44 Original Dad Jokes: The 2012 “End of the World” Edition

In 2012, everyone was checking their Mayan calendars and wondering if the world would really end in December. While the kids were busy doing the invisible horse dance to Psy or watching the first Avengers movie, dads were leaning into the “apocalypse” theme with their puns. This is the definitive collection of 2012 humor—jokes that survived the “end of the world” just to make you groan one more time.

The 2012 Top 10: Golden Classics

The Mayan Calendar: Why was the dad so happy on December 21st, 2012? Because he finally had an excuse not to finish the Christmas shopping.
The Gangnam Style: Why did the dad start dancing in the stable? He heard it was “Gangnam Style” and he wanted to be the “neigh”-bor of the year.
The Curiosity Rover: Why did the dad put a “Curiosity” sticker on his lawnmower? He wanted to explore the “Red Planet” (the patch of dead grass in the backyard).
The Avengers: Why did the dad bring a hammer to the theater? He wanted to “Thor-oughly” enjoy the movie.
The Instagram Filters: Why did the dad try to put a “Valencia” filter on his actual glasses? He wanted to see his life through “rose-tinted” lenses.
The London Olympics: Why did the dad bring a tea bag to the 100m sprint? He wanted to see a “fast brew.”
The iPad Mini: Why did the dad buy the tiny tablet? He wanted to have a “mini-mal” amount of chores.
The Hunger Games: Why did the dad love The Hunger Games? Because he feels like he’s in them every time he waits for dinner to be ready.
The Skyfall: Why did the dad bring an umbrella to the Bond movie? He heard the “Sky-was-falling.”
The Facebook IPO: Why did the dad try to buy “shares” of his own garden? He heard social networks were going public.

The Full 2012 Archive (Extended List)

The Brave Broom: Why did the broom go to the party? It wanted to sweep everyone off their feet.
The Little Bee: What do you call a bee that’s a professional singer? A “hum-singer.”
The Skateboard: Why did the skateboard go to the bank? To get some “balance” in its account.
The Ghost’s Diet: Why do ghosts love diet soda? Because they want to stay “transparent.”
The Empty Wallet: Why is my wallet like a library? People only visit it to “borrow” things.
The Broken Fence: Why did the dad talk to the fence? He wanted to have a “gate” conversation.
The Brave Sandwich: Why did the sandwich go to the gym? To get some “shredded” lettuce.
The Little Ant: What do you call an ant that’s a doctor? An “ant-i-dote.”
The Scared Ghost: Why did the ghost join the police? He wanted to work on “cold” cases.
The Little Cloud: Why was the cloud so happy? It was “mist” in love.
The Scared Snake: What do you call a snake that’s a designer? A “boa” constructor.
The Little Ant: What do you call an ant that’s 100 years old? An “anti-que.”
The Scared Elephant: Why do elephants never use computers? Because they’re afraid of the “mouse.”
The Little Pig: What do you call a pig that’s a genius? “Ham-stein.”
The Scared Bird: Why did the penguin go to the bank? To “freeze” his assets.
The Little Frog: What do you call a frog that’s a pilot? A “fly-catcher.”
The Scared Spider: Why did the spider join the circus? He was a “web-obat.”
The Little Dog: What do you call a dog that’s a scientist? A “Beagle” assistant.
The Scared Tree: Why did the oak tree go to the dentist? It needed a “root” canal.
The Little Mountain: What do you call a hill that’s a comedian? “Hill-arious.”
The Scared Computer: Why did the computer go to the tailor? To fix its “hard-wear.”
The Little Star: Why did the moon go to the party? It was “beaming” with pride.
The Scared Road: Why was the highway so stressed? It had too many “pave-ment” issues.
The Little Ant: What do you call an ant that’s a scientist? An “ant-alyst.”
The Scared Ghost: What’s a ghost’s favorite food? “Soul” food.
The Little Cloud: Why did the cloud get a promotion? Because it was “cirrus-ly” talented.
The Scared Spider: Why did the spider go to the gym? To work on its “web” strength.
The Little Dog: What do you call a dog that’s a detective? “Sherlock Bones.”
The Scared Elephant: Why do elephants have trunks? Because they don’t have “glove compartments.”
The Little Pig: What do you call a pig that’s a baker? A “pie-thon.”
The Scared Bird: Why did the owl get fired? He didn’t “whoo” the boss.
The Bank Vault: Why did the dad bring a pillow to the bank? He wanted to “rest” his account.
The Coffee Bean: Why was the coffee bean so tired? It was “roasted” all day.
The Mayan Calendar: Why did the dad stop looking at the calendar in 2012? He said he was “out of time” for bad jokes.