Buying things you will never actually cook. I bought a bag of kale. It’s currently in the fridge, waiting to be thrown away in two… Read More »The Grocery Regret

The daily battle between man and machine. My alarm clock and I have a great relationship. I hate it, and it loves to annoy me.

The truth about growing up no one told you. Adulting is 90% wondering when you can go back to sleep and 10% deciding what’s for… Read More »The Adulting Reality

A gathering where the guest list is zero. I’m having a party for introverts. It’s being held at my house, and nobody is invited. I’m… Read More »The Introvert Party

The most sincere modern spiritual request. Dear Lord, please let the Wi-Fi be strong and the password be easy to guess. Amen.

The hardest battle you will ever fight. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

A scientific discovery made every Monday morning. Gravity is one of the fundamental forces of nature. Especially when you’re trying to get out of bed.

The fastest magic trick in the world. My wallet is like a portal to another dimension. Everything I put in it disappears instantly.

A rare commodity in the modern world. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

A moment of brutal honesty in the morning. I looked in the mirror and said, “Well, at least I’m not as old as I’ll be… Read More »The Mirror Confession