34 Presidential Jokes: The 2017 “Alternative Facts & Covfefe” Edition

In 2017, the American Presidency moved from the “Hope” era to the “Unfiltered” era. It was the year of the largest inaugural crowds (depending on who you asked), the year we learned that foreign policy could be conducted in 280 characters, and the year the “Resistance” met the “MAGA” momentum head-on.

The 2017 Executive Top 10: “Inaugurations & Ink”

1. The “Alternative Facts” Briefing: Why did the White House invent a new type of truth in 2017? Because the “Original Truth” didn’t have enough people standing on the National Mall during the Inauguration.
2. The Covfefe Mystery: Why did the world stop at 12:06 AM on May 31st? Because the President tweeted a typo so powerful it made the entire internet forget about the actual news for a full 48 hours.
3. The “Large Crowd” Debate: Why were the side-by-side photos of 2009 vs. 2017 so controversial? Because in 2017, “Visual Evidence” was considered a matter of political opinion.
4. The Solar Eclipse: Why did the President look directly at the sun without glasses? To prove that in 2017, “Safety Warnings” were just another form of “Fake News” from the scientific establishment.
5. The “Rocket Man” Nickname: Why did Trump call Kim Jong-un “Rocket Man” at the UN? Because he realized that 1970s Elton John lyrics are the most effective way to start a nuclear negotiation.
6. The “Fire and Fury” Quote: Why was the summer of ’17 so hot? Not because of climate change, but because the White House was promising a level of “Fury” usually reserved for a Marvel movie sequel.
7. The Fidget Spinner Craze: Why was everyone spinning in 2017? Because it was the only way to handle the anxiety of checking Twitter every ten minutes to see who got fired from the Cabinet.
8. The Anthony Scaramucci “11 Days”: Why was “The Mooch” so famous? Because he proved that in 2017, you could have a full political career, a scandal, and a resignation in less time than it takes to ripen an avocado.
9. The “Fake News” Awards: Why did the President host his own awards show? Because he wanted to make sure that “Pulitzer Prizes” had some competition from “Twitter Polls.”
10. The Paper Towel Toss: Why did the President throw paper towels in Puerto Rico? To show that in 2017, “Disaster Relief” was all about having a good “jump shot.”

The Full 2017 Presidential Jokes Archive

11. The “Travel Ban” Legal Battle: Why was the airport so crowded in January? Because the “Executive Order” became the most popular reason for a lawyer to buy a plane ticket.
12. The James Comey Firing: Why was the FBI Director let go? Because in 2017, “Loyalty” meant never asking why the President was talking to a Russian ambassador in the Oval Office.
13. The “Fine People on Both Sides”: Why was Charlottesville such a 2017 turning point? Because we learned that “Nuance” is a very dangerous word when you’re talking about tiki torches.
14. The Wonder Woman Success: Why did it resonate? Because everyone in 2017 was looking for a “Lasso of Truth” to use during the Sunday morning talk shows.
15. The “Big Water, Ocean Water” Quote: Why did the President describe the ocean that way? To make sure that even the people who failed geography understood exactly where Puerto Rico was located.
16. The Robert Mueller Investigation: Why was the Special Counsel so quiet? Because in 2017, “No Comment” was the only way to avoid becoming a character in a presidential tweet.
17. The Paris Agreement Exit: Why did the U.S. pull out? Because the President decided that “Pittsburgh” was more important than “Paris,” even though the climate doesn’t care about your zip code.
18. The “Very Large Brain” Quote: Why did the President mention his IQ? To remind us that in 2017, “Intelligence” was something you announced to the world instead of just using it.
19. The Twitter Character Limit Increase: Why did Twitter go to 280 characters? To give the President enough space to fire two Cabinet members in a single post.
20. The “Tax Cuts and Jobs Act”: Why was the GOP so happy at Christmas? Because they finally found something they loved more than “Small Government”—and that was “Big Corporate Tax Cuts.”
21. The “Winning So Much You’ll Get Tired”: Why were people so exhausted by December? To prove that the President was right—we were definitely “tired,” though the “winning” part was still under debate.
22. The Bitcoin $20,000 Peak: Why was everyone buying crypto? Because in 2017, “Magic Internet Money” seemed more stable than the traditional political system.
23. The “Sloppy Steve” Nickname: Why did Bannon get a nickname? To show that in 2017, your “Best Advisor” is only one leaked quote away from being a “Former Employee.”
24. The “Beautiful Clean Coal” Quote: Why did the President say they “wash the coal”? To prove that in 2017, “Environmental Policy” was a lot like a laundry commercial.
25. The “Pocahontas” Jab: Why did the President use it at a Navajo Code Talkers event? To show that “Timing” is everything in 2017 political awkwardness.
26. The Get Out Premiere: Why did it hit so hard? Because “The Sunken Place” was the official name for anyone who accidentally looked at their 401(k) during a market dip.
27. The “I’m a Whiner” Quote: Why was the President so honest about complaining? Because he realized that in 2017, the “Squeaky Wheel” doesn’t just get the grease—it gets the 6 PM news cycle.
28. The La La Land / Moonlight Oscar Fail: Why was the wrong winner announced? Because the universe wanted to show that “Inaccurate Results” weren’t just for the 2016 polls.
29. The “Greatest Tax Cut in History”: Why did they call it that? Because in 2017, if you didn’t use the word “Greatest,” it didn’t count as a legislative achievement.
30. The “Drained the Swamp” Reality: Why were there so many lobbyists in the White House? Because they were the only ones who knew how to find the “Drain” button.
31. The Handshake Battles: Why were world leaders gripping their hands so hard? Because in 2017, a “Handshake” was a test of strength, a diplomatic treaty, and a YouTube clip all in one.
32. The “Merry Christmas” Comeback: Why did the President say we’re saying it again? To prove that he could win a “War on Christmas” that most people didn’t know they were fighting.
33. The “Stable Genius” Self-Proclamation: Why did he say it? To remind the world that even if the “Genius” was debatable, the “Stable” part was definitely… something people were talking about.
34. The Final 2017 Vibe: Why was it “Unpredictable”? Because we ended the year with a total eclipse, a massive tax cut, and the realization that “Politics as Usual” had been replaced by “Politics as a Live Stream.”