54 Adult Jokes: The 2017 “Luxury Fails & Salty Vibes” Edition

In 2017, adult humor was a mix of watching rich people fail and trying to stay sane in a world of viral challenges. It was the year of the Fidget Spinner (the ultimate “I have ADHD” accessory), the Wonder Woman comeback, and the realization that Netflix had officially replaced our social lives.

The 2017 Top 10: The “Gourmet & Gutter” Jokes

1. The Fyre Festival Marriage: Our marriage is exactly like Fyre Festival. I promised you a luxury villa and a private beach, but we ended up in a Target tent eating a processed cheese sandwich while crying over the Wi-Fi.
2. The Salt Bae Kitchen: A guy starts dropping salt down his forearm onto the dinner. His wife looks at him and says, “Unless you’re seasoning a 5-star steak, you look like you’re having a very specific medical emergency. Just pass the pepper, Nusret.”
3. The Covfefe Mystery: “What does ‘Covfefe’ mean?” “It’s a secret code between husbands. It means: ‘I’m hiding in the garage and I’m not coming out until the company leaves’.”
4. The IT/Pennywise Date: Why is dating in 2017 like the movie IT? Because you meet a guy who lives in a basement, promises you balloons and fun, but in the end, it’s just a nightmare that leaves you screaming in a sewer.
5. The Fidget Spinner Crisis: “I bought a Fidget Spinner for my anxiety!” “Does it help?” “No, but now I can ignore my wife’s questions with 30% more kinetic energy.”
6. The Wonder Woman Power: “I’m a fierce Amazonian warrior!” “No, honey. You’re just a woman who managed to find a parking spot at the mall on a Saturday. But honestly, that’s more impressive.”
7. The Get Out Logic: “I’m going to my in-laws’ house for the weekend.” “Be careful. If they start clinking a teacup with a spoon, run for the door and don’t look back.”
8. The Bitcoin FOMO: “I should have bought Bitcoin in 2011!” “You also should have mowed the lawn in 2015, Kevin. Let’s focus on the ‘bubbles’ we can actually control—like the one in your beer.”
9. The La La Land/Moonlight Blunder: “I’d like to announce that our anniversary dinner was a success! Oh, wait… I’m sorry, there’s a mistake. The dinner was actually a disaster, I’m reading the wrong card.”
10. The Shape of Water: “I’m in love with a fish man!” “No, you’re just spending too much time in the bathtub with a glass of wine. Come out, the kids are hungry.”

The Full 2017 Adult Archive (Items 11–54)

