39 Fourth of July Jokes: The 2012 “Avengers & Apocalypse” Edition

In 2012, Independence Day was a “Global Phenomenon.” We were all waiting for the Mayan Apocalypse in December, so we treated the 4th of July like it was our last chance to eat a burger. It was the year of the London Olympics, the rise of the “Hunger Games” fandom, and the realization that a South Korean pop star could break the internet with a horse-riding dance.

The 2012 Independence Top 10: “Mayans & Mutants”

1. The Avengers Assemble: Why was the 2012 BBQ so “Super”? Because after the movie came out, every Dad at the grill thought he was Captain America, but with a spatula instead of a shield.
2. The “Gangnam Style” Fever: Why was the 2012 parade so weird? Because Psy convinced everyone that “invisible horse riding” was a valid form of patriotic celebration.
3. The Mayan Calendar Panic: Why was the 2012 firework show so expensive? Because we all thought the world was ending in December, so we spent our life savings on the “Grand Finale” just in case.
4. The Hunger Games Influence: Why was the 4th of July so competitive? Because Jennifer Lawrence made “Volunteering as tribute” the only way to decide who had to go buy more ice.
5. The “Call Me Maybe” Loop: Why was the 2012 party so indecisive? Because Carly Rae Jepsen gave everyone her number, and we spent the whole BBQ wondering if she’d actually call.
6. The London Olympics Hype: Why was the pool party so “Centennial”? Because we were all practicing our “Usain Bolt pose” every time we jumped into the water.
7. The The Dark Knight Rises: Why was the host so muffled? Because he spent the whole BBQ doing a Bane impression: “Ah, you think the charcoal is your ally? You merely adopted the grill.”
8. The “Somebody That I Used to Know” Vibe: Why was the 4th so “Artistic”? Because Gotye made us all want to paint ourselves like a geometric wall and sing about our exes.
9. The iPhone 5 Launch Hype: Why was everyone staring at their pockets? Because we were all waiting for a phone that was exactly 0.5 inches taller, believing it would change our lives forever.
10. The Magic Mike Effect: Why were the Uncles acting so confident? Because the movie made them believe that “backyard dancing” was a professional career path (it wasn’t).

The Full 2012 Fourth of July Archive

11. The “Starships” Nicki Minaj: Why was the 4th so “Intergalactic”? Because Nicki told us that starships were meant to fly, even if our bottle rockets only made it to the neighbor’s roof.
12. The Brave Merida Curls: Why was the BBQ so “Wild”? Because every girl with a ginger wig and a plastic bow thought she was a Scottish princess defending her clan’s potato salad.
13. The “We Are Young” Fun.: Why was the 4th so “Luminous”? Because we all wanted to “set the world on fire,” which is a terrible idea when you’re surrounded by dry grass and gunpowder.
14. The The Amazing Spider-Man (Reboot): Why was the 4th so “Familiar”? Because we were watching Peter Parker’s uncle die for the second time in 10 years, making the BBQ feel like a Groundhog Day event.
15. The “What Makes You Beautiful” One Direction: Why was the 2012 party so “Boy Band”? Because 1D arrived to tell every girl at the BBQ that her “shyness” was actually a superpower.
16. The Prometheus Mystery: Why was the Dad so confused? Because he just saw the Alien prequel and spent the whole picnic trying to figure out who the “Engineers” were and why they hated us.
17. The “Titanium” David Guetta & Sia: Why was the 4th so “Indestructible”? Because Sia told us she was Titanium, making us feel brave enough to try the “Extra Spicy” wings.
18. The Ted Talking Bear: Why was the teddy bear at the BBQ so rude? Because Seth MacFarlane made us realize that our childhood toys probably had very colorful vocabularies.
19. The “Glad You Came” The Wanted: Why was the host so appreciative? Because the radio told them to be “glad you came” every 10 minutes, even if you forgot to bring the napkins.
20. The Men in Black 3: Why was the 4th so “Time-Travely”? Because Will Smith went back to the 60s, and we all realized that Josh Brolin does a better Tommy Lee Jones than Tommy Lee Jones.
21. The “Payphone” Maroon 5: Why was Adam Levine so “outdated”? Because he was singing about a payphone in 2012, and the kids at the BBQ didn’t even know what a dial tone was.
22. The Ice Age: Continental Drift: Why was the 4th so “Divided”? Because Scrat finally broke the world apart, which was a great metaphor for how the family felt about the “Charcoal vs. Gas” debate.
23. The “Where Have You Been” Rihanna: Why was the 4th so “Electronic”? Because Rihanna’s beat was so heavy it actually made the coleslaw vibrate.
24. The Skyfall Teasers: Why was the Dad acting like a spy (again)? Because Adele’s theme song made “pouring a glass of water” feel like a high-stakes mission for MI6.
25. The “Boyfriend” Justin Bieber: Why was the 4th so “Swag”? Because the Bieb turned 18 and decided that “chillin’ by the fire” was the only way to be a boyfriend.
26. The Snow White and the Huntsman: Why was the 4th so “Gothic”? Because Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth turned a fairy tale into a muddy war movie, making the backyard feel very intense.
27. The “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You)”: Why was Kelly Clarkson so resilient? Because she reminded us that eating a slightly undercooked burger only makes you stronger (or gives you a stomach ache).
28. The Hotel Transylvania: Why were the monsters so “Family-Friendly”? Because Adam Sandler turned Dracula into a stressed-out Dad, which was the most relatable thing of 2012.
29. The “Whistle” Flo Rida: Why was everyone practicing their “Whistle”? Because Flo Rida taught us that you just have to “put your lips together and blow,” which is also how you handle a firework that won’t light.
30. The Wreck-It Ralph Teasers: Why were we nice to the “Bad Guys”? Because Disney made us realize that even a video game villain just wants a medal and some friends.
31. The “Lights” Ellie Goulding: Why were the fireworks so “Synth-Pop”? Because Ellie’s voice made every sparkler look like a magical beacon in a dark forest.
32. The Battleship Movie: Why were we playing board games? Because Rihanna and Liam Neeson proved that even a simple plastic game could be turned into a $200 million explosion-fest.
33. The “I Won’t Give Up” Jason Mraz: Why was the 4th so “Determined”? Because Jason Mraz was “still looking at the stars,” even after the smoke from the BBQ blinded him.
34. The The Lorax: Why were the trees talking? Because Danny DeVito told us that unless someone like us cares a whole awful lot, the BBQ won’t get any better.
35. The “Feel So Close” Calvin Harris: Why was the 2012 BBQ so “Summer Anthem”? Because Calvin Harris made “standing next to a person” sound like a spiritual experience.
36. The Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: Why was the 16th President holding an axe? Because 2012 was the year history got weird, and we all accepted that “Honest Abe” had a side hustle in monster slaying.
37. The “Blow Me (One Last Kiss)”: Why was P!nk so “Aggressive”? Because she provided the perfect “walking away from a bad firework” soundtrack.
38. The Step Up Revolution: Why was there a flash mob in the driveway? Because the movie made us think that “protest-dancing” was the best way to ask the city for a better parade.
39. The 2012 Final Vibe: Why was it a “Legendary” 4th? Because we survived the Mayan fear, saw the Avengers unite, and danced the Gangnam Style until our knees gave out—realizing that even if the world did end, at least we had a good BBQ first.