134 Classic Punny One-Liners: The Apocalypse & Gangnam Style Edition (2012)

2012 was the year we all survived the “Mayan Apocalypse” only to spend the rest of the year doing an invisible horse dance. While PSY was teaching us “Gangnam Style,” the Avengers were busy assembling for the first time on the big screen, and Felix Baumgartner was literally dropping in from space. It was the year of the London Olympics, the landing of the Curiosity rover on Mars, and the moment we realized that “Call Me Maybe” was the stickiest song ever written. These puns are world-endingly good and optimized for a post-apocalyptic feed.

The 2012 Top 10: End-of-the-World Classics

The Mayans: I’m not worried about the Mayan calendar ending. I’m just “date”-ing my expectations for 2013.
The Gangnam Style: I tried to do the Gangnam Style dance at work, but I was told to “neigh”-vigate my way back to my desk.
The Avengers: Hulk wanted to join a pun contest, but he just “smashed” the competition.
The Call Me Maybe: I just met a pun, and this is crazy, but here’s its punchline, so groan maybe?
The Mars Curiosity: The rover found water on Mars? That’s a “fluid” situation for space exploration.
The Felix Baumgartner: I watched a man jump from space. It was a “drop”-dead gorgeous view.
The London Olympics: Why did the sprinter go to London? To get a “run” for his money.
The Skyfall: Bond is back. He’s “shaken” by the plot, but not “stirred” by the critics.
The Hunger Games: I’m reading a book about kids fighting for food. It’s a “starving” artist’s dream.
The Dark Knight Rises: Bane has a very “muffled” sense of humor. You could say his jokes are “masked.”

The Full 2012 Archive (The “Survivalist” List)

