73 Light Bulb Jokes: 2012 – The Mayan Countdown

In 2012, the world was supposedly ending according to the Mayan calendar, but we were too busy doing the “Gangnam Style” dance to notice. It was the year The Avengers finally assembled, the London Olympics roared, and we all tried to survive the “Curiosity” landing on Mars. From the “Call Me Maybe” craze to the rise of the “Grumpy Cat,” 2012 was a year of viral explosions and high-stakes cinematic finales.

The 2012 Top 10: Endgame Illumination

1. The Psy (Gangnam Style) Fan: One to screw it in, and everyone else to do the horse dance. “Oppan Light Bulb Style!”
2. The Avengers: Six. Iron Man powers it, Thor strikes it with lightning, Cap organizes the ladder, Black Widow sneaks into the socket, Hawkeye shoots the bulb into place, and Hulk just smashes the old one.
3. The Mayan Doomsday Prepper: None. Why change the bulb if the world is ending on December 21st anyway?
4. The Carly Rae Jepsen Fan: “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my socket, so light me maybe?”
5. The Grumpy Cat: “I changed the light bulb once. It was awful.”
6. The London Olympian: One, but they have to be drug-tested and stand on a podium before the light counts.
7. The Curiosity Rover: One, but it takes 8 months to reach the kitchen and then uses a laser to vaporize the burnt-out bulb.
8. The Katniss Everdeen: “I volunteer! I volunteer as light bulb changer!”
9. The Bane (The Dark Knight Rises): “You simply adopted the dark; I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t see the light until I was already a man!”
10. The Skyfall Bond: One. He doesn’t change it; he just stands in the shadows looking cool while a chandelier crashes.

The Full 2012 Archive (Extended List)

