“I’m the first surgeon to be 50% machine.” “And 100% overpriced.”
Part of the 67 Doctor Jokes: The 2025 “Neuralink & Universal Wellness” Edition archive. Historically Verified
ADDED BY: Floppy_Disk_Hero
✓ HUMAN VERIFIED CONTENT
✓ HUMAN VERIFIED CONTENT
🔥 Top 10: The Doctor Joke Archive: 1995–2025 Archive
1. 1999 Legacy: The Knee
"Your knee is old." "I'm only 30!" "Well, in 'computer years,' you're a mainframe from the 70s."P... read more »
"Your knee is old." "I'm only 30!" "Well, in 'computer years,' you're a mainframe from the 70s."P... read more »
2. 1998 Archive: The Pharmacy
"This medicine is $200." "Does it come with a car?"Part of the 61 Doctor Jokes: The 1998 “Blue Pi... read more »
"This medicine is $200." "Does it come with a car?"Part of the 61 Doctor Jokes: The 1998 “Blue Pi... read more »
3. 1996 Classic: The Medicine Cabinet
I have so many prescriptions from 1996 that my bathroom cabinet is officially considered a chemic... read more »
I have so many prescriptions from 1996 that my bathroom cabinet is officially considered a chemic... read more »
4. 2002 Archive: The Emergency
"Is there a doctor in the house?" "I'm a Doctor of Philosophy!" "Great, come tell this guy why hi... read more »
"Is there a doctor in the house?" "I'm a Doctor of Philosophy!" "Great, come tell this guy why hi... read more »
5. 2007 Classic: The Social Anxiety
"I'm afraid to talk to people." "Just text them. It's 2007, nobody talks anymore."Part of the 71 ... read more »
"I'm afraid to talk to people." "Just text them. It's 2007, nobody talks anymore."Part of the 71 ... read more »
6. 2018 Archive: The Smart-Speaker Snitch
"Your heart rate was up at 2 AM," the doctor noted. I asked how he knew. He said, "Your Google Ho... read more »
"Your heart rate was up at 2 AM," the doctor noted. I asked how he knew. He said, "Your Google Ho... read more »
7. 2006 Vintage: The Lightbulb
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but it takes 12 sessions and the ... read more »
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but it takes 12 sessions and the ... read more »
8. 2019 Vintage: The Specialist
I went to a 'Gut-Health Guru.' He just told me to eat fermented cabbage and stay away from my fam... read more »
I went to a 'Gut-Health Guru.' He just told me to eat fermented cabbage and stay away from my fam... read more »
9. 2018 Legacy: The Knee
"It hurts when I jump." "Stop trying to do the 'Orange Justice' in the shower."Part of the 66 Doc... read more »
"It hurts when I jump." "Stop trying to do the 'Orange Justice' in the shower."Part of the 66 Doc... read more »
10. 2021 Archive: The Tele-Health 2.0
My doctor tried to check my heart by having me hold my phone to my chest. He said, "I don't hear ... read more »
My doctor tried to check my heart by having me hold my phone to my chest. He said, "I don't hear ... read more »
Warning: More Bad Jokes Ahead
Our Comment Archive
[2000-01-10 ARCHIVE_LOG]WebSurfer_X: Anyone else reading this in the middle of the night? LOL!
[2004-05-20 ARCHIVE_LOG]Tamagotchi_Dad: Forgot to feed my pet while reading this. RIP.
[2012-03-04 ARCHIVE_LOG]Gopher_Explorer: Deep in the menus and found this gem.
[2005-07-24 ARCHIVE_LOG]Melrose_Place_Fan: Drama in the pool, but laughs in the archive.
[2012-06-10 ARCHIVE_LOG]Kazaa_Leecher: I downloaded this joke in under a minute!
[2004-02-14 ARCHIVE_LOG]Reddit_Original: The front page of the internet... in 1999!
[1997-11-19 ARCHIVE_LOG]Hat_Tip_Sir: M’lady... this joke is superb.
TOTAL VERIFIED VIEWS: 4,702,257
[ DATA SYNCED WITH 1995-2025 LEGACY DATABASE ]
[ DATA SYNCED WITH 1995-2025 LEGACY DATABASE ]