39 Christmas Jokes: The 2008 “Iron Man & Dark Knight” Edition

In 2008, Christmas was a clash between billionaire superheroes and a global recession. We were distractedly playing Guitar Hero World Tour while trying to figure out how to download “Apps” on our phones, and we all learned that some men just want to watch the world burn (usually while cooking the holiday turkey).

The 2008 Top 10: The “Why So Serious & Arc Reactors”

1. Iron Man: Why was Dad working in the garage all Christmas morning? He wasn’t fixing the car; he saw Robert Downey Jr. and was convinced he could build a “Mark I” suit out of a lawnmower and a toaster.
2. The Dark Knight: Why was the holiday dinner so tense? Because the teenage son wore purple face paint and kept asking everyone, “Why so serious?” every time they tried to pass the gravy.
3. The App Store Launch: Why was the tech-cousin so distracted? Because Apple launched the App Store, and he spent the whole day downloading a “Virtual Zippo Lighter” and a “Beer Drinking Simulator” instead of talking to human beings.
4. Twilight (The Movie): Why were the girls arguing at the table? Because you had to choose: Team Edward or Team Jacob. There was no middle ground, and “Team Santa” wasn’t an option.
5. Wall-E: Why was the family so lazy? Because the Pixar movie convinced us that in the future, we’d all be floating in chairs eating “cup-a-cake” while a tiny robot cleaned up our wrapping paper.
6. The Great Recession: Why was the Christmas tree smaller this year? Because the “Lehman Brothers” weren’t invited, and the only “bubble” left was the one in the cheap sparkling cider.
7. Obama’s “Hope”: Why was there a blue and red poster in the kitchen? Because “Yes We Can” became the official response to “Can you please help with the dishes?”
8. The MacBook Air (The Envelope): Why was Grandma confused by the gift? Because Steve Jobs pulled a laptop out of a manila envelope, and she thought it was just a very expensive piece of stationery.
9. Britney’s Comeback: Why was the holiday music so “Circus”-themed? Because Britney Spears was back, and “Womanizer” was the only song that could drown out the sound of the political debates at the table.
10. Indiana Jones 4: Why was there a refrigerator in the backyard? Because Dad saw Indy survive a nuclear blast in a fridge and decided it was a better “storm shelter” than the basement.

The Full 2008 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. Gossip Girl: Why was everyone whispering “XOXO”? Because the show made us all feel like we were elite Manhattanites, even if we were just eating ham in Ohio.
12. Katy Perry – “I Kissed a Girl”: Why was the radio so controversial? Because Katy Perry “kissed a girl and liked it,” and your aunt spent the whole dinner explaining why “it’s just a phase” for the music industry.
13. Kung Fu Panda: Why was the nephew doing karate in the kitchen? Because Jack Black convinced him that being “The Dragon Warrior” was a valid excuse for stealing all the dumplings.
14. The “Single Ladies” Dance: Why was Mom waving her left hand around? Because Beyoncé gave her an anthem, and if Dad didn’t “put a ring on it” (again), there was going to be trouble.
15. Step Brothers: Why was there so much yelling in the basement? Because “did we just become best friends?” became the only way for the grown-up brothers to communicate.
16. Mario Kart Wii: Why was the living room a demolition derby? Because 2008 was the year of the “Wii Wheel,” and everyone thought they were a pro driver until they hit a blue shell.
17. Tropic Thunder: Why was Uncle Jim acting so “method”? Because he saw the movie and now believes that being a “dude playing a dude disguised as another dude” is his true calling.
18. The “Rickroll” Peak: Why did the home movie suddenly cut to Rick Astley? Because 2008 was the year of the ultimate prank, and no YouTube link was safe.
19. Sex and the City (The Movie): Why were the ladies wearing giant flower pins? Because Carrie Bradshaw finally hit the big screen, and suddenly a “Cosmo” was the only acceptable holiday beverage.
20. Spore (The Game): Why was the son designing a creature with six eyes and three legs? Because he was “evolving” his own species instead of evolving his social skills at the dinner table.
21. Lady Gaga’s Debut: Why was the niece wearing disco ball glasses? Because The Fame dropped, and “Just Dance” became the official instruction for anyone trying to navigate the crowded living room.
22. The “Man on Wire” Documentary: Why was the cousin walking on the backyard fence? Because he saw the movie and was convinced he was the “High-Wire King” of the suburbs.
23. Mamma Mia! (The Movie): Why were the parents singing ABBA? Because Meryl Streep made it cool to have a mid-life crisis on a Greek island while wearing overalls.
24. Cloverfield: Why was the footage of the tree opening so shaky? Because the “found footage” trend made everyone think that a Christmas morning video should look like a monster attack.
25. The Nintendo DSi: Why were the kids taking photos of their own tongues? Because the new DS had a camera, and “warping” your face was the peak of 2008 entertainment.
26. Slumdog Millionaire: Why was the trivia game so intense? Because everyone wanted to prove that their life experiences had prepared them to win a million dollars.
27. Bolt: Why was the dog barking at the TV? Because he thought he had superpowers like the Disney dog, but he couldn’t even catch a piece of fallen turkey.
28. Kanye’s “808s & Heartbreak”: Why was the mood so “auto-tuned”? Because Kanye was sad, and now everyone wanted to sing their holiday grievances through a robotic filter.
29. Pineapple Express: Why was the “herbal” smell coming from the garage? Because Seth Rogen made “hanging out” look like a high-octane action movie.
30. The Beijing Olympics: Why was everyone trying to hold their breath underwater? Because Michael Phelps won eight gold medals, and we all thought we were “half-fish” for a week in August.
31. Vampire Weeknd (Band): Why was the music so “preppy”? Because the indie kids were wearing boat shoes and singing about Oxford commas.
32. Taken: Why did Dad answer the phone so strangely? Because Liam Neeson taught him that he has a “very particular set of skills” (which mostly involve finding the remote).
33. The “Snuggie” Craze: Why did everyone look like they were in a cult? Because the “blanket with sleeves” arrived, and suddenly we were all too lazy to even move our arms.
34. Madagascar 2: Why were the kids yelling “I like to move it, move it” again? Because the sequels never stop, and neither does the earworm.
35. The Incredible Hulk: Why was the other cousin so angry? Because Edward Norton was the Hulk this year, but we all knew he was going to be replaced by Mark Ruffalo eventually.
36. Fallout 3: Why did the son think the world was ending? Because he spent 40 hours in the “Wasteland” and now thinks the Christmas ham is actually “Rad-roach meat.”
37. High School Musical 3: Why were they in a movie theater? Because the franchise got too big for TV, and Troy and Gabriella had to say goodbye on the big screen.
38. The Big Bang Theory (Season 2): Why was “Bazinga” becoming a household word? Because the nerds were officially winning the rating wars.
39. The Final 2008 Vibe: Why was everyone so “Hopeful”? Because the year was ending, a new era was beginning, and we finally figured out how to use the touch-screen on our phones without clicking.