50 Travel Jokes: The 1998 “Search & Survival” Edition

In 1998, traveling felt like the future was finally arriving—mostly because we could finally “Search” for things. You were still wearing cargo pants with too many pockets, but now you had a clunky USB drive and a fear that the millennium bug was coming for your frequent flyer miles.

The 1998 Top 10: The “Dot-Com Boom” Classics

1. The Google Birth: Why did the traveler get lost? Because he tried to “Google” his hotel, but the search engine was so new it just replied: “Did you mean: ‘A place to sleep’?”
2. The Armageddon Fear: Why was the passenger staring out the window? He’d seen Armageddon in the theater and was convinced every passing bird was a world-ending asteroid.
3. The iMac Traveler: Why did the guy bring his computer to the airport? Because he just bought a translucent blue iMac and wanted everyone to see his “portable” 40-pound machine.
4. The Furby Frenzy: Why did security detain the suitcase? Because a Furby started speaking “Furbish” inside the bag, and the guard thought it was an alien communicating with the mothership.
5. The Y2K Panic: Why was the man booking a flight for December 1998? He wanted to make sure he was back home a full year before the clocks hit 00 and all the planes turned back into pumpkins.
6. The Big Lebowski: Why did the backpacker look so relaxed? He was traveling in a bathrobe and flip-flops, telling the check-in agent, “The Dude abides, even in Coach.”
7. The USB Revolution: Why was the businessman confused? He bought a new “USB drive” and spent his entire flight trying to find a hole in his paper ticket to plug it in.
8. The Titanic Video: Why was the flight so emotional? Because the in-flight movie was Titanic for the 10th month in a row, and even the pilots were crying over Jack.
9. The Game Boy Color: Why were the kids finally happy? Because they could finally see Pikachu in “Full Color” (which was mostly just four shades of radioactive green).
10. The Britney Effect: Why were all the school groups dressed the same? Because …Baby One More Time just dropped, and every airport terminal looked like a music video set.

