to explain ‘The Cloud.’ I told him he’s been living in one for years—a cloud of confusion.”
37. The Phone: She’s the only person who can make “Battery Full” sound like a threat.
38. The Suitcase: Her luggage is so heavy it’s technically a mountain range.
39. The Pizza: She told the pizza guy his car was “an insult to the neighborhood’s aesthetic.”
40. The Thermostat: She says 70 degrees is “the temperature of a failed state.”
41. The Bird: My parrot started saying “You missed a spot.” He’s officially her apprentice.
42. The Exercise: She says her favorite sport is “marathon nagging.”
43. The Window: She spends so much time at the window she’s practically a security system.
44. The Ghost: She told a ghost its “sheet was off-white” and it should “really try harder.”
45. The Calculator: She used a calculator to prove I’ve spent 40% of our marriage looking for the remote.
46. The Hat: Her Sunday hat is so big it’s causing a localized eclipse.
47. The Story: She tells a story about her childhood that always proves I’m not qualified to use a toaster.
48. The Guest Room: She says the guest room curtains are “passive-aggressive.”
49. The Car Trip: We drove to the forest. She said the trees were “too close together.”
50. The New Year: She’s already making a list of “2011 Failures” for me.
51. The Cake: She baked a cake so hard I’m using it as a base for the new garden shed.
52. The Radio: She hates “Indie Rock.” She says it sounds like “people who are sad about having to pay for their own hair gel.”
53. The Tea: Her tea is so hot it’s actually a localized sun.
54. The Walk: When she walks through the park, the ducks form a line to complain to her.
55. The Postcard: She sent a postcard from a desert island. It said: “Peace at last. But the sand is too sandy.”
56. The Camera: She thinks the “Self-Timer” on a camera is a way for it to “prepare to be disappointed.”
57. The Final Word: She doesn’t just get the last word. She gets the copyright, the trademark, and the syndication rights.