36 Politicians Jokes: The 2005 “YouTube & Yellow Raincoats” Edition

In 2005, the world became a video. It was the year of “Me at the zoo” (the first YouTube upload), the year a hurricane exposed the cracks in the world’s superpower, and the year the Vatican saw white smoke for a new, very academic Pope.

The 2005 Top 10: “Catastrophes & Change”

1. Hurricane Katrina: Why was the government’s response like a dial-up connection? Because by the time it finally “connected,” the whole house was already underwater.
2. “Heckuva job, Brownie”: Why is this the most famous line of 2005? Because George W. Bush proved that the best way to get a pink slip in private business is to get a “gold star” from the President during a national disaster.
3. The Launch of YouTube: Why were politicians terrified of 2005? Because for the first time, their “private” gaffes could be watched by millions of people between a video of a sneezing panda and a guy falling off a skateboard.
4. Angela Merkel becomes Chancellor: Why was Germany’s election so historic? Because they finally found a leader who was more pragmatic than a Swiss watch and could outlast every other world leader just by being the calmest person in the room.
5. The Death of Pope John Paul II: Why was the world so quiet in April? Because even the most cynical politicians realized that a man who helped topple the Iron Curtain was much harder to replace than a Prime Minister.
6. The 7/7 London Bombings: Why was Tony Blair so grim in July? Because just as London was celebrating winning the 2012 Olympics, reality reminded everyone that the “War on Terror” didn’t care about gold medals.
7. The Trial of Saddam Hussein: Why was it the weirdest TV show of 2005? Because Saddam spent the whole time arguing with the judge like he was trying to return a defective toaster, rather than facing a war crimes tribunal.
8. The Live 8 Concerts: Why were world leaders annoyed by Bob Geldof? Because it’s hard to have a serious meeting about debt relief when 2 billion people are watching U2 tell you to “Make Poverty History” on live TV.
9. The G8 Summit in Gleneagles: Why were they meeting in Scotland? To prove that the world’s most powerful people can solve global warming while surrounded by enough golf courses to cover a small country.
10. The Gaza Disengagement: Why was Ariel Sharon crying? Because he had to send Israeli soldiers to remove Israeli settlers, proving that in 2005, the hardest part of being a “Bulldozer” was moving your own team.

The Full 2005 Politicians Jokes Archive

11. Tony Blair’s Third Term: Why did Tony win again in May? Because the British public looked at the alternative and decided that “familiar disappointment” was better than “unknown chaos.”
12. The EU Constitution Fails: Why did France and the Netherlands vote “No”? Because they realized the “Constitution” was 500 pages of legalese that basically said: “Trust us, we’re from Brussels.”
13. The Launch of the Xbox 360: Why did Congress care? Because they were worried “Grand Theft Auto” was teaching kids how to be politicians—minus the campaign fundraising.
14. Condoleezza Rice as Secretary of State: Why was she the star of 2005? Because she managed to visit every country on Earth while wearing boots that made her look like she was ready to either sign a treaty or lead a cavalry charge.
15. The Civil Wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla: Why did it take so long? Because when you’re the future King, your “Save the Date” cards have to be approved by the Archbishop, the Queen, and about 300 years of tradition.
16. Tom Cruise on the Couch: Why did politicians love this? Because for one week, Oprah’s couch was more controversial than the federal budget.
17. The Kyoto Protocol goes into effect: Why was the U.S. missing from the party? Because in 2005, the White House still thought “Greenhouse Gases” were something you only worried about if you owned a literal greenhouse.
18. The Death of Rosa Parks: Why did she lie in honor at the Capitol? To remind politicians that sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is stay exactly where you are and say “No.”
19. The Roberts and Alito Appointments: Why was the Supreme Court getting a makeover? Because Bush wanted to make sure his legacy would still be making decisions in 2035.
20. The Iraqi Elections (January): Why were people showing off purple fingers? To prove that they had voted in the first free election, and that “ink” was the new symbol of defiance.
21. The Airbus A380 First Flight: Why did politicians love the giant plane? Because it was the only thing in 2005 that could fit a whole delegation’s ego in the first-class lounge.
22. The “Plamegate” Scandal: Why was Scooter Libby in trouble? Because in Washington, “leaking” a name is a crime, but “forgetting” that you leaked it is an art form.
23. The Cedar Revolution in Lebanon: Why did the Syrian troops leave? Because the Lebanese people realized that if you have enough protesters in the square, even an occupying army starts to feel like an unwanted house guest.
24. The Million Family March: Why was D.C. crowded again? Because Louis Farrakhan wanted to remind everyone that 10 years after the first march, the “family” still had a lot of questions for the government.
25. The New Iraqi Constitution: Why was it so hard to write? Because trying to get Sunnis, Shias, and Kurds to agree on a single document is like trying to order one pizza for 25 million people with different allergies.
26. The London 2012 Win: Why was Jacques Chirac grumpy? Because he said British food was the second worst in Europe, and 24 hours later, London took the Olympics right out of Paris’s hands.
27. The Bird Flu Scare (H5N1): Why were politicians talking about chickens? Because they were afraid the “Avian Flu” would do to the world economy what Katrina did to New Orleans.
28. The Google Maps Launch: Why was this a political game-changer? Because now everyone could see that the “secret” military base in their neighborhood was actually just a very large parking lot.
29. The Resignation of David Blunkett: Why did the UK Home Secretary quit (again)? Because he proved that in politics, “fast-tracking” a visa for your lover’s nanny is the quickest way to find yourself on the slow track to unemployment.
30. The Death of Hunter S. Thompson: Why did politicians breathe a sigh of relief? Because the man who invented “Gonzo” journalism was no longer there to describe them as “swine.”
31. The Howard University Graduation: Why was Oprah the guest of honor? Because she was the only person in 2005 who had a higher approval rating than the entire U.S. Congress combined.
32. The “War on Christmas”: Why did this start in 2005? Because cable news realized that arguing about “Happy Holidays” vs. “Merry Christmas” was a great way to fill the time between actual news.
33. The Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Election: Why was Iran’s new President so scary to the West? Because he had a jacket from the 70s and a nuclear ambition from the future.
34. The Wikipedia “Seigenthaler” Incident: Why did politicians start checking their own bios? Because they realized that anyone with a keyboard could change their “Achievements” section to “Criminal Record” in five seconds.
35. The 10th Anniversary of the Dayton Agreement: Why was it a somber celebration? To remind everyone that “peace” in the Balkans was still a work in progress, held together by hope and international observers.
36. The Final 2005 Political Vibe: Why was it the “Year of Vulnerability”? Because between the hurricanes, the viruses, and the new cameras everywhere, world leaders realized they couldn’t hide—and they couldn’t control the weather.