37 Christmas Jokes: The 2012 “Mayan Apocalypse & Gangnam Style” Edition

In 2012, Christmas was a victory lap. We survived the end of the world on December 21st, which gave us exactly four days to do all our shopping. It was the year of the “Invisible Horse,” the “Girl on Fire,” and the year we all started talking like a masked villain named Bane.

The 2012 Top 10: “End of the World & Horse Dances”

1. The Mayan Calendar: Why was Dad so relaxed about the credit card bill? Because he was 100% sure the world was ending on December 21st, and now he has to explain “survival debt” to the bank.
2. Gangnam Style: Why was the holiday party so repetitive? Because every uncle in America spent the night doing “The Horse Dance” while screaming “Oppa Gangnam Style!” and knocking over the punch bowl.
3. The Avengers: Why did the kids try to “assemble” the furniture? Because the first Avengers movie came out, and now every family gathering is just a debate about who gets to be Iron Man and who has to be Hawkeye.
4. Call Me Maybe: Why were the gift tags so long? Because they all said: “I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s a sweater, so call me maybe.”
5. The Hunger Games: Why was the dinner table so intense? Because Katniss Everdeen convinced the kids that the last dinner roll was a “tribute,” and they had to fight for it in the backyard.
6. The Curiosity Rover: Why was Santa worried? Because NASA landed a rover on Mars in 2012, and he was afraid they’d find out he uses the Red Planet as a secondary workshop for “difficult” children.
7. The London Olympics: Why was Grandma jumping off the couch? Because she saw the Queen “jump” out of a helicopter with James Bond and decided she was ready for a more active retirement.
8. Grumpy Cat: Why was the cat so popular? Because 2012 was the year of “Tardar Sauce,” and every holiday photo featured a cat that looked like it hated the “Joy to the World” sentiment.
9. 50 Shades of Grey: Why was Mom blushing while reading her “Kindle”? Because the book craze hit the suburbs, and suddenly “The North Pole” had a completely different meaning for the neighborhood book club.
10. Skyfall: Why was the holiday drink so specific? Because James Bond returned, and Dad spent the night insisting his eggnog be “shaken, not stirred,” despite the mess it made.

The Full 2012 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. Gotye – “Somebody That I Used to Know”: Why was the breakup talk so colorful? Because the song was everywhere, and we were all just “some relatives that you used to know” by the end of the year.
12. The Dark Knight Rises: Why was the dinner blessing so hard to hear? Because every man at the table was trying to say grace in a muffled “Bane” voice through their napkins.
13. Instagram Bought by Facebook: Why were the photos so vintage? Because we all started using “Valencia” filters on our turkey photos, making 2012 look like 1974.
14. Magic Mike: Why did the gift exchange get awkward? Because someone gave Grandpa a “Channing Tatum” calendar, and he took it as a personal challenge.
15. The iPad Mini: Why was the tablet so small? Because Apple realized we needed a device that could fit in a stocking, even if it meant our thumbs were now too big for the keyboard.
16. Wreck-It Ralph: Why was the arcade so nostalgic? Because Disney made us feel bad for the “bad guys,” and every kid wanted a “Hero’s Duty” medal for finishing their sprouts.
17. One Direction – “What Makes You Beautiful”: Why were the teenage girls screaming? Because 1D was officially the biggest thing on the planet, and they only wanted five British boys for Christmas.
18. The “Kony 2012” Video: Why was everyone a “digital activist” for exactly one week? Because 2012 taught us that a viral video could change the world—until we got distracted by the next cat meme.
19. Brave (Pixar): Why was the hair so red? Because Merida taught every girl that you can “change your fate,” as long as you have a bow and a very thick Scottish accent.
20. Macklemore – “Thrift Shop”: Why did everyone look like they shopped at a garage sale? Because Macklemore made wearing “your granddad’s clothes” the coolest way to save $20.
21. The Wii U: Why was the remote so big? Because Nintendo thought we wanted a tablet that only worked if you stayed in the same room as the console.
22. Pinterest Mania: Why was the DIY wreath a disaster? Because Mom saw it on Pinterest and forgot that she doesn’t have the skills of a professional florist or the patience of a saint.
23. Carly Rae Jepsen: Why was the radio stuck on one station? Because “Call Me Maybe” was played so many times that it was legally declared the 51st state of the Union.
24. Ted (The Movie): Why was the teddy bear so rude? Because Seth MacFarlane ruined our childhood toys by making them drink beer and swear at the neighbors.
25. Felix Baumgartner: Why was the cousin jumping off the roof? Because he saw the Red Bull “Space Jump” and thought he could break the sound barrier before hitting the trampoline.
26. Taylor Swift – “Red”: Why was the breakup song so catchy? Because Taylor was “never ever ever” getting back together with her exes, and we were all singing along.
27. Pitch Perfect: Why was everyone tapping cups on the table? Because the “Cup Song” became the only acceptable way to signal that you wanted a refill.
28. Frank Ocean: Why was the R&B so “Channel Orange”? Because 2012 was the year of smooth vibes and realizing that “thinking about you” was the ultimate holiday mood.
29. Life of Pi: Why was there a tiger in the bathtub? Because the movie was so beautiful we all wanted a spiritual journey with a Bengal tiger, until it tried to eat the dog.
30. Candy Crush: Why was everyone’s phone pinging? Because “Divine!” and “Tasty!” became the only sounds heard during the church service.
31. The iPhone 5: Why was the phone so long? Because Apple added a fifth row of icons and acted like they had discovered fire.
32. Les Misérables: Why was everyone singing their dinner requests? Because Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway made “misery” look like an Oscar-winning musical.
33. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: Why was the movie so slow? Because it took three hours just to leave the house, which is exactly how long it takes a family of five to get into the car.
34. Hurricane Sandy: Why was the basement still a mess? Because the “Superstorm” reminded us that nature doesn’t care about your holiday decorations.
35. The 2012 “Recount”: Why were we still arguing about Florida? Because every election year is the same, and the holiday table is the primary battleground.
36. Gangnam Style (1 Billion Views): Why did the internet break? Because PSY became the first person to reach a billion views, proving that the world truly was unified by a horse dance.
37. The Final 2012 Vibe: Why was everyone so “Alive”? Because the Mayan calendar ended, the world didn’t blow up, and we all lived to see 2013.