11. The Game of Thrones Wall: “I’m building a wall to keep out the White Walkers!” “Those aren’t White Walkers, Dave. Those are the neighbors’ kids coming over to use our pool. Lock the gate.”
12. The Handmaid’s Tale: “Under His eye.” “No, it’s ‘Under My Eye’, and I can see you trying to hide that bag of fast food in the trash. I see everything.”
13. The iPhone X FaceID: “My phone won’t unlock!” “Is the camera broken?” “No, I just woke up with a hangover and my phone doesn’t recognize this ‘puffy version’ of me as the owner.”
14. The Baby Driver: “I’m a getaway driver with a killer soundtrack!” “You’re a dad in a Honda Odyssey listening to ‘Baby Shark’ for the 100th time. Drive to the dentist.”
15. The Logan Movie: “I’m old and my powers are fading.” “You’re 38, Steve. Your ‘powers’ didn’t fade, you just stopped going to the gym and started eating ‘night-cheese’.”
16. The Beauty and the Beast Remake: “A tale as old as time!” “Yeah, the tale of you forgetting to put the toilet seat down. Truly, a classic.”
17. The Guardians 2: “I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!” “No, you’re just a guy with an umbrella caught in a downpour because you didn’t check the weather app.”
18. The Spider-Man: Homecoming: “I’m just a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.” “Then be ‘friendly’ and help the neighbors with their groceries instead of climbing the trellis.”
19. The Thor: Ragnarok: “I’m the God of Thunder!” “The only ‘thunder’ here is the sound of your stomach after that taco bell. Take a Tums.”
20. The Justice League Fail: “We’re a team of the world’s greatest heroes!” “You look like a group of dads who got lost on the way to a comic-con. Go home.”
21. The Star Wars: The Last Jedi: “Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.” “Is that what you call throwing away my old high school yearbooks? Because that’s cold, Kylo.”
22. The Jumanji Remake: “I’ve been sucked into a video game!” “No, you’ve just been staring at your phone for three hours. The real world is still here, and it needs you to cook dinner.”
23. The Dunkirk Silence: “I’m being stoic and brave like a soldier.” “No, you’re just giving me the silent treatment because I told you that hat looks stupid.”
24. The Blade Runner 2049: “I’m a replicant!” “You’re a copy of a copy of your father, and just like him, you can’t find the mustard in the fridge.”
25. The Kingsman 2: “Manners maketh man.” “Then use a napkin and stop wiping your hands on your jeans, Galahad.”
26. The Despicable Me 3: “I have a twin brother who is more successful!” “No, you just have an imaginary friend who validates your bad financial decisions.”
27. The Murder on the Orient Express: “Everyone is a suspect!” “The only ‘crime’ here is who ate the last yogurt, and I can see the lid in your hand.”
28. The Ghost in the Shell: “I’m a cyborg with a human soul.” “You’re a human with a phone addiction. Your ‘soul’ is currently at 4% battery.”
29. The Alien: Covenant: “I’m exploring a new world!” “The attic isn’t a new world, and those ‘aliens’ are just squirrels. Get down.”
30. The John Wick 2: “I’m back!” “You were only gone for five minutes to get the mail, John. Relax with the tactical entry.”
31. The Fast & Furious 8: “It’s about family.” “It’s about over-the-top stunts and Vin Diesel’s ego. Just like our Christmas dinner.”
32. The Power Rangers: “It’s morphin’ time!” “Go ‘morph’ into someone who knows how to fold a fitted sheet.”
33. The Mummy Reboot: “I’ve awakened an ancient curse!” “That’s just your student loan interest kicking in. It never sleeps.”
34. The Baywatch Movie: “I’m running in slow motion!” “You’re just running late, and the slow motion is making it worse. Move!”
35. The Valerian Fail: “I’m an agent of space and time!” “You’re a guy with a 2-hour commute. Space and time are currently winning.”
36. The Geostorm: “I can control the weather!” “Then make it stop raining on my freshly washed car, Mr. Scientist.”
37. The Emoji Movie: “I’m a ‘Meh’ emoji.” “Finally, a realistic description of your enthusiasm for our weekend plans.”
38. The Netflix Binge Part 2: “I watched 13 episodes of Stranger Things in a row!” “Do you feel enlightened?” “No, I feel like I need a shower and a new identity.”
39. The Instagram Stories: “I’m posting a 15-second clip of my life!” “In 2017, this is how we tell people we’re bored without actually saying it.”
40. The Bitcoin Rally: “It’s at $19,000!” “Are you selling?” “No, I’m waiting for it to hit the moon… or hit zero. There is no middle ground.”
41. The Rom-Com Reality: “Why isn’t our life like a movie?” “Because in movies, the guy doesn’t spend 20 minutes deciding which type of cheese to buy.”
42. The Smart Home: “Alexa, find my husband.” “I found him in the basement looking at vintage car parts he can’t afford.”
43. The Tide Pod Challenge: “People are eating laundry detergent!” “In 2017, this is how we filter the population. Let them eat soap.”
44. The Kendall Jenner Pepsi: “I solved the world’s problems with a soda!” “No, you just made everyone on the internet angry at the same time. Impressive, though.”
45. The United Airlines: “I’m being re-accommodated!” “Is that what you call sleeping on the couch because you forgot my birthday?”
46. The Snapchat Map: “I can see exactly where you are!” “That’s not romantic, that’s stalking. Turn it off.”
47. The Fidget Spinner Part 2: “Look how fast it spins!” “If only your career moved at that speed, we’d be millionaires by now.”
48. The Salt Bae Part 2: “I’m seasoning the salad!” “You’re getting salt on the floor and the cat is sneezing. Stop it.”
49. The IT Part 2: “We all float down here!” “I’m just trying to fix the sink, please stop quoting the clown.”
50. The Black Mirror Part 3: “Technology is a prison!” “He says, while ordering a pizza from his watch. Life is a parody.”
51. The 2017 Exit: “Why was 2017 so weird?” “Because it was the year we realized that reality is just a suggestion and memes are the new law.”
52. The New Year’s 2018 Resolution: “My resolution is to stop caring about Bitcoins and Covfefe… and finally watch The Last Jedi.”
53. The Nintendo Switch: “I can play Zelda on the toilet!” “In 2017, this is the pinnacle of human achievement.”
54. The Final 2017 Thought: “I’m ‘Salty’.” “About what?” “Everything. It’s the vibe of the year.”