34 Christmas Jokes: The 2010 “Inception & iPad” Edition

In 2010, Christmas was a dream within a dream. We were all trying to figure out if the turkey was real or just a projection of our subconscious, while Steve Jobs convinced us that we needed a giant iPhone that couldn’t actually make phone calls.

The 2010 Top 10: The “Subconscious & Shiny Tablets”

1. Inception: Why did the Christmas dinner take twelve years? Because it was a dream within a dream, and while we were only eating for twenty minutes, in the lower level of reality, Dad was still trying to carve the turkey in slow motion.
2. The First iPad: Why was Grandma using a high-tech cutting board? She wasn’t; she just got the first iPad and thought the “pinch-to-zoom” gesture was a way to make the digital carrots smaller.
3. The Social Network: Why was the atmosphere so litigious? Because the movie came out, and now everyone at the table was threatening to sue each other for “stealing the idea” for the family seating chart.
4. Instagram (Launch): Why did the food get cold? Because 2010 was the year we started “Earlybird” filtering our mashed potatoes and uploading them to a square grid before anyone was allowed to take a bite.
5. The Walking Dead: Why was the guest list so suspicious? Because the show premiered, and now every time a relative groaned after eating too much, the kids checked to see if they were “turning.”
6. Despicable Me: Why were the kids acting so “Minion-like”? Because they spent the whole day shouting “BEE-DO BEE-DO” and trying to steal the moon (or at least the star off the top of the tree).
7. The Old Spice Guy: Why was Uncle Terry talking to the camera while sitting on a horse? He wasn’t; he just watched the commercial and now thinks he smells like “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like.”
8. Toy Story 3: Why was the whole family crying in the theater? Because we realized that our childhood was officially over and that giving our toys to a girl named Bonnie was the most emotional trauma we’d face all year.
9. The Kindle vs. iPad War: Why was the reading nook so divided? Because half the family wanted E-ink that looked like paper, and the other half wanted a glowing screen that could also play Angry Birds.
10. Katy Perry – “California Gurls”: Why was there whipped cream everywhere? Because the music video convinced everyone that “candy-coated” holidays were the only way to go.

The Full 2010 Christmas Archive (Highlights)

11. Justin Bieber – “Baby”: Why was the holiday playlist so polarizing? Because you were either a “Belieber” or you wanted to throw the radio out the window into a snowbank.
12. Black Swan: Why was the niece practicing ballet so intensely? Because she saw Natalie Portman and now believes that “perfection” involves feathers growing out of her shoulders.
13. Angry Birds (Peak Mania): Why was everyone tapping their screens? Because those birds were finally on every device, and destroying pig fortresses was more important than opening real boxes.
14. The “Bed Intruder” Song: Why was everyone telling the kids to “hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife”? Because Antoine Dodson became the king of the internet, and we were all singing the auto-tuned news.
15. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1: Why was the movie so frustrating? Because it ended right when things got good, leaving us all “campsite-bound” for the next six months.
16. True Grit: Why was Dad talking like a grumpy cowboy? Because the Coen Brothers made Westerns cool again, and he wanted to prove he had “grit” while shoveling the driveway.
17. Lady Gaga’s Meat Dress: Why was everyone staring at the ham? Because after the VMAs, we weren’t sure if the meat was for eating or for wearing to the New Year’s Eve party.
18. The 3D TV Hype: Why was everyone wearing sunglasses inside? Because the stores convinced us that “3D at home” was the future, even if it just gave everyone a massive headache.
19. Tangled: Why was the hair so long? Because Rapunzel proved that a frying pan is the most effective weapon in the Disney universe.
20. Bruno Mars – “Just the Way You Are”: Why was the atmosphere so romantic? Because Bruno told every girl she was amazing, and for a few minutes, nobody cared about the burnt pie.
21. The “Double Rainbow” Video: Why was the cousin crying at the backyard? He saw a rainbow and kept asking, “What does it mean?!” until someone gave him a cookie.
22. Red Dead Redemption: Why did the son think he was a legendary outlaw? Because he spent 60 hours as John Marston and now refuses to travel anywhere unless it’s on a digital horse.
23. The King’s Speech: Why was the toast so long? Because the movie made “overcoming a stutter” the most inspiring theme of the year, even if Dad was just stalling.
24. Foursquare: Why was the neighbor “Checking In” to our house? Because 2010 was the year we wanted everyone to know exactly where we were at every second to become “The Mayor” of the living room.
25. Eminem & Rihanna – “Love the Way You Lie”: Why was the teenage drama so loud? Because they were standing in the “flames” of their own angst while the song played on repeat.
26. The iPhone 4 “Antennagate”: Why was everyone holding their phones with just two fingers? Because they were afraid that “holding it wrong” would make their holiday calls drop.
27. Tron: Legacy: Why was the tree decorated with neon tubes? Because Daft Punk’s soundtrack made us all want to live in a dark digital grid wearing glowing spandex.
28. Kick-Ass: Why was the 10-year-old wearing a green scuba suit? Because he wanted to be a superhero with no powers, other than the power to get into trouble.
29. The “Friday” Song (Pre-Hype): Why were we looking forward to the weekend? Because Rebecca Black was about to change the internet forever (but we didn’t know the pain yet).
30. Shutter Island: Why was the holiday so confusing? Because we weren’t sure if we were in a hospital or just at a very weird family reunion.
31. The Kinect for Xbox 360: Why was everyone waving their arms at the TV? Because “You are the controller” meant we spent the day looking like we were swatting invisible bees.
32. 127 Hours: Why was Dad afraid of the rock in the garden? Because James Franco taught us that being “stuck” is a lot worse than just being stuck in holiday traffic.
33. The Expendables: Why was there so much testosterone in the room? Because every action star from the 80s was in one movie, and Dad’s bicep felt bigger just watching the trailer.
34. The Final 2010 Vibe: Why was everyone so “filtered”? Because as the decade started, we realized that life looked better through a “Sepia” lens, and we were never going back to unedited reality.