32 Christmas Jokes: The 2009 “Avatar & The Hangover” Edition

In 2009, Christmas was a 3D spectacle. We were all wearing plastic glasses at the cinema, “tweeting” about the Kanye/Taylor incident, and wondering if we could survive the “2012” apocalypse a few years early.

The 2009 Top 10: The “Blue Aliens & Vegas Headaches”

1. Avatar: Why was the Christmas tree glowing blue? Because James Cameron convinced us that 3D was the future and that every living being should be connected by their hair to a spiritual tree.
2. The Hangover: Why did Uncle Mike wake up in the bathtub on Christmas morning? He wasn’t drunk; he was just reenacting the movie and checking to see if there was a tiger in the garage.
3. Kanye vs. Taylor: Why did Dad interrupt the gift opening? Because he saw Mom opening a sweater and shouted, “Yo, Mom, I’m really happy for you, I’mma let you finish, but Grandma had one of the best sweaters of all time!”
4. Minecraft (Alpha): Why was the nephew staring at a pixelated dirt block? Because a guy named Notch released a game that proved you don’t need “graphics” if you have “infinite rocks to dig.”
5. FarmVille: Why did the holiday dinner get cold? Because everyone was busy “harvesting” virtual strawberries on Facebook so their digital cows wouldn’t get sad.
6. The Death of Michael Jackson: Why was the holiday playlist so somber? Because the King of Pop went to the great Neverland in the sky, and we spent the whole year trying to perfect the “Moonwalk” in our socks.
7. Up (Pixar): Why was there a bunch of balloons tied to the mailbox? Because the first ten minutes of the movie destroyed everyone’s emotions, and we all wanted to fly our houses to South America to escape the relatives.
8. The Blackberry Curve: Why was everyone’s thumb sore? Because 2009 was the peak of “BBMing” (Blackberry Messenger) and clicking that tiny trackball until it got stuck with cookie crumbs.
9. Lady Gaga – “Bad Romance”: Why was the niece wearing a dress made of leftover gift wrap? Because “Mother Monster” made being “Ra-ra-ah-ah-ah” the only acceptable way to dress for a party.
10. The 2012 Movie: Why was the basement full of canned ham? Because John Cusack convinced us that the Mayan calendar was ending and the world was going to melt into the ocean by Tuesday.

The Full 2009 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. The Twilight Saga: New Moon: Why was there a shirtless guy in the snow? Because Team Jacob was winning, and apparently, werewolves don’t believe in wearing coats in December.
12. Slumdog Millionaire (Oscars): Why did everyone answer the door like they were on a game show? Because we all believed that our destiny was just one “Final Answer” away.
13. Uncharted 2: Why was the son hanging off the edge of the sofa? Because he was playing the “train level” and realized that real life is much less exciting than being Nathan Drake.
14. The “I’m on a Boat” SNL Short: Why was Dad wearing a nautical hat in the bathtub? Because T-Pain and Andy Samberg made “nautical pride” the funniest thing of the year.
15. Angry Birds: Why was everyone flicking their fingers at the screen? Because a Finnish company convinced us that birds hating green pigs was the pinnacle of mobile entertainment.
16. Parks and Recreation: Why was the dinner so organized? Because Leslie Knope inspired us to create a 400-page binder for “Holiday Enjoyment Protocols.”
17. Black Eyed Peas – “I Gotta Feeling”: Why was the song playing at every single event? Because it was legally mandated to play “Tonight’s gonna be a good night” at least four times per hour.
18. The Wii Sports Resort: Why was everyone wearing “MotionPlus” dongles? Because we needed even more precision to lose at virtual table tennis.
19. The King’s Speech (Hype): Why was Grandpa talking so slowly? He wasn’t struggling; he was just practicing his “Royal Oratory” for the toast.
20. District 9: Why was the “prawn” cocktail so controversial? Because the movie made us feel really guilty about how we treat visitors from other planets.
21. Glee: Why was the high school cousin so theatrical? Because the show premiered and suddenly every “loser” was part of a highly-choreographed mashup.
22. The “Susan Boyle” Moment: Why was everyone crying at the laptop? Because a lady from Scotland proved that you should never judge a book by its cover, especially if that book can sing I Dreamed a Dream.
23. Star Trek (Reboot): Why did the holiday feel “logical”? Because Chris Pine made Spock look cool, and Dad finally felt vindicated for his “ears” collection.
24. Modern Family: Why did we feel so normal? Because the show premiered and we realized that having a “weird” family was actually the most common thing in America.
25. Jersey Shore: Why was the house smelling like self-tanner and hairspray? Because “GTL” (Gym, Tan, Laundry) became the official pre-Christmas routine for the cousins.
26. The Beatles: Rock Band: Why was the whole family in the “Yellow Submarine”? Because we finally got to play drums for Ringo without leaving the living room.
27. Inglourious Basterds: Why was the “Gorlami” joke so popular? Because Brad Pitt’s Italian accent was the only thing funnier than the “Bear Jew” at the dinner table.
28. Windows 7: Why was the computer actually working? Because “Windows 7 was my idea” (according to the commercials), and it finally fixed the disaster that was Vista.
29. The “Balloon Boy” Hoax: Why was everyone staring at the sky? Because we spent a whole afternoon worried about a kid in a foil balloon, only to find out he was in the attic the whole time.
30. The Proposal: Why did Mom want to move to Alaska? Because Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds made “fake marriages” and Betty White dances look like a great holiday plan.
31. Justin Bieber’s “One Time”: Why were the pre-teens screaming? Because a kid with a “swoosh” haircut appeared on YouTube and the world was never the same again.
32. The Final 2009 Vibe: Why was everyone looking at the “Clouds”? Because we were told our data was going there, and we were entering a new decade where everything would be digital, social, and “Avatar” blue.