36 Christmas Jokes: The 2018 “Infinity War & Flossing” Edition

In 2018, Christmas was a bit “dusty.” We were all mourning our favorite heroes, trying to survive a 24-hour period without making a sound, and wondering if we could actually pull off a neon-colored “Black Panther” suit for the family photo.

The 2018 Top 10: “The Snap & Battle Bus”

1. Avengers: Infinity War: Why was the 2018 gift exchange so disappointing? Because Thanos snapped his fingers and half of the presents turned into dust before anyone could even read the tags.
2. Fortnite Mania: Why was the Christmas tree shaking? It wasn’t the wind; it was just the kids doing the “Orange Justice” and “The Floss” so hard that the ornaments were falling off in rhythm.
3. A Star Is Born: Why was Mom screaming in the driveway? She wasn’t locked out; she was just trying to hit the “Haaaa-ah-ah-ah, haaa-ah-ak-ah” note from Shallow before coming inside.
4. Black Panther: Why was everyone crossing their arms over their chests? Because “Wakanda Forever” became the official greeting for every relative entering the house.
5. Bird Box: Why was the whole family wearing blindfolds during dinner? Because Sandra Bullock convinced them that if they looked at the fruitcake, something terrible would happen to their sanity.
6. The Royal Wedding (Harry & Meghan): Why was the tea so “American”? Because the second Royal Wedding of the decade happened, and everyone was obsessed with the fact that a Hollywood star was now a Duchess.
7. A Quiet Place: Why was the holiday dinner so silent? Because the movie taught us that if you make a sound while chewing your carrots, a giant alien will crash through the ceiling and ruin the appetizer.
8. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse: Why were there six different Santas in the living room? Because the “multiverse” opened up, and now every version of the family has their own Peter Parker.
9. The Tide Pod Challenge: Why did the laundry room have a “Do Not Eat” sign? Because 2018 was the year the internet had to remind teenagers that detergent is for clothes, not for snacks.
10. Bohemian Rhapsody: Why was the house full of “Galileos”? Because the Queen biopic came out, and now Dad thinks he has the range of Freddie Mercury (he does not).

The Full 2018 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. Yanny vs. Laurel: Why did the family fight last all day? Because half the table heard “Yanny” and the other half heard “Laurel,” and nobody actually heard the question “Who wants more gravy?”
12. The “In My Feelings” Challenge: Why was the car moving slowly down the street with the door open? Because the niece was jumping out to ask “Kiki, do you love me?” while the rest of the family just wanted to get to the mall.
13. Red Dead Redemption 2: Why was the son calling everyone “Boah”? Because he spent 100 hours as Arthur Morgan and now he thinks the family dog is a legendary horse that needs brushing.
14. Crazy Rich Asians: Why was the wedding talk so expensive? Because the movie made us all feel like our “fancy” holiday party was actually just a budget picnic in a parking lot.
15. The IHOb Flip: Why were we having burgers for breakfast? Because the International House of Pancakes briefly changed their name to the International House of Burgers, and we all lost our minds for exactly 48 hours.
16. Venom: Why was the nephew talking to himself? Because he watched Tom Hardy and now he’s convinced there’s a sarcastic alien symbiote living inside him that only wants to eat “tater tots and brains.”
17. Ariana Grande – “thank u, next”: Why was the breakup talk so polite? Because Ariana taught us to be grateful for our exes, even if we are “so moving on” to the dessert course.
18. The “Moth” Meme: Why was the cousin staring at the Christmas lights so intensely? Because he saw the “Moth and Lamp” meme and now he just wants to get close to the “LÄMP.”
19. To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before: Why was everyone drinking Yakult? Because Noah Centineo made “fake dating” and Korean yogurt drinks the most romantic thing of 2018.
20. The FIFA World Cup (Russia): Why were the kids “flopping” on the carpet? Because they were practicing their best professional soccer player “injury” moves to get out of doing the dishes.
21. Mary Poppins Returns: Why was the umbrella so “practically perfect”? Because Emily Blunt returned to remind us that a spoonful of sugar still helps the holiday stress go down.
22. The Grinch (Cumberbatch Version): Why was the Grinch so… nice? Because the 2018 remake made him “misunderstood” instead of “evil,” which is exactly how Dad describes himself after a long day.
23. Cardi B – “I Like It”: Why was the playlist so spicy? Because Cardi B was “stunting” everywhere, and “I like it like that” became the answer to “Do you want more stuffing?”
24. The “Is This a Pigeon?” Meme: Why was the uncle pointing at a butterfly and calling it a turkey? Because 2018 was the year we used a 90s anime screenshot to express our total confusion about everything.
25. The Meg: Why was everyone afraid of the swimming pool? Because Jason Statham fought a 75-foot shark, and now we’re pretty sure there’s one hiding in the shallow end.
26. Elon Musk’s Space Tesla: Why was there a car in orbit? Because Elon launched his Roadster into space, proving that even billionaires get bored during the holidays.
27. Queer Eye (Reboot): Why was the house so “fabulous”? Because the Fab Five arrived on Netflix and suddenly everyone was talking about “French tucks” and “avocado toast.”
28. Halloween (Reboot): Why was Michael Myers back again? Because Jamie Lee Curtis proved that you can’t keep a good Final Girl down, even 40 years later.
29. The “Bongo Cat” Meme: Why was the cat hitting the table? Because a cute animation convinced us that everything in life sounds better with a pair of tiny drums.
30. Aquaman: Why was the holiday so “wet”? Because Jason Momoa spent the whole movie shirtless underwater, and Mom didn’t look away from the screen for even a second.
31. The “Grape Surgery” Video: Why was the nephew so impressed? Because “They did surgery on a grape,” and if a fruit can get a medical procedure, he should definitely get an extension on his homework.
32. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: Why was everyone “Here”? Because the game featured every character in history, and the living room became a 12-hour battle for Nintendo supremacy.
33. The Facebook Privacy Scandals: Why was the computer unplugged? Because 2018 was the year we realized that Mark Zuckerberg might know more about our holiday plans than we do.
34. Childish Gambino – “This Is America”: Why was the conversation so deep? Because the music video made us all stop dancing for a second to actually think about what was going on.
35. The “Surprised Pikachu” Meme: Why was the son shocked? Because he didn’t study for his finals, failed, and then made the exact face of the yellow electric rat.
36. The Final 2018 Vibe: Why was everyone so “Balanced”? Because as Thanos said, everything should be in perfect harmony—until we see the credit card statement in January.