35 Christmas Jokes: The 2011 “Royal Wedding & Skyrim” Edition

In 2011, Christmas was the bridge to the future. We were asking Siri where to find the best eggnog, watching the final Harry Potter movie on repeat, and trying to figure out if we were more of a “Dovahkiin” or a “Plank” enthusiast.

The 2011 Top 10: The “Siri & Dragonborn”

1. The Launch of Siri: Why did the Christmas dinner start with an argument? Because Dad spent forty minutes asking his iPhone 4S, “Siri, am I the funniest person at the table?” and she just replied, “I found a list of comedy clubs near you.”
2. The Royal Wedding: Why was the guest list so fancy? Because after Prince William and Kate Middleton got married, everyone thought they needed a “fascinator” hat and a balcony to wave from before they could open a box of chocolates.
3. Skyrim: Why was the living room so quiet? Because every gamer was busy yelling “Fus Ro Dah!” at their TV and explaining to their parents that they used to be carolers, but then they “took an arrow in the knee.”
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: Why was there a box of tissues under the tree? Because the cinematic era ended, and we all realized that we were finally too old for Hogwarts, but just the right age for a mid-life crisis.
5. Planking: Why was the neighbor lying face down on his mailbox? Because “Planking” was the height of 2011 comedy, and he wanted to prove he could be as stiff as a frozen turkey.
6. The Death of Steve Jobs: Why were the gifts so bittersweet? Because the man who gave us the iPod, iPhone, and iPad passed away, leaving us all wondering who was going to tell us what we needed next Christmas.
7. Adele – “21”: Why was everyone crying while doing the dishes? Because “Someone Like You” was on a loop, and Adele made everyone feel like they were going through a breakup with their own leftovers.
8. The Nintendo 3DS: Why was everyone squinting? Because the first 3D handheld arrived, and we spent the whole day trying to find the “sweet spot” where the screen didn’t give us a migraine.
9. Rebecca Black – “Friday”: Why was everyone dreading the day after Thursday? Because the most “viral” song of the year taught us exactly which seat we should take in the car, and we couldn’t un-hear it.
10. Game of Thrones (Season 1): Why did everyone look so worried about the weather? Because the show premiered, and “Winter is Coming” became the only valid way to complain about the heating bill.

The Full 2011 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. Minecraft (Full Release): Why did the kids ask for “Diamonds” for Christmas? They didn’t want jewelry; they just wanted to craft a pickaxe that could survive a creeper attack.
12. The Help: Why was there so much gossip at the table? Because the movie made everyone want to sit on a porch and talk about “the help,” while Mom reminded everyone that she was the only help in this house.
13. LMFAO – “Party Rock Anthem”: Why was the house shaking? Because “Every day I’m shufflin'” became the mandatory dance move for anyone walking from the sofa to the fridge.
14. The “Occupying” Trend: Why was there a tent in the backyard? Because the kids decided to “Occupy the Playroom” until their demands for more dessert were met by the 1%.
15. Bridesmaids: Why was the food poisoning joke so popular? Because the movie made us all terrified of “bad Brazilian food” before a big event.
16. Snapchat (Launch): Why did the kids take a photo of the tree and then panic? Because a new app promised that the photo would disappear in 10 seconds, and they weren’t sure if the gifts would disappear too.
17. Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Why was the dog looking at us suspiciously? Because Andy Serkis convinced us that the animals are only one “smart drug” away from taking over the guest bedroom.
18. Pitbull – “Mr. Worldwide”: Why did the holiday feel so international? Because Pitbull was in every song, and he made sure to tell us exactly which cities he was currently visiting.
19. The Kindle Fire: Why was the fireplace obsolete? Because Amazon released a tablet that let you watch a digital fire while reading a digital book about a digital dragon.
20. Charlie Sheen – “Winning”: Why was Uncle Dave talking about “Tiger Blood” and “Adonis DNA”? Because 2011 was the year of the ultimate celebrity meltdown, and we were all just trying to “stay winning.”
21. The Muppets (Movie): Why was everyone asking “Am I a man or am I a Muppet?” Because Jason Segel made us realize that having a felt-covered identity crisis is actually quite heartwarming.
22. Lana Del Rey – “Video Games”: Why was the mood so “vintage”? Because Lana appeared with her “pout” and her nostalgia, making everyone want to wear a flower crown to the pasterka.
23. Portal 2: Why was there a potato plugged into the wall? Because GladOS was back, and we all learned that science is better when it’s done by a sarcastic AI.
24. Hugo: Why was the movie so “clock-heavy”? Because Martin Scorsese decided that 2011 was the year we should all care about the history of French cinema and mechanical boys.
25. The “Honey Badger” Video: Why didn’t the kids care about their chores? Because “Honey Badger don’t care, honey badger don’t give a…” well, you know the rest.
26. Midnight in Paris: Why was Dad wandering around at 12:00 AM? He wasn’t looking for a snack; he was just hoping a vintage car would pick him up and take him to have a drink with Hemingway.
27. Skylanders: Why were there plastic toys on top of the gaming console? Because Activision figured out a way to make parents buy a toy and a video game at the same time.
28. The Smurfs (Movie): Why was the house so blue? Because Neil Patrick Harris tried his best, but we all knew the Smurfs were just here to sell more blue-tinted merchandise.
29. Drive (The Movie): Why was the cousin wearing a satin jacket with a scorpion on it? Because Ryan Gosling didn’t say much, but he made “staring intensely” the coolest holiday activity.
30. Foster the People – “Pumped Up Kicks”: Why was the radio so catchy yet confusing? Because we were all whistling along to a song while trying not to think too hard about what the lyrics actually meant.
31. The Adventures of Tintin: Why did the animation look so “real but not”? Because 2011 was the year we almost escaped the uncanny valley, but Tintin’s eyes still saw into our souls.
32. Maroon 5 – “Moves Like Jagger”: Why was Grandpa trying to whistle? Because Adam Levine told him he had the moves, and Grandpa took that as a personal challenge.
33. The First “Black Friday” Madness Videos: Why were we watching YouTube at the table? To see the 2011 footage of people fighting over a $199 plasma TV like it was a gladiator arena.
34. Puss in Boots: Why was the cat wearing tiny leather footwear? Because Shrek’s sidekick got his own movie, and we all realized that “puppy dog eyes” work even better when a cat does them.
35. The Final 2011 Vibe: Why was everyone “Siri-ously” happy? Because we survived the end of Harry Potter, we had dragons on our PCs, and we were ready to see if the world would actually end in 2012.