53 Sports Jokes: The 2007 “Almost Perfect & The Iceman” Edition

In 2007, sport was a thriller with an unfinished ending. The New England Patriots were trying to go down in history as undefeated, Kimi Räikkönen stole the F1 championship from under the noses of two quarreling McLaren drivers, and Tiger Woods continued to make golf look like the easiest game in the world.

The 2007 Top 10: The “Pats & The Iceman” Classics

1. The Patriots’ 16-0 Season: Why were the history books already half-written in December? Because Tom Brady and Randy Moss broke every record in the NFL, finishing the regular season 16-0 and making every other team feel like they were playing against a Madden cheat code.
2. Kimi Räikkönen’s F1 Miracle: Why was the “Iceman” the only one smiling in Brazil? Because Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso spent the whole year fighting each other at McLaren, only for Kimi to sneak past them in the final race and win the title by a single point.
3. The Milan Revenge: Why was Athens “red” again? Because AC Milan beat Liverpool in the Champions League final, proving that revenge is a dish best served two years later with two goals from Filippo Inzaghi.
4. The David Beckham “Galaxy” Arrival: Why was Los Angeles suddenly obsessed with “soccer”? Because the biggest star in the world arrived with a $250 million contract and a mission to explain to Americans what a “draw” is.
5. The San Antonio Spurs Sweep: Why were the NBA Finals so quiet? Because Tim Duncan and the Spurs swept a young LeBron James and the Cavaliers, telling him: “This is going to be your league soon, but for now, it’s ours.”
6. The Tiger Woods PGA Dominance: Why was the trophy cabinet at the Woods’ house getting a new wing? Because Tiger won his 13th Major at the PGA Championship, and we all thought he’d catch Jack Nicklaus by his 35th birthday.
7. The Barry Bonds 756: Why was the atmosphere in San Francisco so heavy? Because Bonds finally broke Hank Aaron’s all-time home run record, but the “asterisk” in everyone’s mind was bigger than the stadium scoreboard.
8. The Roger Federer-Rafael Nadal Wimbledon Final: Why was the grass crying? Because they played a five-set epic that finally made Federer look human, even though he still walked away with his fifth straight trophy.
9. The South Africa Rugby World Cup: Why was the “Springbok” jumping? Because South Africa won their second World Cup, proving that when it comes to rugby, they have more muscle and heart than anyone else.
10. The Spygate Scandal: Why was Bill Belichick holding a video camera? Because the NFL caught the Patriots filming the Jets’ sidelines, proving that even a “genius” likes to have the answers to the test before it starts.

