35 Fourth of July Jokes: The 2013 “Frozen & Foxes” Edition

In 2013, Independence Day was a “Social Media Circus.” We were all trying to fit our entire lives into a 6-second Vine, “Twerking” became a word in the dictionary (thanks, Miley), and we were all obsessed with a giant yellow minion. It was a year of peak EDM, the arrival of the “Man of Steel,” and the realization that a simple fox could become the biggest mystery of the decade.

The 2013 Independence Top 10: “Selfies & Supermen”

1. The Frozen Fever (Teasers): Why was the 2013 BBQ so “Chilly”? Because Disney started teasing Frozen, and even though it was 90 degrees out, every kid was already practicing “Let It Go” at the top of their lungs.
2. The “What Does the Fox Say?” Mystery: Why was the 2013 parade so confusing? Because Ylvis made us all wonder if the “ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding” was actually the sound of a Roman Candle failing to launch.
3. The “Harlem Shake” Era: Why did the BBQ suddenly turn into a chaotic dance party? Because for the first two minutes, everyone was acting normal, but as soon as the beat dropped, the Uncle was wearing a snorkel and a chicken suit.
4. The “Selfie” Word of the Year: Why was the 4th so slow? Because we couldn’t just take a photo anymore; we had to take 45 “Selfies” until the fireworks looked like they were part of our hair.
5. The Man of Steel Reboot: Why was the griller so serious? Because Henry Cavill brought a “gritty” Superman to the screen, and the Dad at the BBQ felt that his cape (an apron) needed a more tragic backstory.
6. The “Blurred Lines” Controversy: Why was the music so debated? Because Robin Thicke and Pharrell owned the radio, but half the guests were arguing about the lyrics while the other half were just trying to whistle along.
7. The Despicable Me 2 Mania: Why was there a “Minion” on every plate? Because 2013 was the year of “Bee-do-bee-do,” and we were all just one yellow t-shirt away from joining Gru’s army.
8. The Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” Shock: Why were people staring at the garden ornaments? Because Miley taught us that “Independence” means you can swing on a wrecking ball if you really want to.
9. The “Royals” Lorde Debut: Why was the 4th so “Anti-Luxury”? Because Lorde told us we’d “never be royals,” which was a great excuse for serving store-brand soda and generic hot dogs.
10. The Vine (6-Second) Attention Span: Why did the conversation keep cutting off? Because everyone was trying to record a “Vine-worthy” moment of a firework exploding before the app refreshed.

The Full 2013 Fourth of July Archive

11. The “Get Lucky” Summer: Why were we “up all night to get lucky”? Because Daft Punk and Pharrell created the only song that made “standing near a hot grill” feel like a funky disco.
12. The Iron Man 3 Anxiety: Why was the Dad having “Panic Attacks”? Because Tony Stark had PTSD in the movie, and Dad was stressed about the structural integrity of the folding table.
13. The “Thrift Shop” Macklemore: Why was the BBQ attire so “grandpa-chic”? Because Macklemore made us all believe that spending $20 on a floral shirt from 1974 was the height of fashion.
14. The World War Z Running: Why was the parade so fast? Because Brad Pitt taught us that if you stop moving, the “Zombies” (the neighbors wanting your leftovers) will catch you.
15. The “Cups (When I’m Gone)” Performance: Why was the picnic table so noisy? Because every teenager was trying to do the Pitch Perfect cup routine with a plastic Solo cup and a lot of misplaced confidence.
16. The The Great Gatsby Party: Why were there so many sparklers? Because Leonardo DiCaprio made us think that every 4th of July should be a 1920s gala with a tuxedo and a jazz band.
17. The “Roar” Katy Perry: Why was the 4th so “Loud”? Because Katy Perry told us she had “the eye of the tiger,” which is helpful when you’re fighting for the last piece of corn.
18. The Gravity Silence: Why was the firework show so quiet? Because the movie taught us that “In space, no one can hear you scream,” which is also true if you’re standing too close to a megaphone.
19. The “Can’t Hold Us” Energy: Why was the 2013 finale so “Big”? Because Macklemore and Ryan Lewis provided the official soundtrack for any event that involved a lot of jumping.
20. The Star Trek Into Darkness: Why was the 4th so “Cumberbatchy”? Because Benedict Cumberbatch turned a space movie into a high-stakes game of “Guess Who the Villain Is.”
21. The “Wake Me Up” Avicii: Why was the BBQ “Country-EDM”? Because Avicii mixed a banjo with a techno beat, and suddenly everyone was line-dancing to a synthesizer.
22. The Monsters University: Why were the college kids acting like toddlers? Because Pixar took us back to school, and we all realized that “Scaring” is just a fancy word for “waking up the baby with a cherry bomb.”
23. The “Radioactive” Imagine Dragons: Why did the BBQ feel like the apocalypse? Because this song made “waking up to ash and dust” sound like a cool way to start a holiday.
24. The Fast & Furious 6 Runway: Why was the driveway 10 miles long? Because the movie had a runway that never ended, and the Dad thought he needed the same distance to park the truck.
25. The “Timber” Pitbull & Ke$ha: Why was the 4th so “Dutty”? Because Pitbull told us “it’s going down,” which usually meant the tent was collapsing in a sudden summer storm.
26. The The Conjuring Clapping: Why was nobody playing hide and seek? Because the movie made us terrified that if we clapped twice in the dark, something would clap back.
27. The “Hold On, We’re Going Home” Drake: Why was the 4th so “Smooth”? Because Drake just wanted to go home and be a “good girl,” which is exactly what the dog did after the fireworks started.
28. The The Hunger Games: Catching Fire Hype: Why were we all “volunteering”? Because Katniss was back, and we all knew that the 2013 BBQ was basically a battle for survival in the “Arena” (the backyard).
29. The “Counting Stars” OneRepublic: Why was everyone looking up? Because Ryan Tedder told us he was “counting stars” instead of counting his calories at the buffet.
30. The Pacific Rim Kaiju: Why was the pool so “Deep”? Because Guillermo del Toro made us think a giant monster might emerge from the deep end to fight a giant robot.
31. The “Summertime Sadness” Remix: Why was the 4th so “Lana”? Because the Cedric Gervais remix turned a sad song into a party anthem for anyone wearing a flower crown.
32. The Thor: The Dark World: Why was the sky so “Ether-y”? Because Marvel was getting complicated, and we were all just trying to figure out why Loki was still invited to the party.
33. The “Talk Dirty” Jason Derulo: Why was the 4th so “International”? Because Jason Derulo was “toured around the world” and apparently only learned how to ask for the bathroom in 15 languages.
34. The We’re the Millers RV: Why was the neighbor’s vacation so suspicious? Because the movie made us think that every RV was actually a front for a “no ragrets” smuggling operation.
35. The 2013 Final Vibe: Why was it a “Viral” 4th? Because we were “Harlem Shaking,” “Selfie-ing,” and “Vining” our way into a future where everything was documented in 6-second loops.