124 Classic Punny One-Liners: The Siri & Blocky World Edition (2011)

The 2011 Top 10: Talking Tech & Fantasy Classics

1. The Siri: I asked Siri if she loved me. She said, “I’m not programmed for that,” which is the digital version of “let’s just be friends.”
2. The Minecraft: I tried to build a house out of puns in Minecraft. It was a bit “blocky,” but the “foundation” was solid.
3. The Game of Thrones: I’m reading a book about a giant ice wall. I guess you could say the plot is “frozen” in time.
4. The Harry Potter (Deathly Hallows Pt. 2): It’s over. I’m feeling “Sirius”-ly depressed that there are no more movies.
5. The Royal Wedding: I watched the wedding of the century. It was a “reigning” success, even if I wasn’t invited.
6. The Adele: I’m “rolling in the deep” end of these puns. I hope someone “sets fire to the rain” to dry me off.
7. The Snapchat: I sent a photo that disappeared after 10 seconds. It’s a “ghost” of its former self.
8. The Charlie Sheen: I’m “winning” at life, mostly because I have “tiger blood” and a collection of dad jokes.
9. The Planking: I spent all day lying face down on random objects. I’m just “stiff” from all the excitement.
10. The Skyward Sword: I’m playing the new Zelda. It’s a “cutting-edge” experience for my Wii remote.

The Full 2011 Archive (The “Voice-Activated” List)