11. The Gotye Fan: “Now you’re just a light bulb that I used to know.”
12. The Maroon 5 (One More Night) Fan: “I’m at a payphone trying to call home… because I can’t see the buttons in the dark.”
13. The Taylor Swift (We Are Never Ever) Fan: “We are never, ever, ever… getting this old bulb back together.”
14. The Fun. (We Are Young) Fan: “Tonight… we are young! So let’s set the world on fire… or just change the bulb.”
15. The One Direction Fan: “You don’t know you’re beautiful… that’s what makes you a 60-watt.”
16. The Flo Rida (Whistle) Fan: “Can you blow my whistle, baby? Because I can’t find it in the dark.”
17. The Macklemore Fan: “I’m gonna pop some bulbs, only got twenty dollars in my pocket…”
18. The Ted (Bear) Fan: One, but he’ll just end up ordering a pizza and watching Flash Gordon in the dark.
19. The Wreck-It Ralph Fan: “I’m gonna wreck it! (The old filament, specifically).”
20. The Brave (Merida) Fan: One, but she has to shoot an arrow through the socket from a moving horse.
21. The Life of Pi Fan: One, but they have to share the ladder with a tiger named Richard Parker.
22. The Magic Mike Fan: One, but he has to do a choreographed routine while taking off his tool belt.
23. The 21 Jump Street Cop: “You have the right to remain… illuminated!”
24. The Pitch Perfect Barden Bella: “Aca-scuse me? Who turned out the lights?”
25. The Django Unchained Fan: “The ‘D’ is silent… just like the bulb.”
26. The Les Misérables Fan: One, but they have to sing a 10-minute solo about their suffering in the shadows.
27. The Looper Fan: They don’t change the bulb; they just send a new one back in time from 30 years in the future.
28. The Prometheus Scientist: One, but they’ll touch the socket even though it’s clearly dangerous and alien.
29. The Scientist: “We’ve confirmed the Higgs Boson, but I still can’t find a bulb that doesn’t hum.”
30. The Librarian: “Darkness is just a library where all the books are closed.”
31. The Gym Teacher: “If you can’t reach the bulb, give me 50 mountain climbers!”
32. The Chef: “I’ll change it, but it needs to be served in a mason jar.”
33. The Optimist: “Now I can finally see if my ‘End of the World’ party decorations glow in the dark!”
34. The Pessimist: “The light coming back on just reminds me how much cleaning I have to do.”
35. The Pro-Wrestler: One, but they have to hit the bulb with a ‘People’s Elbow’ off the ladder.
36. The Detective: “The bulb didn’t burn out; it was a hit-and-run by a power surge.”
37. The Tourist: “Is this the same socket they used in the Olympic Opening Ceremony?”
38. The Reality Producer: “Can we get the old bulb to have a dramatic exit from the house?”
39. The Bodybuilder: “I’m not changing it, I’m just doing ‘static holds’ with the ladder.”
40. The Sailor: “A dark room is just a boat with the stars painted over.”
41. The Poet: “The glass is a cold heart that once knew the warmth of a wire.”
42. The Bus Driver: “Step behind the white line! I can’t see, but I can still hear you eating those chips!”
43. The Ghost: “I liked the old bulb. It had more ‘unsolved mystery’ vibes.”
44. The 2012 Legend: One, but they do it while wearing a ‘keep calm and carry on’ t-shirt.
45. The Starbucks Fan: “One Venti-Watt, extra hot, with a pump of hazelnut.”
46. The America’s Next Top Model: “One, but they have to ‘smize’ until the room glows.”
47. The Panic! At The Disco Fan: “I chime in with a ‘Haven’t you people ever heard of… closing the goddamn circuit?!'”
48. The Rihanna (Diamonds) Fan: “Shine bright like a… new 75-watt.”
49. The Justin Bieber (Believe) Fan: “I’m a belieber… that this bulb will work.”
50. The Taylor Swift (Red) Fan: “Loving him was red… but the room is black.”
51. The Ellie Goulding Fan: “Anything could happen… especially in the dark.”
52. The Bruno Mars (Locked Out Of Heaven) Fan: “You make me feel like I’ve been locked out of… the light.”
53. The Ne-Yo Fan: “Let me love you… and this energy-efficient bulb.”
54. The Swedish House Mafia Fan: “Don’t you worry, child… see, heaven’s got a light for you.”
55. The Calvin Harris Fan: “We’ll be coming back for you… one day when the light is on.”
56. The Skrillex Fan: One, but the light only comes on when the beat drops. Wub wub wub.
57. The Pinterest Mom: One, but she has to wrap the bulb in twine and lace first.
58. The Instagrammer: “Wait! Don’t turn it on! The shadows are perfect for this ‘Valencia’ filter!”
59. The Snapchat Teen: One, but the light disappears after 10 seconds.
60. The Wii U Owner: One, but they have to look at the small screen on the ladder to see the bulb on the ceiling.
61. The Far Cry 3 Player: “Do you know the definition of insanity? Screwing in the same bulb over and over again.”
62. The Assassin’s Creed III Fan: One, but they have to do it during the American Revolution.
63. The Borderlands 2 Fan: One (Claptrap), but he can’t climb the stairs to get to the ladder.
64. The Mass Effect 3 Player: One, but you get to choose if the light is red, blue, or green at the end.
65. The Dishonored Player: One, but they teleport to the ceiling and do it stealthily.
66. The Walking Dead Game Fan: “Clementine will remember that you changed the light bulb.”
67. The Slender Man Fan: None. If the light goes out, just don’t look behind you.
68. The Kony 2012 Supporter: They don’t change it; they just put a poster of the bulb on a lamppost.
69. The Felix Baumgartner Fan: One, but they have to jump from space to reach the socket.
70. The Higgs Boson Scientist: One, but it’s the “God Bulb.”
71. The Kindle Paperwhite User: “I don’t need a light bulb, my book glows!”
72. The Gangnam Style Dancer: One, but they do it while shouting “HEEEEEEY, SEXY LADY!”
73. The 2012 Icon: One, but they do it while wearing Galaxy-print leggings and a “YOLO” snapback.