35 Presidential Jokes: The 2010 “Shellacking & Social Media” Edition

In 2010, the “Change” became very real, and for the White House, very complicated. It was the year of the 2,000-page health care bill, the year the Gulf of Mexico turned black, and the year the “Tea Party” decided that the best way to fix Washington was to send everyone home.

The 2010 Executive Top 10: “Healthcare & High Tides”

1. The “Shellacking” Speech: Why did Obama call the midterm results a “Shellacking”? Because “Getting hit by a political freight train” was too long for a headline, and “Ouch” was too short.
2. The Affordable Care Act Signing: Why was the 2010 health care bill so thick? Because it needed to be heavy enough to hold down the expectations of everyone who thought insurance would become free overnight.
3. The Deepwater Horizon Spill: Why was the President so angry at BP? Because “Plug the hole” was the only thing on his to-do list for three months, and he couldn’t find a “Veto” button for an oil leak.
4. The iPad Launch: Why did politicians love the first iPad? Because it was the first time they could look at their falling poll numbers on a beautiful 9.7-inch screen while pretending to read a briefing.
5. The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Repeal: Why did it happen in 2010? Because the Pentagon finally realized that a soldier’s ability to use a GPS was more important than who they were texting after the mission.
6. The Tea Party Movement: Why were they so loud in 2010? Because they realized that if you wear a tricorn hat and carry a sign, the news cameras will treat you like a Founding Father instead of a guy who’s just mad about his taxes.
7. The Citizens United Verdict: Why did the Supreme Court allow corporations to spend unlimited money? Because in 2010, the Court decided that a “Giant Corporation” is basically just a very large, very rich person with no pulse and a lot of opinions.
8. The WikiLeaks Megaleak: Why was the State Department so nervous? Because Julian Assange turned “Top Secret Diplomacy” into a “Spoiler Alert” for the entire world.
9. The “Big Fing Deal” Quote:* Why was Joe Biden’s hot mic moment so famous? Because it was the most honest three seconds of the entire 2010 legislative session.
10. The Chilean Miners Rescue: Why did the White House watch it so closely? Because it was the only time in 2010 that people trapped in a deep, dark hole actually managed to get out.

The Full 2010 Presidential Jokes Archive

11. The Inception Premiere: Why did the Cabinet love the movie? Because they spent the whole year trying to plant the idea of “Economic Growth” into a public that was having a nightmare about unemployment.
12. The “Recovery Summer”: Why was it called that? Because the White House hoped that if they said “Recovery” enough times, the economy would get embarrassed and start growing again.
13. The Scott Brown Victory: Why did a Republican win Ted Kennedy’s seat? To prove that in 2010, a guy in a truck could drive right through the Democrats’ 60-vote majority.
14. The Instagram Launch: Why did the President ignore it at first? Because he didn’t think a “Lo-Fi filter” could make a budget deficit look any more attractive.
15. The Arizona Immigration Law (SB 1070): Why was the DOJ suing? To prove that in 2010, the only thing more complicated than the border was the paperwork required to talk about it.
16. The “You Can Keep Your Plan” Promise: Why was this the quote of the year? Because in 2010, “Keeping your plan” was about as likely as “Keeping your New Year’s resolution” past February.
17. The Iron Man 2 Release: Why did D.C. relate? Because Tony Stark trying to manage a “Global Security Shield” while being grilled by a Senate committee was basically a documentary.
18. The Dodd-Frank Reform: Why was the Wall Street bill so long? Because it takes 2,300 pages to explain to a banker that they shouldn’t gamble with money that isn’t theirs.
19. The Angry Birds Craze: Why was it popular in the West Wing? Because “Launching birds at pigs to get your eggs back” was a great metaphor for the 2010 midterm strategy.
20. The LeBron “The Decision” Special: Why was the White House annoyed? Because even the President thought that taking 30 minutes to announce a job change was a bit much—and he’s a politician.
21. The Old Spice “Man Your Man Could Smell Like” Ad: Why did the GOP study this? To see if they could make their candidates look that good while standing on a horse.
22. The Russian Spy Swap: Why did we give back Anna Chapman? Because in 2010, the U.S. decided that “Glamorous Spies” were less useful than “Actual Information.”
23. The “Slurpee” Quote: Why did Obama say Republicans were sitting on the sidelines sipping Slurpees? Because it’s the only drink that’s as cold as the bipartisan cooperation in 2010.
24. The 31-Country “Open Skies” Treaty: Why did Bush and Obama both like it? Because “Watching each other from planes” is the only form of trust left in global politics.
25. The Toy Story 3 Premiere: Why did it make grown men cry? Because they realized that like Andy’s toys, their 2008 campaign buttons were being moved to the attic.
26. The “Lame Duck” Session: Why was it so productive? Because Congress realized they only work well when half of them have already been fired.
27. The Bitcoin “Pizza” Transaction: Why was the 2010 purchase of a pizza for 10,000 BTC famous? Because it was the only thing more inflated than the 2010 government spending.
28. The Social Network Movie: Why was the White House wary? Because a movie about “Betraying your friends to get more friends” felt a little too much like a primary season.
29. The Ending of Combat Operations in Iraq: Why was the 2010 announcement so quiet? Because after seven years, the word “Ending” had lost its meaning to everyone except the families.
30. The First “iPad” News Anchor: Why did the media change? Because in 2010, reading the news from a tablet made you look “Innovative” instead of just “Unprepared.”
31. The Despicable Me Premiere: Why did the President like Gru? Because Gru was a “Villain” who actually had a plan that worked—unlike most of the 2010 Congress.
32. The “Stand by Your Ad” Rule: Why did politicians hate it? Because it’s much harder to attack someone when you have to end the commercial by saying, “I’m Bob, and I actually paid for this mess.”
33. The 20-Cent Gas Hike: Why were people grumbling? Because in 2010, “Economic Recovery” felt like a slow walk to a gas station that was always five miles away.
34. The Lady Gaga Meat Dress: Why was it a 2010 highlight? Because it was the only thing more difficult to “digest” than the 2010 tax code.
35. The Final 2010 Vibe: Why was it “Tough”? Because we ended the year with a new “Tea Party” Congress, a “Shellacked” President, and the realization that the 2012 election had already started.