115 Classic Punny One-Liners: The Instagram & iPad Edition (2010)

The 2010 Top 10: Tablet & Filter Classics

1. The Instagram: I tried to tell a joke on Instagram, but it was too “square” for my followers.
2. The iPad: I bought an iPad because I wanted a “tab” on the future, but now I’m just “touchy” about the screen.
3. The Inception: I had a dream that I was a pun. It was a “joke” within a “joke” within a “groaner.”
4. The Toy Story 3: I cried during the movie. It was a “moving” experience, but I’m still “pining” for my old Woody.
5. The Despicable Me: I’m a big fan of Gru. He’s a “minion” reasons why I love this year.
6. The Walking Dead: I started watching a show about zombies. It’s “dead” serious, but the plot is “staggering.”
7. The Angry Birds: I’m still playing that bird game. It’s “egg-citing” but I’m starting to feel “fowl.”
8. The Kesha: I woke up feeling like P. Diddy. It was a “Tik Tok” of a morning.
9. The Iron Man 2: Tony Stark has a new suit. It’s “iron-ic” how much he loves himself.
10. The Social Network: I watched the movie about Facebook. It’s “like”-able, but the drama is “un-friending.”

The Full 2010 Archive (The “Retina Display” List)

11. The Battery: I’m feeling “charged” up for the tablet era.
12. The Magnet: I’m “attracted” to the new smart covers.
13. The Mirror: I’m “reflecting” on my grainy 2009 photos.
14. The Camera: I’m “focusing” on the perfect Nashville filter.
15. The MP3: I’m “streaming” toward a cloud-based life.
16. The Firewall: I’m “blocking” the haters on my new feed.
17. The Virus: I’m “infecting” the web with high-quality wordplay.
18. The Laptop: I’m feeling “heavy” now that I have a tablet.
19. The Screen: I’m “displaying” my talent in Retina resolution.
20. The Mouse: I’m “clicking” with the touchscreen generation.
21. The Keyboard: I’m “typing” on glass—it’s a “shattering” feeling.
22. The Printer: I’m “inking” about a paperless office.
23. The Scanner: I’m “beaming” with joy over 4G speeds.
24. The Modem: I’m “dialing” back my expectations.
25. The Router: I’m “routing” for the new startups.
26. The Website: I’m “weaving” a digital tapestry.
27. The Link: I’m “sharing” the best content.
28. The Cursor: I’m “pointing” at the touchscreen.
29. The Password: I’m “locking” my life with a swipe.
30. The Folder: I’m “organizing” my apps into groups.
31. The File: I’m “storing” my memories in the cloud.
32. The Desktop: I’m “surface” deep in new tech.
33. The Wallpaper: I’m “hanging” a high-res photo.
34. The Icon: I’m a “symbol” of 2010.
35. The Trash Can: I’m “recycling” old filters.
36. The Window: I’m “browsing” through life’s feed.
37. The Menu: I’m “selecting” the best angle.
38. The Scroll: I’m “rolling” through the comments.
39. The Save: I’m “keeping” my favorite moments.
40. The Load: I’m “buffering” my new identity.
41. The Font: I’m just your “bold” type of vlogger.
42. The Space: I “need” more GBs for my photos.
43. The Shift: I’m “changing” my status.
44. The Control: I’m “alt-ering” my profile.
45. The Escape: I’m “fleeing” from the lack of Flash support.
46. The Home: I’m “pressing” the home button.
47. The Tab: I’m “switching” between my social lives.
48. The Delete: I’m “erasing” the un-filtered truth.
49. The Number: I’m “counting” my likes.
50. The Bread: I’m “rising” to the challenge of a new OS.
51. The Butter: I’m “spreading” the viral links.
52. The Egg: I’m “cracking” the code of the algorithm.
53. The Cheese: I’m “grating” on everyone with my selfies.
54. The Milk: I’m “milking” my 15 minutes of Instagram fame.
55. The Coffee: I’m “brewing” a new post.
56. The Tea: I’m “spilling” the secrets on Twitter.
57. The Sugar: I’m “coating” my comments in hearts.
58. The Salt: I’m “shaking” off the haters.
59. The Honey: I’m “stuck” on this new tablet.
60. The Jam: I’m “jamming” out to “Tik Tok.”
61. The Toast: I’m the “talk” of the internet.
62. The Juice: I’m “concentrating” on the perfect crop.
63. The Water: I’m “streaming” HD video now.
64. The Soda: I’m “fizzing” with 2010 vibes.
65. The Apple: I’m “taking” a bite out of the iPad.
66. The Banana: I’m “peeling” great.
67. The Orange: I’m “glad” I’m not using a stylus.
68. The Grape: I’m “whining” about the battery life.
69. The Melon: I’m “one” in a million users.
70. The Peach: I’m “just” feeling fuzzy.
71. The Pear: We’re a “fruitful” pair of users.
72. The Plum: I’ve got a “juicy” gossip.
73. The Cherry: I’m the “top” of the feed.
74. The Lemon: I hope my new gadget isn’t a “lemon.”
75. The Lime: I’m in the “limelight.”
76. The Berry: I’m “berry” excited about the update.
77. The Nut: I’m “cracking” the app store.
78. The Bean: I’ve “been” here since the first iPhone.
79. The Corn: This joke is “shucking” high-res.
80. The Potato: I’m a “couch” potato with a tablet.
81. The Tomato: I’m “ketching” up with my distant followers.
82. The Carrot: I’m “rooting” for the new tech.
83. The Onion: I’m “peeling” back the layers of the OS.
84. The Garlic: I’m “breath-taking” in my profile pic.
85. The Mushroom: I’m a “fun-gi” to follow.
86. The Tree: I’m “branching” out into mobile photography.
87. The Leaf: I’m “turning” over a new digital leaf.
88. The Flower: I’m “blooming” in the spotlight.
89. The Bee: I’m “buzzing” with every notification.
90. The Ant: I’m “working” on my digital footprint.
91. The Spider: I’m “weaving” a web of connections.
92. The Fish: I’m “hooked” on the new feed.
93. The Bird: I’m “tweeting” about the iPad.
94. The Cat: I’m “purr-fectly” mobile.
95. The Dog: I’m “barking” up the right cellular tower.
96. The Horse: I’m “stable” for the next update.
97. The Cow: I’m “moo-ving” to a better data plan.
98. The Pig: I’m “hogging” the Wi-Fi at the café.
99. The Sheep: I’m “following” the top influencers.
100. The Duck: I’m “quacking” up at the memes.
101. The Bear: I can’t “bear” to wait for the iPhone 4.
102. The Lion: I’m “pride-ful” of my tech specs.
103. The Tiger: I’m “earning” my stripes as an early adopter.
104. The Elephant: I’ll “never” forget my first upload.
105. The Monkey: I’m “swinging” by the app store.
106. The Snake: I’m “hiss-terical” about the new emojis.
107. The Turtle: I’m “slowly” gaining followers.
108. The Frog: I’m “leaping” into the smartphone age.
109. The Sun: I’m “shining” through the pixels.
110. The Moon: I’m “phasing” out my old gadgets.
111. The Star: I’m “twinkling” in the digital sky.
112. The Cloud: I’m “feeling” a bit foggy on how sync works.
113. The Rain: I’m “pouring” my thoughts into a caption.
114. The Snow: I’m “chilled” out with my new tablet.
115. The End: I’m “tapping” out—catch you in 2011!