59 Classic Blonde Jokes: The 1999 Retro Edition

The 1999 Top 10: Golden Classics

1. The Y2K Bug: Why did the blonde buy a giant fly swatter for her computer on New Year’s Eve? She was ready to kill the “Y2K bug” the moment it appeared.
2. The Matrix: Why did the blonde stare at the green falling code in “The Matrix” for three hours? She thought it was a falling “Tetris” game she could play with her mind.
3. The Nokia 3210: Why did the blonde put her new Nokia 3210 in the blender? She wanted to make a “smoothie” ringtone.
4. The Star Wars: Why did the blonde bring a vacuum cleaner to “The Phantom Menace”? She heard that Jar Jar Binks “really sucked” and wanted to help.
5. The Britney Spears: Why did the blonde hit her computer monitor with a stick? Because Britney told her, “Hit me baby, one more time!”
6. The Napster: Why did the blonde bring a pillow to her computer? She heard everyone was “napping” with Napster and didn’t want to be left out.
7. The Google: Why did the blonde think Google was a detective? Because every time she asked a question, it found 1,000,000 suspects.
8. The Flat Screen: Why did the blonde think her new flat-screen monitor was a window? She tried to lean out of it to see who was typing.
9. The Millennium: Why did the blonde think the year 2000 was going to be “twice as good”? Because it had two more zeros than the year 99.
10. The iMac: Why did the blonde try to eat her “Strawberry” flavored iMac? She heard Steve Jobs say the colors were “delicious.”

The Full 1999 Archive (Extended List)

11. The Mouse: Why was the blonde’s mouse always in the fridge? She wanted to “cool” her clicks.
12. The Keyboard: Why did the blonde put a bandage on her keyboard? She heard she had a “dead” key.
13. The Monitor: Why did the blonde put a screen door on her monitor? She wanted to keep the “Y2K bugs” out.
14. The Printer: Why did the blonde put a mirror in front of the printer? She wanted to see a “double” print.
15. The Scanner: Why did the blonde put a picture of her face on the scanner? She wanted to “face” her digital future.
16. The Email: Why did the blonde keep her computer in the mailbox? She was waiting for “instant” mail.
17. The Password: Why did the blonde change her password to “123456”? Because the computer said it was “too easy” to remember.
18. The Desktop: Why did the blonde put a glass of water on her desktop? She wanted to see the “liquid” crystal display.
19. The Icon: Why did the blonde think her computer was a church? It had so many “icons” on the screen.
20. The Folder: Why did the blonde put a real folder on her monitor? She wanted to “organize” her desktop.
21. The Link: Why did the blonde bring a chain to the computer? She heard there were “missing links.”
22. The Virus: Why did the blonde give her computer a glass of orange juice? She heard there was a “Macro virus” going around.
23. The Disk: Why did the blonde use her floppy disk as a coaster? She wanted to “save” her drink.
24. The Search: Why did the blonde use a magnifying glass on her screen? She was “searching” for the internet.
25. The Scroll: Why did the blonde bring a rolling pin to the computer? She heard she needed to “scroll” down.
26. The Font: Why did the blonde change her font to “Comic Sans”? She wanted her computer to be “funny.”
27. The Port: Why did the blonde bring a suitcase to her computer? She heard it had a “parallel port.”
28. The Bit: Why did the blonde bite her computer? She wanted to see if it had 64 “bits.”
29. The Chip: Why did the blonde put a tortilla chip in her computer? She heard it needed a “silicon chip.”
30. The Fan: Why did the blonde bring a pom-pom to her computer? She wanted to be a “fan” of the cooling system.
31. The RAM: Why did the blonde bring a sheep to the office? She heard the computer needed more “RAM” for the new millennium.
32. The Hard Drive: Why did the blonde take her computer for a 20-mile run? She wanted to give it a “hard drive.”
33. The Firewall: Why did the blonde bring a fire extinguisher to the computer? She heard it had a “firewall.”
34. The Buffer: Why did the blonde bring a car wax? She heard the video was “buffering.”
35. The Cookies: Why did the blonde look inside her computer? She was looking for the “cookies” the websites promised her.
36. The Crash: Why did the blonde call a tow truck? Her computer “crashed” on the information superhighway.
37. The Java: Why did the blonde pour coffee on her mouse? She wanted to use “Java.”
38. The Bug: Why did the blonde use bug spray on her screen? She heard there was a “millennium bug.”
39. The Bookmark: Why did the blonde put a post-it note on her monitor? She wanted to “bookmark” a site.
40. The Wallpaper: Why did the blonde buy a bucket of paste? She wanted to change her “desktop wallpaper.”
41. The Refresh: Why did the blonde splash water on her face? She clicked “Refresh” on her browser.
42. The Zip: Why did the blonde try to zip up her computer case? She wanted to “zip” her files.
43. The Trash: Why did the blonde throw her monitor away? She was told to “empty the trash.”
44. The Menu: Why did the blonde ask her computer for a pizza? She saw a “start menu.”
45. The Speaker: Why did the blonde talk to her speakers? She thought they were “talking” to her.
46. The CD: Why did the blonde put a CD in the microwave? She wanted to hear “fast” music.
47. The Modem: Why did the blonde sing to her modem? She wanted to harmonize with the dial-up sound.
48. The End: Why did the blonde think 1999 was the last year? Because the party song said “Party like it’s 1999” and she thought there were no more parties after that!
49. The Laptop: Why did the blonde put a laptop on her lap? She thought it was a “electronic” heater.
50. The Mouse Pad: Why did the blonde buy a mouse pad for her pet hamster? She thought it was a luxury gym.
51. The Webcam: Why did the blonde wave at her computer? She thought the “webcam” was a mirror.
52. The Scroll Bar: Why did the blonde bring a candy bar to the computer? She heard she needed a “scroll bar.”
53. The Backspace: Why did the blonde walk backwards? She wanted to “backspace.”
54. The Shift Key: Why did the blonde move her chair? She wanted to use the “Shift” key.
55. The Control Key: Why did the blonde think she was a pilot? She found the “Control” key.
56. The Alt Key: Why did the blonde look for another computer? She found the “Alt” key.
57. The Space Bar: Why did the blonde go to the computer for a drink? She heard it had a “Space bar.”
58. The Enter Key: Why did the blonde knock on the keyboard? She wanted to “Enter.”
59. The Y2K Finale: Why did the blonde throw her computer out at 11:59 PM? She didn’t want to be there when the “bug” bit!