47 Sports Jokes: The 2019 “The Bounce & Tiger’s Roar” Edition

In 2019, the scriptwriters for global sports went into overdrive. A golf legend completed the ultimate redemption arc, a basketball hit the rim four times before changing the geography of the NBA, and a cricket final was decided by the thickness of a blade of grass.

The 2019 Top 10: The “Tiger, Kawhi & Rapinoe” Classics

1. Tiger’s Masters Miracle: Why was the earth shaking in Augusta? Because Tiger Woods won his 15th Major, 11 years after his last one, proving that “never” is just a word Tiger uses to motivate himself for a comeback.
2. Kawhi’s “Four Bounces”: Why did the entire city of Philadelphia go silent for three seconds? Because Kawhi Leonard’s shot hit the rim four times before falling in, sending Toronto to the Finals and proving that physics has a favorite basketball team.
3. The Toronto Raptors Title: Why was “The North” so loud? Because they beat the Warriors’ dynasty to win their first ring, making Kawhi Leonard the first man to be a king in two different countries.
4. Megan Rapinoe’s World Cup: Why was the “pose” everywhere? Because the USWNT dominated France, Rapinoe won the Golden Boot, and she proved that you can win a trophy and a political argument at the same time.
5. The Cricket World Cup Final: Why were the rules so confusing? Because England and New Zealand tied the game, tied the Super Over, and England only won because they hit more boundaries—the sports equivalent of winning a marathon because you had nicer shoes.
6. The St. Louis Blues “Gloria”: Why was a 1980s pop song playing in a hockey locker room? Because the Blues went from last place in January to Stanley Cup champions in June, proving that “The Process” works better with a catchy soundtrack.
7. The Washington Nationals’ World Series: Why did “Baby Shark” become a nightmare for pitchers? Because the Nationals went from 19-31 to champions, winning every single road game in the World Series just to show off.
8. Eliud Kipchoge’s Sub-Two: Why did the clock stop at 1:59:40? Because Kipchoge proved that “No Human Is Limited,” running a marathon faster than most people can drive to work in morning traffic.
9. The Liverpool 4-0 Barcelona: Why did Divock Origi score “taken quickly”? Because Trent Alexander-Arnold took a corner while Barcelona was still busy discussing their dinner plans, completing the greatest Champions League comeback of the decade.
10. The Andy Ruiz Jr. Upset: Why was Anthony Joshua staring at the ceiling? Because a late-replacement fighter who loved Snickers bars knocked out the heavyweight king, proving that you should never judge a boxer by his midsection.

