60 Classic Office Jokes: The 1995 Retro Edition

The 1995 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Windows 95 Promotion: Why did the manager get promoted? Because he was the only one who knew how to find the “Start” button.
2. The Fax Machine: Why did the employee burn his hand? He was trying to “send” a hot memo through the fax.
3. The Dial-Up Delay: Why did the accountant cross the road? To get a better connection on the other side.
4. The Floppy Disk: Why was the 3.5-inch disk so confident? Because it knew it was the “height of technology.”
5. The Pager Problem: Why did the boss put his pager in the blender? He wanted to “mix up” his messages.
6. The Coffee Break: What do you call a productive Monday in 1995? A miracle.
7. The Spreadsheet Ruler: Why did the secretary bring a ruler to the computer? She wanted to see how long the “Excel cell” was.
8. The Screen Saver: Why did the employee stare at the “Flying Toasters” for an hour? He was waiting for them to finish breakfast.
9. The Paper Jam: Why did the printer go to therapy? It had too much “repressed” paper.
10. The Corporate Ladder: In 1995, the corporate ladder was made of wood, and the splinters were called “downsizing.”

The Full 1995 Archive (Extended List)

11. The Encarta Expert: Why did the dad think he was a genius? He just installed the 1995 Encarta Encyclopedia CD-ROM.
12. The Mouse Pad: Why did the worker bring a pillow to his desk? He heard he needed a new “mouse pad.”
13. The Internet Search: How did we find things before Google? We asked the guy in the mailroom who “knew everything.”
14. The Clip Art: Why was the presentation so fancy? It had three different pieces of “Clip Art” of a man shaking hands.
15. The Thermal Fax: Why did the memo disappear? It was printed on thermal paper and left in the sun for five minutes.
16. The Solitaire Pro: My boss thinks I’m a hard worker, but I’ve actually just reached Level 99 in Windows Solitaire.
17. The New Email: Why did the employee scream at his computer? He got his first “email” and thought the machine was talking to him.
18. The Laptop Weight: Why did the salesman have huge muscles? He had to carry a 15-pound “portable” computer.
19. The Rolodex: Why was the Rolodex so sad? It heard a rumor about something called “Outlook.”
20. The Overhead Projector: Why did the meeting take so long? The manager spent 20 minutes trying to get the transparency straight.
21. The Dot Matrix: What’s the loudest sound in 1995? A dot matrix printer screaming through a 50-page report.
22. The Desktop Tower: Why did the dad put his computer tower on a chair? He wanted it to be at “eye level” with the future.
23. The Cursor: Why was the employee chasing his screen? He was “following the cursor” to success.
24. The Netscape Navigator: Why did the explorer stay at the office? He was busy “navigating” the web at 14.4 kbps.
25. The Briefcase: Why did the businessman carry a briefcase? To hide his massive “brick” cellphone.
26. The Memo Highlighter: Why did the boss use a highlighter on the window? He wanted to “highlight” the office view.
27. The Punch Card: Why did the veteran employee quit? He couldn’t deal with these new “high-tech” floppy disks.
28. The Cubicle Fish: Why is a cubicle like a fish tank? You spend all day staring at glass and waiting for flakes.
29. The Zip Drive: Why was the tech guy so popular? He had a 100MB Zip Drive and felt like a god.
30. The Ergonomic Ball: Why did the dad sit on a ball? He heard it was the “future of office seating.”
31. The Computer Virus: Why did the employee give his monitor a flu shot? He heard there was a “macro virus” going around.
32. The Keyboard Crime: Why did the typist go to jail? Because she “hit” the Enter key too hard.
33. The Photocopy Face: Why did the worker put his face on the copier? He wanted to “face” the facts.
34. The WordArt Style: You know it’s a serious 1995 memo when the title is in “Rainbow WordArt.”
35. The Lunch Out: What’s the difference between 1995 and now? In 1995, you actually left the building for lunch.
36. The Travel Agent: Why did the businessman go to the mall? To visit the travel agent and “book” a flight with real paper.
37. The Pocket Diskette: Why did the dad keep a diskette in his pocket? For “data” on the go.
38. The Monitor Mesh: Why did the office look like a lab? Everyone had those “anti-glare” mesh screens.
39. The Stapler Bond: Why did the stapler get a raise? It was the only thing “bonding” the team together.
40. The Yellow Pages: Why did the boss look so strong? He was lifting the 1995 business directory.
41. The Trackball Struggle: Why did the designer look frustrated? He was trying to draw with a “trackball” mouse.
42. The Office Temp: Why was the temp so confused? They asked her to “cc” someone and she didn’t have any carbon paper.
43. The VCR Vision: Why did the manager bring a VCR to the meeting? To show the “Corporate Vision” tape.
44. The Suit Requirement: Why did the 1995 employee wear a suit? Because “Casual Friday” was still a radical concept.
45. The Phone Line Occupied: Why couldn’t the boss call his wife? Because the office was “on the internet.”
46. The Filing Cabinet Award: Why did the cabinet get an award? For being the best “offline database.”
47. The Casio Accountant: Why did the accountant talk to his watch? He heard it was a “data bank.”
48. The Whiteboard Touch: Why was the whiteboard so proud? It was the only “touchscreen” in the office.
49. The Modem Song: What’s the national anthem of 1995? The sound of a 28.8k modem connecting.
50. The Coffee Mug: “You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it helps!” – every mug in 1995.
51. The Laser Pointer: Why did the cat join the meeting? The boss got a new “laser pointer.”
52. The Spreadsheet Crash: Why did the computer explode? Someone tried to divide by zero in Lotus 1-2-3.
53. The Hammer Tech: Why did the employee bring a hammer to the computer? He wanted to “break” into the tech industry.
54. The Post-it Note: Why did the computer have yellow spots? The dad used Post-it notes as “pop-up ads.”
55. The Desk Phone: Why was the desk phone so heavy? It was full of 1995 “messages.”
56. The Paper Shredder: Why did the boss put his tie in the shredder? He wanted to “cut” his ties with the company.
57. The Office Memo: Why did the memo go to the doctor? It had a “circular” reference.
58. The Screen Cleaner: Why did the dad put Windex on the monitor? He wanted to browse a “clear” web.
59. The Power Strip: Why did the employee feel powerful? He was in charge of the “surge protector.”
60. The Mouse Ball: Why was the mouse so slow? It needed its “ball” cleaned.