52 Adult Jokes: The 2020 “New Normal & Carole Baskin” Edition

In 2020, adult humor moved from the bar to the Zoom Room. If you weren’t joking about your sourdough starter, you were probably wondering if that “cool cat and kitten” Carole Baskin actually fed her husband to a tiger. It was the year of the “You’re on Mute” catchphrase and the realization that we actually hate our coworkers more in 1080p.

The 2020 Top 10: The “Socially Distanced & Unhinged” Jokes

1. The Tiger King Marriage: A guy tells his wife, “I’m like Joe Exotic! I’m a flamboyant tiger owner!” She looks at him and says, “No, Kevin. You’re just a guy who hasn’t shaved in three weeks and you’re currently wearing a leopard-print bathrobe. If you don’t do the dishes, I’m going to start a true crime podcast about your disappearance.”
2. The Zoom Pants Mystery: Why is a 2020 business meeting like a magic show? Because from the waist up, you’re a Professional CEO, but from the waist down, you’re a toddler in sweatpants who hasn’t seen the sun since March.
3. The Toilet Paper Heist: A man walks into a bank with a mask on. The teller is terrified. He whispers, “Relax, it’s just a robbery. I thought you were the guy from the grocery store coming to take back the 48-pack of Charmin I ‘liberated’ this morning.”
4. The Sourdough Obsession: “I’ve named my sourdough starter ‘Yeasty Boys’!” “That’s nice, Brenda. But it’s the only thing in this house getting fed three times a day while I’m living on frozen pizza and despair.”
5. The Netflix “Are You Still Watching?”: “Yes, Netflix, I’m still watching. Stop judging me. I’ve seen every documentary about serial killers and I’m ready to apply their techniques to anyone who asks me ‘what’s for dinner’.”
6. The Social Distancing Logic: “Why are you standing six feet away from me?” “Because the government told me to.” “Kevin, we’re in our own bedroom.” “I’m just a very law-abiding citizen, Martha. Also, you haven’t showered since Tuesday.”
7. The Animal Crossing Escape: “I just paid off my virtual mortgage to a raccoon!” “Great. Can you pay our actual mortgage to the bank? No? Then put the Nintendo Switch down and get back to your ‘essential’ job of sending emails.”
8. The “You’re on Mute” Date: A guy tries to argue with his wife. She just makes a “rectangle” sign with her hands and says, “I can’t hear you, your connection is unstable. Please try again in 2021.”
9. The Peloton Part 2: “I’m doing a 45-minute HIIT ride!” “In your living room?” “Yes, the instructor is yelling at me in German and I’ve never felt more alive or more like I’m about to have a heart attack in front of a mirror.”
10. The Tenet Confusion: “I watched Tenet today.” “Did you understand it?” “No, but I spent two hours walking backwards in the kitchen trying to un-eat the entire box of cookies I finished during the first act.”

The Full 2020 Adult Archive (Items 11–52)