The Full 2007 Sports Jokes Archive

11. The Lewis Hamilton Rookie Year: Why were the veterans scared? Because a 22-year-old rookie led the F1 championship for almost the whole season, proving that “experience” is overrated when you’re that fast.
12. The Boston Red Sox Second Title: Why was the “Curse” officially dead? Because the Red Sox won their second World Series in four years, turning from “lovable losers” into the “Evil Empire of the North.”
13. The Peyton Manning Super Bowl: Why was the rain in Miami so sweet? Because Peyton finally won his first ring, proving he could win the big one even if he had to do it in a tropical storm.
14. The Kaká Ballon d’Or: Why was he the best in the world? Because in 2007, he was the only player who could make running past an entire defense look like a religious experience.
15. The Justine Henin Dominance: Why was the women’s tour so small? Because Henin won the French Open and the US Open, proving that you don’t need to be 6-feet tall to hit the ball harder than everyone else.
16. The Golden State “We Believe” Warriors: Why was Dallas so embarrassed? Because the #8 seed Warriors knocked out the #1 seed Mavs and MVP Dirk Nowitzki in the biggest first-round shock in NBA history.
17. The Alberto Contador Tour de France: Why was the podium so young? Because Contador won his first Tour after the previous leader was kicked out, starting a new era of Spanish mountain climbing.
18. The Michael Vick Scandal: Why was the stadium empty? Because the NFL’s most exciting star was headed to prison for dogfighting, leaving a permanent stain on his career and our hearts.
19. The Anaheim Ducks Stanley Cup: Why was the “Disney” name gone? Because the “Mighty” was dropped, but the talent stayed, giving California its first-ever NHL championship.
20. The 100-Point High School Game: Why was everyone talking about Epiphanny Prince? Because she scored 113 points in a single high school basketball game, making Kobe’s 81 look like a warmup.
21. The Iraq Asian Cup Victory: Why did the world stop for a second? Because in the middle of a war, the Iraq national team won the Asian Cup, proving that soccer is the only thing that can bring a country together.
22. The Chris Benoit Tragedy: Why was the wrestling world dark? Because a horrific real-life crime overshadowed the ring, changing the industry and its safety protocols forever.
23. The Oscar De La Hoya vs. Floyd Mayweather: Why was it the “Fight to Save Boxing”? Because it broke every pay-per-view record and officially crowned “Money” Mayweather as the new king of the sport.
24. The Maria Sharapova Shoulder: Why was she struggling? Because the power that won her Wimbledon was starting to fade, leading to a year of frustration and ice packs.
25. The Appalachian State Upset: Why was Michigan so quiet? Because a small school from North Carolina beat the #5 ranked Wolverines in their own “Big House,” the biggest upset in college football history.
26. The Novak Djokovic Arrival: Why were the “Big Two” looking over their shoulders? Because a funny kid from Serbia reached the US Open final and started imitating everyone’s serve—and then started beating them.
27. The India T20 World Cup: Why was cricket suddenly so fast? Because India won the first-ever T20 World Cup, and a billion people decided that three hours of cricket was better than five days.
28. The Marion Jones Confession: Why was the gold being returned? Because she finally admitted to using steroids for the 2000 Olympics, proving that “too good to be true” usually is.
29. The Jamie Whincup Rise: Why was V8 Supercars getting a new boss? Because he started winning everything, beginning a dominance that would last for a decade.
30. The Kevin Garnett Trade to Boston: Why was “Anything is Possible”? Because KG joined Paul Pierce and Ray Allen, creating the first “Big Three” of the modern era.
31. The Casey Stoner MotoGP Title: Why was Ducati so fast? Because Stoner rode a bike that looked like a rocket ship, ending the Italian dominance and bringing the trophy to Australia.
32. The Florida Gators Repeat: Why was Joakim Noah dancing? Because Florida became the first team in 15 years to win back-to-back NCAA basketball titles with the same starting five.
33. The Mike Tyson “Director’s Cut”: Why was he in the news? Because the documentary Tyson showed us the man behind the monster, and we all started to feel a little sorry for the “Baddest Man.”
34. The Colorado Rockies “Rocktober”: Why were they so hot? Because they won 21 out of 22 games to reach the World Series, proving that momentum is a scary thing in baseball.
35. The David Beckham Red Card (Again?): No, this time it was a yellow card for his voice, as he complained about the level of play in MLS while nursing an injury.
36. The Serena Williams Australian Open: Why was the world shocked? Because she entered the tournament ranked #81, looked out of shape, and then demolished everyone to win the trophy.
37. The NFL in London: Why were the Giants playing at Wembley? Because the NFL decided to export “American Football” to the UK, and 80,000 people showed up just to see what the hype was about.
38. The Tim Donaghy Scandal: Why were the refs under the microscope? Because an NBA referee was caught betting on games he officiated, making every whistle for the next year look suspicious.
39. The Mattel “Recall”: Why did it affect sports? Because in 2007, everything from toys to jerseys seemed to have lead paint, proving that even our merch was dangerous.
40. The Asafa Powell 9.74: Why was the record moving again? Because Powell broke his own world record in Italy, but he still couldn’t find a way to win the big one.
41. The Ricky Hatton vs. Floyd Mayweather: Why was the “Hitman” sleeping? Because Floyd landed a check-hook that sent the English fans home early and kept the “0” on his record.
42. The New England Patriots “Perfect” Regular Season: Why was 16-0 so special? Because no one had done it since the 1972 Dolphins, and they did it with 14 more games to worry about.
43. The Jelena Jankovic “No-Slam” #3: Why was she the queen of consistency? Because she reached the top of the rankings without a Major, proving that showing up every week is a skill too.
44. The Cristiano Ronaldo “Player of the Year” Battle: Why was he losing to Kaká? Because 2007 was the last year anyone was allowed to win the Ballon d’Or before the Messi-Ronaldo decade started.
45. The Tour de France Doping: Why was it the “Tour de Pharmacy”? Because more riders were tested positive than finished the race, making us wonder if the bikes were the only things with wheels.
46. The Phoenix Suns “Seven Seconds or Less”: Why were they so fun? Because Steve Nash and Amar’e Stoudemire were playing basketball at 100mph, even if they forgot to play defense.
47. The Tiger Woods “Family” News: Why was he taking a break? Because his daughter Sam was born, and for a few months, a diaper change was more important than a birdie putt.
48. The IPL Formation: Why was the money moving to India? Because the plan for the Indian Premier League was born, promising to turn cricketers into millionaires overnight.
49. The Greg Oden vs. Kevin Durant: Why did Portland choose the big man? Because “you can’t teach height,” leaving Seattle (and later OKC) with the guy who would actually become an MVP.
50. The Sydney FC “Bling” Era: Why was the A-League so shiny? Because they were trying to prove that Australian soccer was ready for the big time.
51. The NFL Pro Bowl in Hawaii: Why was it the last “real” one? Because after 2007, the players started treating it more like a vacation and less like a game.
52. The 2007 New Year’s Eve: Why were we looking at 2008? Because the Patriots were 16-0 and heading to the Super Bowl, and we were sure they couldn’t possibly lose to a wildcard team… right?
53. The iPhone Launch: Why did it change sports? Because for the first time, you could check the score of the game while sitting at a wedding without looking like a total jerk (well, almost).