11. The Cloud: I moved all my jokes to iCloud. Now they’re just “vague” memories.
12. The Battery: I’m “positive” that Siri is eavesdropping on my puns.
13. The Mirror: I’m “reflecting” on why I’m still playing with digital blocks.
14. The Camera: I’m “focusing” on my new iPhone 4S shots.
15. The Virus: I’m “infecting” the timeline with 2011 humor.
16. The Laptop: I’m “folding” under the pressure of my social feed.
17. The Screen: I’m “displaying” my talent for being annoying.
18. The Mouse: I’m “clicking” with the new voice-command era.
19. The Keyboard: I’m “typing” less and talking to my phone more.
20. The Printer: I’m “inking” a deal for a new Minecraft server.
21. The Scanner: I’m “beaming” with joy over 4G LTE.
22. The Website: I’m “weaving” a web of followers on Pinterest.
23. The Link: I’m “sharing” everything I eat on Instagram.
24. The Cursor: I’m “pointing” out that blocky graphics are back.
25. The Password: I’m “locking” my phone with a fingerprint (wait, almost there).
26. The Folder: I’m “organizing” my apps into categories like “Games” and “More Games.”
27. The File: I’m “storing” my life in the digital ether.
28. The Desktop: I’m “surface” level deep in the App Store.
29. The Wallpaper: I’m “hanging” a picture of a creeper on my screen.
30. The Icon: I’m a “symbol” of the post-PC era.
31. The Trash Can: I’m “recycling” jokes about the end of the world (2012 is coming!).
32. The Window: I’m “browsing” through the new “Timeline” on Facebook.
33. The Menu: I’m “selecting” my starter Pokemon… again.
34. The Scroll: I’m “rolling” through 140 characters at a time.
35. The Save: I’m “keeping” my progress in a virtual world.
36. The Load: I’m “buffering” my social skills for the real world.
37. The Font: I’m just your “bold” type of survivor.
38. The Space: I “need” more storage for all these apps.
39. The Shift: I’m “changing” my status to “Away” (on a quest).
40. The Control: I’m “alt-ering” my reality with VR.
41. The Escape: I’m “fleeing” from the spoilers of the series finale.
42. The Home: I’m “pressing” the home button to talk to Siri.
43. The Tab: I’m “switching” between a dozen open apps.
44. The Delete: I’m “erasing” my search history for “how to plank.”
45. The Number: I’m “counting” my followers—all ten of them!
46. The Bread: I’m “rising” to the challenge of hardcore mode.
47. The Butter: I’m “spreading” the viral memes.
48. The Egg: I’m “cracking” the code for more emeralds.
49. The Cheese: I’m “grating” on your nerves with my Siri questions.
50. The Milk: I’m “milking” the royal wedding for all it’s worth.
51. The Coffee: I’m “brewing” a new YouTube channel.
52. The Tea: I’m “spilling” the tea on Twitter.
53. The Sugar: I’m “coating” my criticism in hashtags.
54. The Salt: I’m “shaking” off the haters.
55. The Honey: I’m “stuck” on level 50.
56. The Jam: I’m “jamming” to LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem.”
57. The Toast: I’m the “talk” of the Minecraft server.
58. The Juice: I’m “concentrating” on my high score.
59. The Water: I’m “streaming” everything—literally everything.
60. The Soda: I’m “fizzing” with 2011 energy.
61. The Apple: I’m “taking” a bite out of the 4S.
62. The Banana: I’m “peeling” great about the future.
63. The Orange: I’m “glad” I don’t have to use a physical map.
64. The Grape: I’m “whining” about the battery drain.
65. The Melon: I’m “one” in a million users.
66. The Peach: I’m “just” feeling fuzzy.
67. The Pear: We’re a “fruitful” pair of gamers.
68. The Plum: I’ve got a “juicy” secret.
69. The Cherry: I’m the “top” of the leaderboard.
70. The Lemon: I hope my new phone isn’t a “lemon.”
71. The Lime: I’m in the “limelight.”
72. The Berry: I’m “berry” much into this new app.
73. The Nut: I’m “cracking” the algorithm.
74. The Bean: I’ve “been” here since the first block.
75. The Corn: This joke is “shucking” high-definition.
76. The Potato: I’m a “couch” potato watching Netflix.
77. The Tomato: I’m “ketching” up with my distant friends.
78. The Carrot: I’m “rooting” for the underdog.
79. The Onion: I’m “peeling” back the layers of the OS.
80. The Garlic: I’m “breath-taking” in my digital avatar.
81. The Mushroom: I’m a “fun-gi” to invite to a party.
82. The Tree: I’m “branching” out into mobile gaming.
83. The Leaf: I’m “turning” over a new digital leaf.
84. The Flower: I’m “blooming” in the spotlight.
85. The Bee: I’m “buzzing” with every notification.
86. The Ant: I’m “working” on my digital footprint.
87. The Spider: I’m “weaving” a web of connections.
88. The Fish: I’m “hooked” on the new feed.
89. The Bird: I’m “tweeting” about Siri’s sass.
90. The Cat: I’m “purr-fectly” mobile.
91. The Dog: I’m “barking” up the right cellular tower.
92. The Horse: I’m “stable” for the next update.
93. The Cow: I’m “moo-ving” to a better data plan.
94. The Pig: I’m “hogging” the Wi-Fi at the café.
95. The Sheep: I’m “following” the top influencers.
96. The Duck: I’m “quacking” up at the memes.
97. The Bear: I can’t “bear” to wait for the next episode.
98. The Lion: I’m “pride-ful” of my tech specs.
99. The Tiger: I’m “earning” my stripes.
100. The Elephant: I’ll “never” forget 2011.
101. The Monkey: I’m “swinging” by the app store.
102. The Snake: I’m “hiss-terical” about the new emojis.
103. The Turtle: I’m “slowly” gaining followers.
104. The Frog: I’m “leaping” into the smartphone age.
105. The Sun: I’m “shining” through the pixels.
106. The Moon: I’m “phasing” out my old hobbies.
107. The Star: I’m “twinkling” in the digital sky.
108. The Cloud: I’m “feeling” a bit foggy on how sync works.
109. The Rain: I’m “pouring” my thoughts into a caption.
110. The Snow: I’m “chilled” out with my new gadgets.
111. The Wind: I’m “blown” away by the new tech.
112. The Fire: I’m “on fire” with my updates.
113. The Water: I’m “treading” the digital waves.
114. The Earth: I’m “grounded” in reality (mostly).
115. The Air: I’m “broadcasting” my life.
116. The Metal: I’m “hardened” by the forum debates.
117. The Wood: I’m “pining” for a vacation.
118. The Glass: I’m “transparent” about my feelings.
119. The Plastic: I’m “flexible” with my schedule.
120. The Paper: I’m “writing” the new rules.
121. The Stone: I’m “rocking” the 2011 look.
122. The Sand: I’m “shore” about my future.
123. The Dust: I’m “settling” into a rhythm.
124. The End: I’m “finishing” this year with a “block”-buster pun!