The Battery: I’m “positive” the world isn’t ending today.
The Magnet: I’m “attracted” to post-apocalyptic movies.
The Mirror: I’m “reflecting” on my life before the Mayan prophecy.
The Camera: I’m “focusing” on the 3D revolution.
The Virus: I’m “infecting” the web with Gangnam Style parodies.
The Laptop: I’m “folding” my bunker plans.
The Screen: I’m “displaying” my survival skills.
The Mouse: I’m “clicking” with the survivors.
The Keyboard: I’m “typing” my last will and testament… just in case.
The Printer: I’m “inking” a deal for a fallout shelter.
The Scanner: I’m “beaming” with joy that I’m still here.
The Website: I’m “weaving” a web of conspiracy theories.
The Link: I’m “sharing” my bunker location.
The Cursor: I’m “pointing” at the clock on December 21st.
The Password: I’m “locking” my emergency supplies.
The Folder: I’m “organizing” my canned goods.
The File: I’m “storing” my memories in a lead box.
The Desktop: I’m “surface” deep in the end-of-the-world hype.
The Wallpaper: I’m “hanging” a “Don’t Panic” sign.
The Icon: I’m a “symbol” of survival.
The Trash Can: I’m “recycling” old Mayan jokes.
The Window: I’m “browsing” for a new planet.
The Menu: I’m “selecting” my last meal.
The Scroll: I’m “rolling” through the doomsday news.
The Save: I’m “keeping” my sanity.
The Load: I’m “buffering” my reaction to the non-event.
The Font: I’m just your “bold” type of survivor.
The Space: I “need” more room in my shelter.
The Shift: I’m “changing” my mind about the Mayans.
The Control: I’m “alt-ering” my plans for 2013.
The Escape: I’m “fleeing” from the “Call Me Maybe” song.
The Home: I’m “landing” back on Earth.
The Tab: I’m “keeping” a tab on the countdown.
The Delete: I’m “erasing” my search history for “how to build a boat.”
The Number: I’m “counting” my blessings.
The Bread: I’m “rising” from the bunker.
The Butter: I’m “spreading” the good news.
The Egg: I’m “cracking” under the pressure of the horse dance.
The Cheese: I’m “grating” on your nerves with these horse puns.
The Milk: I’m “milking” the apocalypse for all it’s worth.
The Coffee: I’m “brewing” a post-world-end pot.
The Tea: I’m “spilling” the secrets of the Mayans.
The Sugar: I’m “coating” my fear in humor.
The Salt: I’m “shaking” off the doomsday dust.
The Honey: I’m “stuck” in a “Gangnam Style” loop.
The Jam: I’m “jamming” to the top hits of 2012.
The Toast: I’m the “talk” of the fallout shelter.
The Juice: I’m “concentrating” on the new year.
The Water: I’m “streaming” the Olympics in HD.
The Soda: I’m “fizzing” with relief.
The Apple: I’m “taking” a bite out of the iPhone 5.
The Banana: I’m “peeling” lucky to be alive.
The Orange: I’m “glad” the world didn’t end.
The Grape: I’m “whining” about the “horse” dance.
The Melon: I’m “one” in a billion survivors.
The Peach: I’m “just” feeling fuzzy about the future.
The Pear: We’re a “fruitful” pair of survivors.
The Plum: I’ve got a “juicy” gossip about the rover.
The Cherry: I’m the “top” of the food chain (still).
The Lemon: I hope 2013 isn’t a “lemon.”
The Lime: I’m in the “limelight” of the new era.
The Berry: I’m “berry” much ready for a vacation.
The Nut: I’m “cracking” the apocalypse code.
The Bean: I’ve “been” here since the beginning of time.
The Corn: This pun is “shucking” cosmic.
The Potato: I’m a “couch” potato watching the Curiosity feed.
The Tomato: I’m “ketching” up with the Martians.
The Carrot: I’m “rooting” for the human race.
The Onion: I’m “peeling” back the layers of the prophecy.
The Garlic: I’m “breath-taking” (literally, I haven’t showered in the bunker).
The Mushroom: I’m a “fun-gi” to have at an apocalypse party.
The Tree: I’m “branching” out into survivalism.
The Leaf: I’m “turning” over a new Mayan leaf.
The Flower: I’m “blooming” after the storm.
The Bee: I’m “buzzing” about the rover landing.
The Ant: I’m “working” on my fallout shelter.
The Spider: I’m “weaving” a new destiny.
The Fish: I’m “hooked” on the Olympic swimming.
The Bird: I’m “tweeting” from the abyss.
The Cat: I’m “purr-fectly” safe.
The Dog: I’m “barking” at the Mayan gods.
The Horse: I’m “stable” enough to do the dance.
The Cow: I’m “moo-ving” to a safer location.
The Pig: I’m “hogging” the emergency rations.
The Sheep: I’m “following” the crowd to the bunker.
The Duck: I’m “quacking” up at the doomsday preppers.
The Bear: I can’t “bear” another “Call Me Maybe” parody.
The Lion: I’m “pride-ful” of my survival gear.
The Tiger: I’m “earning” my stripes as a survivor.
The Elephant: I’ll “never” forget the year that didn’t end.
The Monkey: I’m “swinging” by the post-apocalyptic party.
The Snake: I’m “hiss-terical” with relief.
The Turtle: I’m “slowly” coming out of my shell.
The Frog: I’m “leaping” into 2013.
The Sun: I’m “shining” on a new world.
The Moon: I’m “phasing” out my fear.
The Star: I’m “twinkling” in the dark night.
The Cloud: I’m “storing” my bunker photos in the cloud.
The Rain: I’m “pouring” a drink for the survivors.
The Snow: I’m “chilled” out after the crisis.
The Wind: I’m “blown” away by the Curiosity photos.
The Fire: I’m “on fire” with these puns.
The Water: I’m “treading” the post-Mayan waves.
The Earth: I’m “grounded” in the fact that we’re still here.
The Air: I’m “broadcasting” from the surface.
The Metal: I’m “hardened” by the experience.
The Wood: I’m “pining” for a normal calendar.
The Glass: I’m “transparent” about my relief.
The Plastic: I’m “flexible” with my doomsday theories.
The Paper: I’m “writing” the new rules.
The Stone: I’m “rocking” the post-world-end look.
The Sand: I’m “shore” we’re safe now.
The Dust: I’m “settling” into a new routine.
The Smoke: I’m “vanishing” back into society.
The Mirror: I’m “seeing” a bright future.
The Shadow: I’m “lurking” on the internet.
The Echo: I’m “repeating” the relief.
The Silence: I’m “muted” by the beauty of Mars.
The Light: I’m “brightening” up the thread.
The Dark: I’m “dimming” the lights for a movie marathon.
The Sound: I’m “vibrating” with excitement.
The Peace: I’m “soaring” through the galaxy.
The Clock: I’m “ticking” off the seconds of 2012.
The End: I’m “logging” off—catch you in the non-apocalyptic 2013!