31 Christmas Jokes: The 2020 “Quarantine & Tiger King” Edition

In 2020, Christmas was “unprecedented.” We were all wearing pajamas 24/7, sanitizing our groceries, and wondering if the neighbor was a “Creeper” or just an “Impostor.” It was the year of the social-distanced holiday and the rise of the digital hermit.

The 2020 Top 10: “Zoom Calls & Murder Hornets”

Zoom Christmas: Why was the holiday dinner so pixelated? Because the whole family “gathered” on a laptop screen, and Grandpa spent the entire blessing trying to figure out how to turn off the “potato” filter.
Tiger King: Why was the guest of honor wearing a sequined shirt and a mullet? Because 2020 started with Joe Exotic, and we spent the first three months of lockdown convinced that Carole Baskin definitely did it.
Among Us: Why was the gift exchange so suspicious? Because everyone was acting “Sus,” and we ended up “ejecting” Uncle Larry from the living room because he looked like an Impostor.
Sourdough Obsession: Why was there a weird jar of goo on the counter? It wasn’t a science project; it was Mom’s “Sourdough Starter,” and she treated it with more care than the actual Christmas ham.
The PS5 & Xbox Series X Launch: Why was the basement empty? Because the new consoles came out, but nobody could find one unless they were willing to trade their firstborn child to a “bot” on Twitter.
Murder Hornets: Why was everyone afraid of the garden? Because 2020 decided that a global pandemic wasn’t enough, so it added giant “Murder Hornets” to the plot just for some extra spice.
Toilet Paper Shortage: Why was the most valuable gift a 12-pack of Charmin? Because in 2020, “TP” became the new gold standard, and a full pantry was the ultimate status symbol.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons: Why did the kids stop opening real presents? Because they were too busy paying off their virtual mortgage to a capitalist tanuki named Tom Nook on a tropical island.
The Queen’s Gambit: Why did everyone get a chess set? Because Anya Taylor-Joy made “staring at the ceiling while moving imaginary pieces” the coolest hobby of the winter.
The Monolith Mystery: Why was there a shiny metal pillar in the backyard? Because 2010 had aliens, but 2020 had “random metal poles” appearing in Utah and Romania just to confuse us.

The Full 2020 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

Tenet: Why was the movie so confusing? Because Christopher Nolan made a film where the characters moved backward in time, and we still don’t know if the holiday actually happened or if it was just “inverted.”
The “WAP” Dance: Why was the niece doing a split on the kitchen floor? Because Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion released an anthem that made every TikTok user forget how to walk normally.
Schitt’s Creek (Emmys): Why was the holiday so “fold in the cheese”? Because the Rose family swept the awards, and we all realized that “Ew, David” is a valid reaction to fruitcake.
The “Ocean Spray” Skateboarder: Why was Dad drinking cranberry juice while on a longboard? Because he wanted to be “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac levels of chill during the apocalypse.
Hamilton on Disney+: Why was the 4th of July in December? Because the musical finally hit streaming, and we spent the rest of the year singing about “The Room Where It Happens.”
The Monoliths: Why did we stop caring about the metal pillars? Because by the time the third one appeared, we realized it was probably just an art project or a very slow marketing campaign.
Cobra Kai: Why was Dad doing karate in the garage? Because The Karate Kid sequel moved to Netflix and he realized that “Strike First” is a great philosophy for getting the last piece of pie.
The “Is It Cake?” Trend: Why was Dad stabbing the TV remote with a knife? Because 2020 taught us that everything—from a shoe to a succulent—might actually be a hyper-realistic vanilla sponge cake.
Folklore & Evermore: Why was the vibe so “cottagecore”? Because Taylor Swift went into the woods and came back with two albums that made us all want to wear oversized cardigans and cry near a stream.
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Why was the holiday “Wa wa wee wa!”? Because Sacha Baron Cohen returned to save the year with a suit that was mostly made of face masks.
The “Dolly Parton” Savior: Why was the vaccine the best gift? Because Dolly Parton partially funded it, proving that she is the only person capable of saving both country music and the human race.
Enola Holmes: Why was the detective so young? Because Millie Bobby Brown proved that Sherlock has a sister, and she’s much better at breaking the fourth wall.
The “Nature is Healing” Meme: Why was there a dolphin in the bathtub? Because the internet convinced us that since humans were inside, the animals were reclaiming the earth (they weren’t).
Parasite (Best Picture): Why was the Oscar win so historic? Because it was the last “normal” thing that happened before the world turned into a disaster movie in March.
The Mandalorian Season 2: Why was everyone screaming? Because a certain Jedi with a green lightsaber showed up to take Baby Yoda to school, and we all cried like toddlers.
Blinding Lights: Why was the weekend so long? Because The Weeknd’s song stayed at #1 for so long that we forgot what other music sounded like.
The “Everything is Fine” Meme: Why was the cartoon dog sitting in a room full of fire? Because that was the official 2020 mood, and we all just kept drinking our coffee.
Cyberpunk 2077 Launch: Why was the game so “glitchy”? Because it was supposed to be the future, but it played like a haunted toaster on a PS4.
The “Fly on Pence’s Head” Moment: Why was the debate so “buzzy”? Because for two minutes, a single insect was the most famous political commentator in America.
Wonder Woman 1984: Why was the sequel so “colorful”? Because it went straight to HBO Max, and we all realized that “wishing for things” has some very complicated side effects.
The Final 2020 Vibe: Why was everyone so “Muted”? Because we reached the end of the longest year in history, and we were just happy to see the calendar turn to 2021 without a giant health bar appearing in the sky.