The Full 2019 Sports Jokes Archive

11. The Zion Williamson Shoe Burst: Why did Nike’s stock drop in 30 seconds? Because Zion’s foot exploded through his sneaker in front of Barack Obama, proving that his power is literally “off the charts.”
12. The Zion Williamson Draft: Why was New Orleans so happy? Because they traded Anthony Davis and got a 285-pound human highlight reel who eats rims for breakfast.
13. The Bianca Andreescu US Open: Why was Serena Williams shocked? Because a 19-year-old Canadian showed up in New York and decided she wasn’t intimidated by legends or home crowds.
14. The Virginia Redemption: Why was the 2019 NCAA title so sweet? Because they went from being the first #1 seed to lose to a #16, to being the champions in exactly 365 days.
15. The Patrick Mahomes “MVP” Hangover: Why were the Chiefs still scary? Because Mahomes was throwing passes across his body that made physics professors cry.
16. The Manchester City “Domestic Treble”: Why was Pep Guardiola still not satisfied? Because he won every trophy in England but the Champions League trophy still had “No Entry” signs all over it.
17. The Lamar Jackson MVP Run: Why couldn’t anyone tackle him? Because he was a “quarterback” who ran like a track star and made the entire NFL look like they were playing in slow motion.
18. The Simone Biles “Triple-Double”: Why did they name another move after her? Because she did a landing so difficult that most humans would have turned into a pretzel.
19. The Brooks Koepka PGA Repeat: Why was he so bored? Because he won his fourth Major in two years and made “dominance” look like a chore.
20. The Lakers’ Anthony Davis Trade: Why did LeBron get his wish? Because the Lakers traded their entire future for “The Brow,” proving that “LeGM” always gets his man.
21. The Women’s World Cup “Tea” Celebration: Why were the English fans so mad? Because Alex Morgan scored a goal and pretended to sip tea, the ultimate “polite” insult in sports history.
22. The Jorge Masvidal 5-Second KO: Why did Ben Askren wake up in a different zip code? Because Masvidal landed a flying knee that ended the fight before the referee even finished saying “Go.”
23. The Lewis Hamilton 6th Title: Why was he chasing Schumacher? Because Mercedes built a car so fast that Lewis could have probably won the title while listening to a podcast.
24. The Mike Trout $430 Million Contract: Why was he the richest man in baseball? Because the Angels decided that the “best player ever” was worth enough money to buy the moon.
25. The Rafael Nadal 12th French Open: Why was the clay still red? Because Rafa defended his kingdom in Paris again, making the Roland Garros trophy his personal property.
26. The “Game of Thrones” Starbucks Cup: Why did it affect sports? Because every athlete started checking their sidelines for forgotten lattes.
27. The Antonio Brown “Helmet” Saga: Why was he moving teams every week? Because he couldn’t find a helmet he liked, starting a drama that made reality TV look boring.
28. The Coco Gauff Wimbledon Debut: Why were the adults nervous? Because a 15-year-old beat Venus Williams and proved that the “Next Generation” was arriving way ahead of schedule.
29. The Houston Astros’ “Trash Can” Rumors: Why was the dugout so loud? Because the whispers about “sign-stealing” were starting to turn into a full-blown investigation.
30. The Andy Murray “Hip” Comeback: Why was he crying in Australia? Because we thought he was retiring, but he got a metal hip and won a trophy anyway—the “Iron Man” of Scotland.
31. The Steph Curry “Lonely” Finals: Why was he shooting 40 times? Because KD and Klay were injured, leaving Steph to fight the entire country of Canada by himself.
32. The Megan Rapinoe vs. The White House: Why was the parade so political? Because Megan won the World Cup and the “Golden Microphone” at the same time.
33. The Russell Westbrook to Rockets: Why were the “OKC” fans in shock? Because Russ and Harden reunited, creating a backcourt that needed three basketballs to be happy.
34. The Shane Lowry British Open: Why was Ireland so drunk? Because a local hero won the Claret Jug at Portrush and the celebration lasted approximately until 2020.
35. The Kawhi Leonard “Clippers” Move: Why was it a heist? Because he recruited Paul George and moved to LA in the middle of the night, leaving the Raptors and Lakers in the dust.
36. The Eden Hazard to Real Madrid: Why was Chelsea sad? Because their “Galactico” finally left for Spain, though he apparently brought a lot of Belgian waffles with him.
37. The New England Patriots’ “Last” Title?: Why was Super Bowl LIII so boring? Because the Pats won 13-3 in a defensive struggle that made everyone miss the 1990s.
38. The Giannis Antetokounmpo First MVP: Why was he emotional? Because the “Greek Freak” went from selling sunglasses on the street to being the best basketball player on Earth.
39. The “Storm Area 51” Trend: Why did sports teams join in? Because they wanted to see if they could find some alien talent to help them beat the Warriors.
40. The Christian Yelich vs. Cody Bellinger: Why was the MVP race so tight? Because they were both hitting home runs and catching fly balls like they were playing in a backyard.
41. The Ben Simmons “Three Pointer”: Why was the internet on fire? Because Ben Simmons finally hit a three in a preseason game, the most over-analyzed shot in human history.
42. The Cristiano Ronaldo “700”: Why was he still counting? Because he reached 700 career goals and decided that 800 was his next “warm-up” goal.
43. The Floyd Mayweather vs. Tenshin Nasukawa: Why was Floyd laughing? Because he got paid $9 million to knock out a kickboxer in two minutes while wearing pajamas.
44. The Ash Barty French Open: Why was Australia the tennis capital? Because Ash Barty won in Paris and showed the world that a “slice” and a “smile” can win everything.
45. The Tom Brady “Ending” in Foxboro: Why was the wildcard loss to the Titans so quiet? Because Brady threw a pick-six and we all realized that the “Patriot Way” might finally be over.
46. The World Cup “VAR” Drama: Why were the goals being cancelled? Because a toe was offside in a video room 200 miles away, making every celebration “pending approval.”
47. The Klay Thompson “Iron” Moment: Why did he come back to shoot free throws? Because he tore his ACL but still wanted to help his team, the ultimate “Warrior” move.