38 Christmas Jokes: The 2014 “Ice Buckets & Star-Lords” Edition

In 2014, Christmas was “Awesome” (Volume 1). We were all wearing “activewear” everywhere, trying to solve a crime via a podcast called Serial, and wondering why our iPhones suddenly had a permanent U2 soundtrack.

The 2014 Top 10: “Cold Buckets & Unwanted Playlists”

1. The Ice Bucket Challenge: Why was the 2014 Christmas video so cold? Because instead of opening gifts, everyone was dumping freezing water on their heads and nominating Santa to do the same.
2. The U2 iPhone Incident: Why was Dad yelling at his new phone? Because Apple put a free U2 album on every iPhone, and he spent the whole morning trying to figure out how Bono got into his digital stocking without an invite.
3. Guardians of the Galaxy: Why was the tree talking back? Because “I am Groot” became the only acceptable response to every question asked at the dinner table.
4. Kim Kardashian “Breaks the Internet”: Why was the Wi-Fi so slow? Because Kim Posed for Paper magazine and the internet literally buckled under the weight of the “champagne glass” photo.
5. The LEGO Movie: Why was everything so “Awesome”? Because the movie convinced us that even if the holiday is a disaster, as long as we have a catchy song and some plastic blocks, everything is fine.
6. Serial (The Podcast): Why was the holiday dinner so quiet? Because everyone had their headphones in, trying to figure out if Adnan actually did it or if the Best Buy payphone even existed.
7. Pharrell’s “Happy”: Why was the song playing in every store? Because it was the most-played track of the year, and if you weren’t “clapping along,” you were basically a Grinch.
8. Maleficent: Why was the “Evil Queen” so popular? Because Angelina Jolie made being a misunderstood fairy cooler than being a princess, especially if you had cheekbones that could cut the ham.
9. The Flappy Bird Tragedy: Why was the son crying over a deleted app? Because the creator took Flappy Bird off the store, and now a phone with the game installed was worth more than the family car.
10. Frozen (The Never-Ending): Why was it still 2013? Because Elsa refused to leave, and “Let It Go” was still the #1 cause of holiday-related headaches for parents.

The Full 2014 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. Interstellar: Why was the movie so long? Because Matthew McConaughey spent 20 years behind a bookshelf just to tell us that “Love is the one thing that transcends time and space”—and that dinner is ready.
12. The “But That’s None of My Business” Meme: Why was the frog drinking tea? Because 2014 was the year Kermit became the king of holiday shade.
13. Taylor Swift – “1989”: Why did everyone want a Polaroid camera? Because Taylor went full pop, shook it off, and made 1989 look like the coolest year since… well, 2014.
14. The Ebola Scare: Why were the hand sanitizer gifts so popular? Because 2014 gave us a brief moment of global panic that made a bottle of Purell look like liquid gold.
15. Big Hero 6: Why was the cousin acting like a giant marshmallow? Because Baymax taught us that a “low battery” and a “fist bump” (balalala) are the keys to a perfect holiday.
16. Tinder (Peak Growth): Why was the single uncle “swiping” so fast? Because he was trying to find a “Christmas Miracle” before the main course was served.
17. The GoPro Craze: Why was there a camera attached to the turkey? Because 2014 was the year we had to see every “extreme” angle of the holiday, even the inside of the oven.
18. Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass”: Why was there no treble in the house? Because the radio told us it was all about that bass, and Grandma took it as an instruction to turn up the subwoofer.
19. The Sony Hack: Why was the movie “The Interview” so hard to find? Because a foreign government got mad at Seth Rogen, and suddenly watching a comedy felt like a covert ops mission.
20. The “Alex from Target” Phenomenon: Why was everyone looking for a specific cashier? Because 2014 proved that if you are a handsome teenager working at a retail store, the internet will find you.
21. Godzilla (Reboot): Why was the monster so shy? Because he only showed up for 10 minutes of the movie, which is exactly how long the kids stayed at the dinner table.
22. The iPad Air 2: Why was the gift so thin? Because Apple made a tablet so skinny it could be used to slice the holiday cheese platter.
23. Birdman: Why was the camera following everyone in one shot? Because the movie made every Dad think he was a cinematic genius while filming the gift opening.
24. John Wick: Why was everyone so respectful to the dog? Because Keanu Reeves showed us what happens when you mess with a man’s puppy.
25. The “Twitch Plays Pokémon” Event: Why were 100,000 people trying to move one character? Because 2014 taught us that “anarchy” is a valid way to play a video game.
26. Malala Yousafzai: Why was the “Peace” card so meaningful? Because the youngest person ever won the Nobel Peace Prize, making us all feel a little lazy for just wanting a nap.
27. The “Hoverboard” (The Fake One): Why was everyone disappointed? Because Tony Hawk showed us a “Hendo Hoverboard,” but we still had to use our feet like peasants.
28. Iggy Azalea – “Fancy”: Why were the girls saying “I’m so fancy”? Because they were in the fast lane from L.A. to Tokyo, even if they were just in a minivan in the suburbs.
29. The Amazon Echo (Launch): Why was Dad talking to a cylinder? Because “Alexa” arrived, and he finally had someone to tell his dad jokes to who couldn’t walk away.
30. Gone Girl: Why was the couple acting so weird? Because the movie made every spouse suspicious that their partner might be framing them for a crime during the holiday break.
31. The “Shia LaBeouf” Performance Art: Why was the nephew wearing a paper bag that said “I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE”? Because Shia made “being weird” the ultimate 2014 aesthetic.
32. Destiny (The Game): Why was the son “Grinding”? Because he spent 500 hours shooting into a cave just to get a blue helmet.
33. The “Left Shark”: Why was the dancing fish so popular? Wait, that’s early 2015… but the hype started now! Everyone was ready for the Super Bowl’s most uncoordinated ocean dweller.
34. Normcore: Why was everyone dressed like a 90s tourist? Because “Normcore” made wearing cargo shorts and white sneakers the peak of fashion.
35. The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge (Part 2): Why was the laundry room so full? Because every single person in the family had three sets of wet clothes from “doing the challenge.”
36. Hozier – “Take Me to Church”: Why was the choir so moody? Because “Take Me to Church” was the only song on the radio that made us feel like we were in a dark indie drama.
37. The Rosetta Comet Landing: Why was the dishwasher so “historic”? Because if we could land a probe on a moving comet, surely we could figure out how to stack the plates correctly.
38. The Final 2014 Vibe: Why was everyone so “Selfie-aware”? Because we survived the ice, the U2 album, and the internet-breaking photos. We were ready for the next level.