31 Christmas Jokes: The 2007 “iPhone & Deathly Hallows” Edition

In 2007, Christmas felt like the true start of the modern world. We were tossing our physical keyboards aside for glass screens, crying over the end of an era in literature, and wondering if a giant yellow robot could actually be our best friend.

The 2007 Top 10: The “Jesus Phone & Final Chapters”

1. The First iPhone: Why was the tech-cousin crying on Christmas morning? Because he got the “Jesus Phone” and realized he could finally browse the full internet while sitting on the toilet, just as the prophets foretold.
2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Why was the house so quiet in July… and still quiet by Christmas? Because everyone was busy reading the final book and trying to process the fact that they’d have to find a new personality now that the series was over.
3. Transformers: Why was Dad suspicious of the toaster? Because Michael Bay convinced him that any household appliance could suddenly grow legs, start exploding, and demand to be called “Megatron.”
4. Rihanna – “Umbrella”: Why did the kids refuse to come inside from the snow? Because they wanted to stand under their “ella-ella-eh-eh” and pretend they were in the most-played music video of the decade.
5. The Halo 3 Launch: Why did the teenagers skip Christmas dinner? Because they were “Finishing the Fight” on Xbox Live and didn’t have time for mashed potatoes when the fate of the galaxy was at stake.
6. Ratatouille: Why was there a rat in the kitchen? No, wait—it was just the youngest son trying to control Dad’s cooking by pulling on his hair from under a chef’s hat.
7. The Nintendo Wii (Still): Why was the 2007 Christmas dinner served in the ER? Because the “Wii-mote through the TV” epidemic of 2006 had evolved into “Wii-elbow” and “Wii-shoulder” injuries for the whole family.
8. Mad Men: Why was Uncle Don wearing a suit and drinking an Old Fashioned at 10 AM? Because the show premiered and suddenly every middle-aged man thought “creative marketing” was an excuse for a mid-day nap.
9. The Simpsons Movie: Why was the dog’s name changed to “Spider-Pig”? Because Homer Simpson provided the only song that mattered in 2007, and the dog didn’t have a choice in the matter.
10. Bee Movie: Why was the holiday conversation so “buzzy”? Because Jerry Seinfeld convinced us that a romance between a human and a bee was a perfectly normal plot for a blockbuster movie.

The Full 2007 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. Superbad: Why was the fake ID the most popular stocking stuffer? Because everyone wanted to be “McLovin,” even if they were only 12 years old and buying a liter of root beer.
12. Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Why was the living room so dramatic? Because the show premiered in 2007, and suddenly the sisters were practicing their “vocal fry” and taking selfies before “selfies” were even a word.
13. Juno: Why was there a hamburger phone under the tree? Because Ellen Page made being “quirky” and having a “positive” situation the coolest aesthetic of the year.
14. Crank That (Soulja Boy): Why was the family dance-off so confusing? Because Grandpa was trying to “superman that ho” and ended up just throwing out his lower back.
15. Rock Band: Why was the house louder than a stadium? Because Rock Band came out, and now the family didn’t just have a plastic guitar—they had a plastic drum kit and a microphone for Mom to scream “Sway” into.
16. No Country for Old Men: Why was the coin toss so terrifying? Because Anton Chigurh made “Heads or Tails” the most stressful way to decide who had to do the holiday dishes.
17. The “Leave Britney Alone” Video: Why was the internet so protective? Because Chris Crocker gave us the first truly viral emotional breakdown, reminding us that being a celebrity in 2007 was a full-time tragedy.
18. Portal (The Game): Why was the dessert a disappointment? Because after playing the game, the kids kept shouting “The cake is a lie!” every time Mom brought out the fruitcake.
19. Enchanted: Why was Amy Adams in the garden? Because Disney taught us that a 2D princess can survive in New York City as long as she can sing to the pigeons and cockroaches.
20. Britney’s 2007: Why was the holiday vibe a little worried? Because between the umbrella incident and the VMAs, we all just wanted to give Britney a hug and a nap for Christmas.
21. The Kindle (1st Gen): Why was the “book” so ugly? Because the first Kindle looked like a calculator from a 70s sci-fi movie, but it could hold 200 books (which was 199 more than anyone planned to read).
22. Kanye West – “Stronger”: Why was everyone wearing shutter shades? Because Kanye made it impossible to see through your glasses, but very easy to feel “harder, better, faster, stronger.”
23. 300: Why was the hallway a “battlezone”? Because every time a kid entered the room, they kicked the door open and shouted “THIS IS SPARTA!” before asking for more juice.
24. The Big Bang Theory: Why was the nerd-cousin so emboldened? Because the show premiered and he finally felt that his “Bazinga” lifestyle was being represented on prime-time TV.
25. I Am Legend: Why was the dog getting extra treats? Because after watching Will Smith, we all realized that our pets are the only things keeping us sane in a post-apocalyptic (or just post-holiday) world.
26. Amy Winehouse – “Back to Black”: Why was the soul music so dark? Because Amy swept the world with her beehive and her blues, making “Rehab” the most ironic sing-along at the office party.
27. Assassin’s Creed: Why was the nephew climbing the curtains? Because the first game came out and he was convinced he could perform a “Leap of Faith” into a pile of discarded wrapping paper.
28. National Treasure 2: Why was Nicolas Cage back? Because he had to kidnap the President to find the “Book of Secrets,” which Dad assumed was just the manual for the new universal remote.
29. The Spice Girls Reunion: Why was the “zig-a-zig-ah” back? Because the girls reunited for a tour, and every Mom in the world pulled her platform sneakers out of retirement for one last dance.
30. Flava Flav’s “Flavor of Love”: Why was the clock necklace so big? Because reality TV had reached its peak of absurdity, and we were all just “waiting for the clock” to strike midnight.
31. The Final 2007 Vibe: Why was the future so “touchy”? Because with the iPhone in our pockets, we realized that from now on, Christmas would be recorded, filtered, and uploaded before the first gift was even unwrapped.