11. The Boredom Level: “I’ve reached the end of the internet.” “What’s there?” “A video of a guy explaining how to organize a junk drawer. I’ve watched it four times. I have no junk drawer left.”
12. The “Essential Worker” Flex: “I’m an essential worker!” “You’re a liquor store clerk, Dave.” “Exactly. Without me, this whole neighborhood would have burned down by April.”
13. The Quarantine Hobby: “I started learning Mandarin!” “How’s it going?” “I can say ‘I’m lonely and I want a cheeseburger’, which is 100% of my current vocabulary anyway.”
14. The WFH Productivity: “I’m working from home!” “Are you busy?” “I’ve spent four hours re-arranging my icons on the desktop so they look like a smiley face. It’s a very high-level strategy.”
15. The Grocery Store Safari: “I’m going to the store. Tell my family I love them.” “You’re just buying milk, Harold. Put on your mask and stop acting like you’re going into a war zone.”
16. The Hamilton Craze: “I’m not throwing away my shot!” “Good, because that’s the only ‘shot’ you’re getting until the vaccine comes out in 14 months.”
17. The Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: “Very nice! I have a new suit!” “No, Dave. That’s just a hazmat suit you bought on eBay. It doesn’t make you funny, it just makes you sweat.”
18. The Queen’s Gambit Effect: “I’m a chess prodigy now!” “You just lost to a computer on ‘Easy’ mode while drinking a martini. Sit down, Anya Taylor-Joy.”
19. The Parasite Winning Oscar: “A movie about people hiding in a basement won Best Picture!” “Finally, some representation for all of us in 2020.”
20. The 17-Day Vacation: “Remember when we thought this would only last two weeks?” “Yeah, that was 4,000 sourdough loaves ago. I miss people.”
21. The Cyberpunk 2077 Launch: “The graphics are amazing!” “Why is that guy’s head floating in the air?” “It’s a feature, not a bug! Just like my ‘glitchy’ social life.”
22. The Discovery of Water on the Moon: “They found water on the moon!” “Great. Can they find some disinfectant wipes on Earth? Because that would be a real discovery.”
23. The Wonder Woman 1984: “I wish for world peace!” “I wish for a theatre that’s actually open so I don’t have to watch this on my laptop while you’re vacuuming.”
24. The Fall Guys Addiction: “I’m a little jellybean running through an obstacle course!” “In 2020, this is the only physical activity we have left.”
25. The Zoom Background: “I’m in a tropical paradise!” “No, Dave. We can see the dirty laundry peeking through the edges of your green screen.”
26. The TikTok Dance Dad: “Look, I’m doing the Renegade!” “You’re dislocating your shoulder, Kevin. Stop trying to impress the teenagers on the internet.”
27. The iPhone 12: “It doesn’t come with a charger!” “Why?” “To save the environment.” “In 2020, the only thing being ‘saved’ is the Apple profit margin.”
28. The Flight to Nowhere: “I bought a ticket on a flight that just circles the airport!” “Why?” “I just want to sit in a cramped seat and eat a tiny bag of peanuts so I can feel something again.”
29. The Mulan Remake: “It’s $30 to watch this on Disney+?” “For that price, Mulan better come to my house and do the dishes personally.”
30. The Murder Hornets: “Now there are giant hornets that kill people?” “In 2020, this is just the ‘Bonus Level’ of the apocalypse. Bring it on.”
31. The Invisible Man: “He’s right there, but you can’t see him!” “Just like my motivation to do any work on a Friday afternoon.”
32. The 2020 Gender Reveal: “It’s a boy! And also, the entire forest is on fire.” “A classic 2020 celebration.”
33. The Quibi Failure: “I’m watching a 5-minute show on my phone!” “And… it’s gone.” “Just like the $1.7 billion they spent on it. Poof.”
34. The Grey’s Anatomy Quarantine: “They’re doing a COVID season!” “Great, because the one thing I want to see after a day of being trapped inside is people being trapped inside on TV.”
35. The WFH Yoga: “I’m doing ‘Downward Dog’ during the conference call!” “Is your camera off?” “I… don’t know.”
36. The Enola Holmes: “I’m a brilliant detective!” “Then detect where the smell in the fridge is coming from, Sherlock.”
37. The 2020 Calendar: “My January was great, my February was okay, and then March lasted for 47 years.”
38. The Sonic the Hedgehog: “They fixed his teeth!” “Great. Now if only they could fix the global supply chain so I can get a new desk chair.”
39. The Love is Blind: “I’m getting married to someone I’ve never seen!” “In 2020, that’s just a standard first date on an app.”
40. The Birds of Prey: “I’m having a post-breakup sandwich!” “You’ve had six sandwiches today, Harley. It’s not a plot point, it’s just a snack problem.”
41. The Emily in Paris: “I’m living a chic life in France!” “You’re wearing a beret in a Starbucks and everyone is making fun of you. It’s very realistic.”
42. The WFH Nap: “I’m ‘ideating’ with my eyes closed.” “You’re snoring, Kevin. I can hear you through the wall.”
43. The 2020 Anniversary: “What did you get me?” “A bottle of hand sanitizer and a promise not to talk to you for two hours. It’s the ‘Diamond’ gift of the pandemic.”
44. The Cobra Kai: “Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy!” “Is that your plan for the Black Friday sales?”
45. The Netflix “Too Hot To Handle”: “They’re not allowed to touch each other!” “So it’s a show about my marriage since the lockdown started? Very relatable.”
46. The Zoom Wardrobe: “I’m wearing a tuxedo shirt and sweatpants.” “The ‘2020 Tuxedo’. Very dapper.”
47. The Trial of the Chicago 7: “I’m standing up for my rights!” “The right to order wings at 11 PM? Because that’s the only ‘movement’ you’re part of.”
48. The 2020 Haircut: “I cut my own hair with kitchen scissors!” “We can tell, Dave. You look like a badly groomed poodle.”
49. The Disney+ Soul: “What makes life worth living?” “In 2020? High-speed internet and a functional delivery app. Everything else is secondary.”
50. The Among Us Murder: “Yellow is sus!” “No, I was in the MedBay doing tasks!” “You were in the kitchen eating the last of the cheese, we saw you on the security camera.”
51. The 2020 Exit: “Why was 2020 so long?” “Because it was the year we realized that ‘Home Sweet Home’ is only sweet for the first three months. After that, it’s a prison.”
52. The New Year’s 2021 Resolution: “My resolution is to put on a pair of jeans with a button… at least once a month.”