2017 Archive: The “Pirates of the Caribbean 5” Burn
Why Johnny Depp? For proving that Captain Jack Sparrow is now 100% rum and 0% charm. Part of the 33 Razzie Awards Jokes: The 2017… Read More »2017 Archive: The “Pirates of the Caribbean 5” Burn
2016 Vintage: The Simone Biles Dominance
Why was she the “G.O.A.T.” at 19? Because she won four golds in Rio and did moves so hard they had to name them after… Read More »2016 Vintage: The Simone Biles Dominance
2016 Legacy: The Batman v Superman Sadness
Why was the griller so “Broody”? Because Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill spent the spring fighting, making every “Martha” at the BBQ feel very confused.… Read More »2016 Legacy: The Batman v Superman Sadness
2016 Vintage: The Election Night Shock
Why did the pollsters go into hiding in November? Because they realized that “99% certainty” in 2016 was about as reliable as a weather forecast… Read More »2016 Vintage: The Election Night Shock
2016 Classic: The Closer Radio Monopoly
The morning announcements playing the The Chainsmokers track every single day in September until the speaker system literally short-circuited from repetitive wear. Part of the… Read More »2016 Classic: The Closer Radio Monopoly
2016 Classic: The Elastic Waistband Creed
Wearing high-waisted, stretch-band polyester trousers that require absolutely no iron work, paired with white walking sneakers that squeak loudly on every linoleum floor. Part of… Read More »2016 Classic: The Elastic Waistband Creed
2015 Legacy: The Peanuts Movie
“I’m like Charlie Brown.” “Because you’re lovable?” “No, because life keeps pulling the football away right when I think I’ve got it figured out.” Part of the… Read More »2015 Legacy: The Peanuts Movie
2014 Archive: The “I, Frankenstein” Logic
Why Aaron Eckhart? For a movie that tried to turn a monster into a brooding action hero and failed at both. Part of the 36… Read More »2014 Archive: The “I, Frankenstein” Logic
2014 Legacy: The Fault in Our Stars
“Okay? Okay.” “No, it’s not okay that you spent the grocery money on a new video game.” Part of the 52 Adult Jokes: The 2014 “Ice Buckets… Read More »2014 Legacy: The Fault in Our Stars
2013 Legacy: The Daft Punk
“Get Lucky.” I told her we’re up all night to get lucky. She said, “I’m up all night because you’re snoring. Go to the couch.”… Read More »2013 Legacy: The Daft Punk