35 Christmas Jokes: The 2022 “Oscar Slaps & Wordle” Edition

In 2022, Christmas was a return to “normalcy,” if you consider a billionaire buying Twitter for a joke and teenagers going to the cinema in suits to watch a Minions movie “normal.” It was the year of “Gentleminions,” the “Corn Kid,” and the massive return of Top Gun.

The 2022 Top 10: “The Slap & 5-Letter Words”

1. The Oscars Slap: Why was the holiday dinner so tense? Because after the Oscars, everyone was afraid to make a joke about Aunt Linda’s hair, fearing Uncle Mike would stand up and shout, “Keep my wife’s name out your f***ing mouth!”
2. Wordle Obsession: Why was breakfast so quiet? Because the whole family was trying to guess today’s Wordle, and Dad was mad because “XMAS” only has four letters and didn’t fit the grid.
3. Top Gun: Maverick: Why was Dad running around on the roof in aviator sunglasses? Because after 36 years, Tom Cruise proved to him that he could still be a “Maverick,” even if his only mission was installing lights without falling off the ladder.
4. Elon Musk & Twitter: Why was the tree decorated with blue birds? Because Elon bought Twitter for $44 billion, and Uncle Jim calculated that for the same price, he could have bought enough holiday ham to feed the entire country for a century.
5. The Gentleminions: Why did everyone show up to the Christmas Eve service in formal suits? Because the “Gentleminions” trend made watching a movie about yellow henchmen in a tuxedo the only way to feel elite in 2022.
6. Corn Kid: Why was there only corn on the table? Because “It’s corn! A big lump with knobs!”, and after the viral TikTok, the kids refused to eat anything that didn’t have juice and “change everything” when they tried it.
7. Queen Elizabeth II: Why was the atmosphere a bit different? Because for the first time in 70 years, a King gave the Christmas broadcast, and we were all still adjusting to the fact that The Crown on Netflix is now officially a history documentary.
8. The James Webb Telescope: Why were the holiday photos so clear? It wasn’t a new iPhone; it was just Webb Telescope technology allowing us to see the crumbs on the carpet in 4K resolution from the other side of the galaxy.
9. Wednesday (Netflix): Why was the daughter refusing to blink at the table? Because Jenna Ortega made being “gothic and macabre” a viral sensation, and dancing to “Goo Goo Muck” became a mandatory holiday activity.
10. World Cup Qatar: Why did Christmas feel like it happened in November? Because Messi finally got his trophy, and we all had to accept that the World Cup final was more important than decorating the tree.

The Full 2022 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. BeReal: Why did everyone suddenly take photos while eating soup? Because the “Time to BeReal” notification went off, and nobody wanted to be “fake,” even with a mouthful of noodles.
12. Don’t Worry Darling: Why was there so much drama at the table? Because everyone was looking for evidence of whether Harry Styles actually spit on Chris Pine (or if Uncle Mike spit on the fruitcake).
13. Stranger Things 4: Why was everyone listening to Kate Bush? Because “Running Up That Hill” became the anthem of the year, and every teen was sure that song would save them from Vecna (or Grandma’s questions about college).
14. He’s a 10 but…: Why were the girls rating the gifts on a scale of 1 to 10? “He’s a 10, but he only gave me reindeer socks for Christmas.”
15. House of the Dragon: Why did the dinner feel like a war council? Because after the Game of Thrones prequel, everyone chose a side: Greens or Blacks (usually based on who got the better slice of pie).
16. Quiet Quitting: Why were the gifts wrapped so poorly? Because the elves switched to “quiet quitting” and only did the absolute bare minimum required to survive the shift.
17. Euphoria (Season 2): Why was there so much glitter under the tree? Because Cassie and Maddy made holiday makeup look like a cross between a fashion runway and a panic attack.
18. Adam Levine’s DMs: Why was Dad so careful with his phone? Because after the “That body is absurd!” scandal, every Instagram notification looked suspicious.
19. The Pink Sauce: Why was the dipping sauce pink? Because the internet obsessed over “Pink Sauce,” even though nobody knew what was in it or if it was actually FDA-approved.
20. Elvis (Movie): Why was Uncle Dave suddenly shaking his leg? Because Austin Butler stayed in character as Elvis for so long he inspired every middle-aged man to wear pink shirts and speak with a Southern drawl.
21. The “Little Miss” Memes: Why did every gift have a weird caption? “Little Miss buys all her presents on December 24th at 4:00 PM.”
22. Bullet Train: Why was the trip to the relatives so fast? Because Brad Pitt showed us that trains are great, as long as you aren’t trying to kill each other over a briefcase of cash.
23. The “Negroni Sbagliato” Moment: What were we drinking in 2022? “A Negroni… Sbagliato… with Prosecco in it.” Emma D’Arcy made bartenders worldwide want to retire.
24. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever: Why was the mood so white and somber? Because we said goodbye to Chadwick Boseman in the most moving way, and Rihanna’s “Lift Me Up” was the only song that could compete with “Last Christmas.”
25. The Metaverse: Why was the brother wearing goggles at the table? Because Mark Zuckerberg was still trying to convince us that eating a virtual turkey is cooler than a real one (it wasn’t).
26. Harry Styles – “As It Was”: Why was everyone running in circles? Because that song played on the radio so much that everyone finally felt like they were in “Gravity, holding me back.”
27. The Great Twitter Migration: Why was everyone opening Mastodon accounts? Because Twitter was supposed to stop working at any moment, and we were all looking for a new place to complain about gifts.
28. Everything Everywhere All At Once: Why was Christmas dinner so chaotic? Because the movie proved that in another universe, we all have hot dogs for fingers and the presents are way better there.
29. Lizzo – “About Damn Time”: Why was Grandma dancing on TikTok? Because Lizzo dropped the hit of the year and suddenly everyone felt like it was “About Damn Time” for a second helping of dessert.
30. Avatar: The Way of Water: Why were we all blue again after 13 years? Because James Cameron returned to show us that water is wet and special effects cost more than the GDP of a small nation.
31. The “Uncanny Valley” AI Art: Why did the family portraits look so weird? Because instead of a photographer, we used Lensa AI and now everyone has six fingers and the face of an 80s supermodel.
32. The “Chrissy, Wake Up” Song: Why couldn’t anyone sleep on Christmas Eve? Because the Stranger Things remix was stuck in everyone’s head and we were all “not liking this.”
33. Taylor Swift – “Midnights”: Why did nobody go to sleep at midnight? Because Taylor released an album that made “Anti-Hero” the anthem for everyone who ever felt like “I’m the problem, it’s me.”
34. Tying Cherry Stems: Why was everyone trying to tie cherry stems with their tongues? Because TikTok decided this was the ultimate test of “attractiveness” in 2022.
35. The Final 2022 Vibe: Why were we so tired? Because we survived a year of slapping, wordling, and corn-kidding, but at least Messi won and we still have our BeReal.