The Full 1998 Travel Archive

11. The Euro Fever: Why was the traveler confused in Paris? Everyone was talking about the “Euro” coming next year, and he thought it was a new type of sandwich.
12. The MP3 Player: Why was the passenger smug? He had a brand new MP3 player that could hold exactly 10 songs in terrible quality, and he felt like a digital god.
13. The Windows 98: Why was the airport kiosk frozen? Because it was running Windows 98 and someone tried to move the mouse too fast.
14. The Nokia 5110: Why did the traveler love his phone? Not for the calls, but because he finally reached a score of 2000 on Snake while waiting for his bags.
15. The Harry Potter Hype: Why were travelers so distracted? They were reading The Chamber of Secrets and kept running into airport pillars trying to find Platform 9 ¾.
16. The Sex and the City: Why did the four women go to Paris? Because the show just started, and they realized that complaining about men is better with a view of the Eiffel Tower.
17. The Digital Camera Disk: Why was the tourist annoyed? His Sony Mavica digital camera saved photos onto floppy disks, and he had to carry 400 disks for one weekend in Rome.
18. The French World Cup: Why was Paris so crowded? Because France won the World Cup and every taxi driver was too busy celebrating to actually take anyone to the airport.
19. The Saving Private Ryan: Why was the veteran crying? He watched the movie on the flight and realized his seat in Row 34 was more cramped than a Higgins boat at Omaha Beach.
20. The PalmPilot III: Why was the businessman tapping his screen? He was “beaming” his business card to another traveler via infrared, which took 5 minutes of holding their devices perfectly still.
21. The Starbucks Expansion: Why did the traveler feel safe? Because no matter where he went in 1998, a Starbucks appeared every 40 feet like a caffeinated mirage.
22. The Cargo Pocket Mystery: Why did the man miss his flight? He lost his passport in his own pants. It was in the 12th pocket near his left ankle.
23. The Godzilla Movie: Why were people scared of NYC? Because the 1998 movie made them think a giant lizard was going to step on their hotel before check-out.
24. The Dreamcast News: Why was the gamer excited? He heard about the Sega Dreamcast and spent his flight imagining 128-bit graphics instead of the blurry clouds outside.
25. The Airline Food: Why did the passenger eat the mystery meat? Because in 1998, we still had hope that “Airline Beef” was a real biological category.
26. The Payphone Line: Why was the traveler waiting? Because there were 50 people in line for the one payphone that actually accepted credit cards.
27. The Disposable Camera Flash: Why was the party angry? Because the tourist used his last “disposable” shot in a dark cave without turning the flash on.
28. The Rollerblade Tour: Why was the guy sweating? He tried to “Blade” through the Heathrow terminal and realized that carpet and 80mm wheels don’t mix.
29. The Cher Song: Why was the flight so weird? Because Believe was playing, and everyone was trying to sing with an “Auto-Tune” voice.
30. The Hotel Key: Why did it stop working? Because the guest put it in the same pocket as his pager, and the magnetic field wiped out his vacation.
31. The SkyMall Catalog: Why did the lady buy a “Garden Yeti”? Because she was bored on a 6-hour flight and the 1998 catalog made a 6-foot statue feel like a “travel essential.”
32. The Baggage Carousel: Why was the man staring at a black box? Because in 1998, “personalized luggage” meant tying a dirty piece of yarn to the handle.
33. The Gateway 2000: Why was the suitcase so boxy? The traveler was actually shipping his cow-spotted Gateway computer box back home.
34. The AOL “You’ve Got Mail”: Why did the traveler run to the cyber-café? He heard the voice in his head and had to see if his crush sent him a 2kb message.
35. The Bug Spray: Why did the backpacker smell like a chemical plant? He heard about “West Nile Virus” and decided to marinate himself in DEET.
36. The Low-Rise Jeans: Why was the passenger uncomfortable? Because she was wearing the new “Low-Rise” jeans and couldn’t sit down without exposing her entire lower back to the cabin.
37. The Discman Anti-Skip: Why was the boy jumping? He wanted to test if his new “40-second anti-skip” actually worked during turbulence. (It didn’t).
38. The Travel Agent’s Fax: Why was the room not ready? Because the fax with the confirmation got stuck behind the machine in a pile of 1997 brochures.
39. The Truman Show: Why was the tourist paranoid? He spent his whole trip looking for hidden cameras in the hotel’s “Free Continental Breakfast” fruit bowl.
40. The In-Flight Smoking: Why was the air so clear? Because 1998 was one of the first years we realized that “Non-Smoking” shouldn’t smell like a Vegas casino.
41. The Passport Stamp: Why was the traveler sad? Because the EU was making everything too easy and his passport was starting to look empty.
42. The Half-Life Game: Why was the teenager obsessed? He spent his flight drawing maps of “Black Mesa” instead of looking at the Grand Canyon.
43. The Travel Pillow: Why did it pop? Because the traveler bought the cheapest inflatable U-shaped pillow and the cabin pressure had other plans for it.
44. The Duty Free Toblerone: Why was it so big? Because in 1998, we measured the success of a trip by the weight of the giant chocolate bar we brought home.
45. The Seat Recline: Why did the fight break out? Because 1998 was the year we officially ran out of “social contract” space in Economy.
46. The Video Rental: Why was the traveler worried? He forgot to “Be Kind, Rewind” the tape before leaving for a 2-week vacation, and the late fees were accruing.
47. The Tamagotchi Graveyard: Why was the girl crying in Terminal 4? Because she wasn’t allowed to use electronics during takeoff and her digital pet “departed” forever.
48. The Laptop Battery: Why did the man look for an outlet? Because his laptop battery lasted exactly 14 minutes if he opened a Word document.
49. The Currency Exchange: Why was the traveler broke? He exchanged his money at a kiosk that charged a 25% “Because You’re a Tourist” fee.
50. The New Year’s Eve: Why were people staying home? Because they wanted to be near their computers to see if the world actually ended when the clock hit 1999.